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If you missed it in the headline, Happy Memorial Day, everybody.

If you’re outside of the U.S., Memorial Day is a day when we remember the men and women who died while serving in the United States Armed Forces. If you are IN the U.S., you aren’t reading this because it’s 8:30 in the morning, which means you’re already eating an arms-length of hot dogs from inside somebody’s innertube. Either way, today’s a day to relax and appreciate what you have, and we could all use days like that.

The good news for you, guy on the Internet, is that aside from a morning links post, we’re going to update regularly throughout the day. Enjoy that, if you’re around. If you aren’t, we’ll see you tomorrow. (But, you know, stop by and click like on everything and pretend you’re bored at work.) (It’ll help our morale tremendously.)

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Pure energy has a name: the North Korean women’s soccer team.

Most of the time when a sports team loses an important game, you’ll hear them talk about how they “went out there and played [their] game” and just lost focus or didn’t play hard enough on defense. Sometimes they’ll say the other team did a good job. Following his team’s 2-0 loss to the U.S. in the women’s World Cup on Tuesday, North Korean Kim Kwang-min redefined hilarious post-game excuses by claiming his team lost because they were struck by lightning. By lightning.

“When we stayed in Pyongyang during training there was an unexpected accident so our team was not capable of playing. Our players were hit by lightning during a training match. More than five were hospitalized. The match was on 8 June.”

The United States team were clearly taken aback by the claim. “It’s the first we have heard about it,” said the striker Abby Wambach. The USA coach, Pia Sundhage, was also unaware of any such problems affecting their opponents.

I think “the dog ate my soccer team” would’ve been an equally good excuse. I feel like if an entire team had been struck by some crazy Nemesis Rage lightning during training, they probably should’ve (and would’ve) sat out the game completely. If I got struck by lightning I would sit out of everything for the rest of my life. The best post-match quote of all wasn’t even about the lighting.

Kim: “They will play with high spirits and strong will, a strong will you cannot expect from human kind.”

… and then he shoved them into a big mud puddle.

[h/t Sports Grid]

4TH UPDATE: Here are the highlights in case you missed the match, or just want to relive your jaunt onto the MNT bandwagon.

3RD UPDATE: It’s over! USA Wins, 2-0!

2ND UPDATE: USA’s Michael Bradley gets a red card with four minutes left. America’s a man down. That’s not good.

ZOMG! Clint Dempsey just scored on a loose ball! It’s 2-0 America! We’re good now!

Nineteen-year-old Jozy Altidore scored in the 27th minute of Team USA’s Confederations Cup semifinal with Spain, giving the MNT a 1-0 lead that they’ve managed to carry into halftime. Spain has since responded with well-timed attacks that have barely come up unfinished, and one has to think that the Americans can only dodge so many bullets before the world’s No. 1-ranked team finds the back of the net.

The second half just started. We’ll recap the game when it ends. You can follow the game here if you’re stuck at work. ESPN forgot to load this page with annoying videos, so you should be good.

A sellout crowd of nearly 24,000 watched the men’s national team beat Mexico 2-0 in the rain at Columbus Crew Stadium last night in the final round of World Cup qualifying.  Michael Bradley — son of USA coach Bob Bradley — scored both goals as los gringos improved to 9-0-2 against the hated Mexicans on U.S. soil since 2000.

Naturally, it wouldn’t be a game against Mexico unless our neighbors to the south played like poor sports and took cheap shots, and this match was no exception.  Mexico captain Rafael Marquez earned a red card for a flying karate kick at U.S. goalkeeper Tim Howard (see highlights below), and after the game an assistant coach for Mexico slapped American midfielder Frankie Hejduk.  Why?  Because Mexico’s a buncha bitches, that’s why.  THESE COLORS DON’T RUN, BABY!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  **plays Lee Greenwood**

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