The Year Of Weekday Morning Sporting Events continued today with the conclusion of what the cool kids call the 38th Ryder Cup Matches. This is the event every other year when the best American golfers play the best European golfers and pretend that white people still rule the world. Europe won again by a score of 14½ to 13½, which is pretty awesome, since you can’t really score a half-point in any other sport that doesn’t involve camel-toe.

Graeme McDowell, whose legacy of American ass-kicking is approaching that of the Japanese auto industry, sealed the deal with a clutch putt on the 16th hole. McDowell, for the record, won the US Open at Pebble Beach earlier in the summer, would then watch as a Hunter Mahan duffed a chip on 17. Mahan would miss his ensuing putt and then concede the tournament.

There are probably some good socialism jokes to be made here, but it’ll just get the crazies riled up in the comments section, so I’ll pass. Apparently, people are still convinced that name-calling emblazoned in all-capital letters qualifies as an argument. Maybe this has something to do with why we suck at golf so much. Well, that and Phil Mickelson’s chubby man breasts. It’s a toss-up, really.

It seems that ESPN is content with airing this annual “border war” of men’s slow-pitch softball between the United States and Canada. And that’s fine with us, because it serves as the impetus of a yearly internet flame war to which you could set your watch. The guys at Joe Sports Fan did a photo essay on the ridiculousness of the game, which aired last week, and the only thing more hilarious than the images are those champions of slow-pitch defending their “sport” in the comments section. It’s getting rather testy in there, too. If this keeps up, JSF might soon be published out of a bunker.

The U.S. Men's National Team captured the not very prestigious Gold Cup over hated rival Mexico 2-1.  Which is better than not winning a not prestigious tournament, but we Americans shouldn't be too happy with ourselves just yet.  Not unless you're Landon Donovan, who pulled off the the impressive combination of brooding and smug in this post-victory photo.  Rawr!  Watch out, ladies!

Anyway, Donovan has reason to be pleased: after going into halftime down 1-0, he scored on a tying penalty kick in the 60th minute, his fourth such goal of the tournament and his 34th for Team USA, which ties Eric Wynalda's record.  Benny Feilhaber added a wicked volley off a corner kick ten minutes later (watch the video here), and the Americans held the rest of the way to improve to 10-0-1 under new coach Bob Bradley and continue their dominance of Mexico (9-2-1 since 2000).

In a related story, the FanHaus noticed that Univision actually called the American men "Team Gringo."  And I know Fox Soccer Channel is grossly incompetent, but somehow I don't think they'd label the Mexicans "Team Wetback."  But this is what happens when your team nickname is "USMNT" — it doesn't have quite the same ring as El Tri or Les Bleus or what have you.  But hey, "Yankee" was a slur before it became the best baseball team in history, so I say embrace the moniker.  Let's go Gringos!  Keep beating those wetba– er, El Tri.