Before Manchester United traveled to Italy to play AS Roma, the Italian club's players promised a physical match for Man U's gifted pretty-boy striker Cristiano Ronaldo.  Instead it was the English club's supporters who got roughed up, as police in riot gear busted some British heads.

[TV showed] Italian police wading in and flailing at Manchester United fans with batons with several United fans bleeding profusely from head wounds. The trouble [started] when Rodrigo Taddei put Roma ahead and the rival supporters started to trade insults and throw objects from one section of the ground to the other. One policeman was shown raining blows on a supporter who was lying motionless on the ground, and the pictures evoked memories of the 1970s and eighties when crowd violence and hooliganism was rife at European club matches.

…as opposed to now, when things are always peaceful in soccer stadiums.  Except here and here.  And here.  Oh, and don't forget this one.  And the bottle-throwing.  And the arrow-shooting.  And the racist slurs.  And killing cops.  But aside from that, it's reminiscent of 30 years, not 30 days, ago.

Anyway, hard to tell who I should support here.  Man U fans are the Yankee fans of soccer, so it's not like they didn't deserve it.  On the other hand, Italian soccer is a diseased abomination of the beautiful game, so in the end I'm gonna have to play it safe and not feel sorry for anybody.  Except myself.  I got a paper cut yesterday.  Ouch!

Thanks to MJD at the FanHaus for the story. And oh yeah, Roma won, 2-1.

VIOLENT UPDATE: Batoneriffic footage of the beatings here, via The Offside.

Let's play a game. I'm going to start naming certain words, and you stop me when you can fill in the rest of the story. Ready? Here we go.

Cincinnati. Bengals. Chris Henry. Traffic violations. Possible jail– already? Wow, you're good at this game. 

Henry was stopped in downtown Cincinnati last week and cited on three traffic violations at 1100 Vine St. Henry was cited for driving with a suspended license, for making an improper turn and a seatbelt violation… it could cost the Bengals wide receiver both jail time in Kentucky and an NFL suspension.

It would really be too bad if Henry went to jail for some traffic violations, though. I feel like he has such better crimes to give to the world, like feeding psychedelic mushrooms to a kindergarten class or drugging his attractive cousin with Rohypnol. Actually, that sounds like a pretty good idea. I'm gonna write that last one down.

Few people know that old fat drunkard David Wells is actually still a pitcher in the major leagues. Wells, who went on the DL last year with a case of gout ("the disease of kings"), has now been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, and must now give up his one true love, drinking. I know, I know: weird, right? Who would expect a chronically overweight drunkard to develop diabtetes?

“This is a major lifestyle change. I don't want this going to Type 1 diabetes. I want to be around for a while. If you don't take care of this, it can lead to some scary stuff… like losing limbs. If anyone has this, it's a red flag, period…

Losing limbs wouldn't be so bad for Wells. He could get that hollow leg he's always wanted. 

"I'm dying right now… I need some food in me. I'm eating like a rabbit… salads, fish, chicken.”

Wait, rabbits are eating fish and chicken now? Has Wells been hanging out at the cave at Caerbannon? Because I'm really not ready to live in a world where rabbits are predators. Those visions are reserved for my nightmares, co-starring Dick Vitale, the 18th Amendment, and clowns riding horses.

Official With Leather villain Joey Porter is staying busy this off-season. According to Norm Clarke (from The Big Lead), the sociopathic Steeler-turned-Dolphin got into a fight with — and this will shock you — a member of the Cincinnati Bengals.

Porter, an All-Pro linebacker who recently left the Pittsburgh Steelers to join the Miami Dolphins, brawled with Cincinnati Bengals offensive lineman Levi Jones, at about 6 p.m. at a blackjack table in the casino. Jones, who suffered scratches, told Las Vegas police he would be filing charges against Porter. Sources said there has been bad blood between the two.

Scratches? Watch out, that cat's got claws! Rowr!

It also seems like a strange setting for a Vegas fight. Not 3 a.m. Not outside a nightclub. Not in a strip club late on Saturday night. Not in a ring at the MGM. Six p.m. on a Sunday evening at the blackjack table. It just goes to show that Joey Porter cares not for the typical drunken athlete mistakes. He'll make his mistakes sober, on the Lord's day! Right in the middle of the casino! Cuz he's Joey Porter! They shot him in Denver!

Of course, this is just something from the rumor mill, so it can't be confirmed until The Smoking Gun snatches the police report… but c'mon. This is Joey Porter we're talking about. If Joey Porter has taught us anything, it's that Joey Porter is an oversensitive asshole who needs medication. Sorry, no joke here. I really mean that.

Man, can Tony LaRussa get any cooler? When he isn't rolling in style after a World Series victory, he's proving to our nation's youth that he's a total badass.

As he promised his two daughters, manager Tony La Russa got a tattoo to mark the Cardinals' World Series title, according to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch.

The tattoo is what he called a "tribal" design, dark swoops and hooks and pointed loops stretching down his arm from his shoulder to the top of his biceps.

Wow, a tribal, huh? I thought for sure he'd get something original, like barbed wire around his bicep or a butterfly on his hip. But you just can't expect a lot from Tony. I guess it would have been too much to expect him to get the World Series trophy inked on his chest. Or a syringe on his ass. That would have been a nice little homage to his boy Mark McGwire.

Wait, so Alex Rodriguez DOESN'T always love playing for the Yankees? In a radio interview with the purple-lipped wonder, Mike and the Mad Dog uncovered Gotham's biggest secret:

Rodriguez, for the first time, made public what sounded like an exit strategy from New York by saying he needs to feel the love from Yankees management and the fan base to stay.

…he was not even responding to a direct question about [next winter's contract] option when he said, "At some point either New York is going to say, 'I've had enough of this guy, get him the hell out of here' – we have an option – or New York is going to say, 'Hey, we won a world championship, we had a big year, you're a part of if; we want you back.' … I also want to make sure, from the fans [and] management, I'm wanted here."

I'm not quite sure how this is even news. By now the New York papers must have their sports page pre-configured with 10 column inches under the headline "A-ROD VERBAL MISCUE; NEW YORKERS DISPLEASED." Lather, rinse, repeat.