Thanks to the success of TV shows like Flip this House and Flip Men, people have been scooping up cheap properties for years in order to give them the ol’ quick fix and sell them for a profit. Take NASCAR star Jeff Gordon and his wife, model Ingrid Vandebosch, for example. In 2007, they purchased a three-bedroom apartment at Central Park West in New York City for $9.6 million and they are currently trying to sell it for the low-but-profitable price of… $30 million. Gee, for that much Ingrid better come with it. Just kidding, we don’t ever buy people.

According to the folks at Halstead Property, this place is worth every penny. All three billion of them. This 3,454-sq. ft. luxury apartment has been renovated top to bottom, as Gordon and his smokin’ wife installed all-new flooring throughout the home, as well as an enormous oak sushi bar in the living room.

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Perhaps Tom Hicks is best known for being a shrewd businessman who built his incredible wealth and subsequent empire through hard work and determination, as well as the ability to not give a crap about the little people he may have trampled along the way. However, even if Hicks were declared the Greatest Businessman in the History of Money by a panel including God, Warren Buffett and Bill Gates, we’d all still remember him as that dude who destroyed the Texas Rangers (and Dallas Stars and Liverpool F.C.).

Ironically, as the New York Yankees are rumored to be begging Major League Baseball to void Alex Rodriguez’s massive contract, the man who first gave A-Rod the largest contract in sports history is now trying to sell the most expensive estate and property in the United States. Hicks recently listed his Crespi-Hicks Estate in Dallas on the hush-hush, but when a dude tries to sell his home for a whopping $135 million, people are going to talk about it.

It’s not exactly like you can just pop that f*cker on Craigslist and call it a day. So what the heck comes with a $135 million house anyway?

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Here’s a fun little factoid for you crazy sports fans out there: athletes tend to buy really expensive houses. Who would have thunk it, right? Well it turns out that in a lot of cases, when athletes retire or change teams, they sell those houses and then people have an opportunity to take a look inside and see how the 1% really lives. And I’m almost always disappointed by the lack of bearsharktopus cages. Step your game up, so-called ballers.

Yesterday, the Cookie Kwans at Realtor.com posted some of the latest listings of current and former Major League Baseball players, and while there wasn’t anything too crazy, it was still pretty interesting. For instance, I can’t quite wrap my brain around how a guy could invest a quarter of his 5-year, $80 million salary into a home purchase, but then again nobody has yet to accept my challenge of giving me $80 million just to see how fast I can blow it. Offer still stands, billionaires. Let’s get this done.

Search for your dream home after the jump, you silly cash cows.

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The Florida house of current NFL analyst and former Miami Dolphins quarterback Dan Marino (not pictured) just went off the market. And thanks to the tumultuous real estate market of late, the Hall-of-Famer’s old digs were acquired for quite a bargain.

Florio J. and Glenda Abbate paid $7.2 million for the 10-bedroom, 12-bath lakefront home last month, Broward County property records show. Florio Abbate is the former president of Saxon Business Systems in Miami Lakes.

Marino, who had the home built, paid $2.15 million in 1995, records show, though that doesn’t include the cost of upgrades or additions since the purchase.

–Sun-Sentinel.

Marino and his wife were originally asking for $15.9 million [last item], but then threw in all of the furniture and a signed football before lowering the price to 13-something. Can we finally blame the mortgage crisis on Dan Marino’s autographed footballs? It’s the only way we can start healing as a nation.

Images of the home worth more than your life await you after the jump.

It’s one thing to live in the lap of luxury in a massive house that lays (lies?) off the beaten path. It’s another to live in a posh fortress that makes visitors loathe themselves and reflect on how little they’ve accomplished in life. But that’s Mike Shanahan for you, whose former residence, a 20,000-plus-square-foot mansion, is now for sale. One real estate site has the asking price at $17 million.

Denver BizJournals confirms that it is Shanahan’s old place.

Located at 20 Cherry Hills Park Drive, the ranch-style house has 20,199 square feet of space in two stories. Amenities include a Jacuzzi, steam room, sauna, hot tub, swimming pool and several fireplaces, according to property tax records.

The house sits on nearly 2.5 acres of land.

Shanahan, who has business interests in metro Denver, also is building a 35,000-square-foot, ranch-style home in Cherry Hills Village. What will happen to the house, in the wake of the coach’s leaving the Broncos, is unknown.

My entire apartment could fit into the pool of that place. I hate my life.