In his infinite wisdom, Larry David has a theory on the origin of neck injuries. He hypothesizes that there are only two ways to injure you neck: a car accident, or cunnilingus. But when Tiger Woods is the subject with the neck injury, the origin is less clean than a Barry Bonds drug test. Putting the context of how he obtained the injury aside, Tiger answered questions on his neck at the Memorial’s press conference this morning, where he will be defending his title this weekend.

Where he’s at with his neck injury: “Actually, my neck feels pretty good. It’s still not where I want it to be. It’s a little sore. The range of motion is pretty good.” How has he progressed since dropping out of the TPC? “It was about a week before I picked up a club, then this past 5-6-7 days it’s been pretty good.” –USAToday

According to Tiger, his neck was having a noticeable effect on his swing. He also believes hat he is good enough to play, but the time it will take him to make a complete comeback will “hopefully be short.” Tiger is already scheduled for the US Open and British Open. So he has made the decision to not rest until the US Open later this month. That’s a pretty bold move by everyone’s favorite fairway philanderer, considering that he said this morning that his Masters comeback was premature. Whenever I feel something premature coming, I incorporate the Lt. Frank Dreben technique. I just think about baseball.

The great thing about Europe is that you can have a face that looks like a foot and it doesn’t hurt to chances at bagging attractive women. That’s probably why Sarah Jessica Parker got divorced. But anyway, this is Kim Clijsters, the Belgian tennis star with whom American Brian Lynch managed to close the deal. And you can see, Clijsters is really holding up the looks of this outfit. I look at that child and wonder if she was aware of her impending fate as that picture was taken.

Anyway, the men’s final was finally settled last night after being postponed by rain, and the vain in Spain surely appreciated their countryman Argentina’s Juan Martin del Potro, who upset Roger Federer in a five-set thriller. Well, it wasn’t really a thriller. It was tennis, after all. Anyway, Federer threw a bit of a tantrum during a changeover, and you can watch that bizarre lapse in decorum after the jump. So Federer’s losing was probably the bigger story, but the aesthetically challenged family photo gets the banner image. That’s just how we roll around here. Read the rest of this entry »

I swear to God this is my last tennis post of the day, but it’s a good one. It’s the pride of Switzerland [Heyyy --Ed.] Roger Federer chasing down a ball and returning it cross-court. Through his legs, with his back to the court. It’s really not that amazing when you realize that he shaves his ass the same way. He’ll play Juan Martin Del Potro in the final, who beat Rafael Nadal in the semis. I guess that ends the debate about who the world’s No. 1 is on the men’s zzzzzz. Ah, tennis. via.

There’s something to be said for losing in a dignified way, or at least being undignified in a totally awesome way. But I found Serena Williams’ berating of a courtside official Saturday to be neither of those. Neither did the people that ran the US Open, who fined Williams $10,000 for her outburst in that Kim Clijsters match and opened an investigation that could result in all of her winnings being lost.

“The average individual would look at that and say, ‘A $10,000 fine for what she did? What are you guys, crazy?’ The answer is: the process isn’t over,” tournament director Jim Curley said in an interview with The Associated Press.

Bill Babcock, the top administrator for Grand Slam tournaments, will review what happened Saturday night, when Williams yelled at a linesperson who called a foot fault with the defending champion two points away from losing to Kim Clijsters in the semifinals.

If Babcock determines Williams committed a “major offense,” the rules allow for a fine as high as all of a player’s prize money from the tournament — and a suspension, although Curley did not mention that as a possibility. via.

The word is that Willams turned her ire toward an official that called her for a foot fault and yelled:

“I swear to God I feel like taking this ball and shoving it down your fucking throat.” via.

No excuse can justify that. Serena should have been fined for threatening, whether she was playing in women’s singles or playing linebacker for the Jets. Just admit that you screwed up and move on, girl. Just because you let some white girl kick your ass doesn’t mean you have to take it out on the Asians.

Melanie Oudin, the American teenager that entered the US Open as a wild card [ /shapes hands like guns, does a little dance] was booted from her Times Square hotel yesterday. Oudin’s run to the quarterfinals has surprised everyone, including whoever handled her travel arrangements; she was only booked in the hotel for a week.

Her agent, BEST Tennis President John Tobias, through the company’s travel agent, Sport Travel, quickly got her into the Intercontinental. Tobias: “Obviously, we will not be sending any of our players back to that hotel.” The Marriott could not confirm Oudin was staying there, spokesperson Kathleen Duffy said. She said it was possible Oudin was staying there registered under a different name. via.

A different name? Well, she does look a lot like Anna Faris of the Scary Movie franchise, a string of films so terrible that no jury could convict anyone for denying them accommodations. It could have been worse. Melanie’s lucky that she doesn’t look like Jude Law, because…well, for a lot of reasons, really.

Here’s the telecast of Novak Djokovic after his quarterfinal win in the US Open doing an impression of John McEnroe, whose book is absolutely terrible. Don’t ever read it, even if you’re stuck in a Mexican hospital and it’s the only English-language book in front of you. They love McEnroe in Mexico. But anyway, Mad Mac himself comes down from the broadcast booth to hit around with Djokovic for a bit, and I’d love to see this happen in any other sport. How awesome would it be to see Terry Bradshaw tossing on the field with Hines Ward, only to get crushed in the ribs as Kyle Vanden Bosch buries him into the turf. Somebody needs to make this happen. I’m looking at you, FOX Sports.