NBA journeyman Armen Gilliam died on Wednesday at the age of 47. He had a heart attack while playing a pick-up game of basketball at his local LA Fitness in Collier Township, probably the least “LA” place in the United States. They rushed him to a hospital, where they declared him dead.

Stat recaps are never a fun thing to do when someone dies too young, but they’re a heart-in-the-right-place way of lining up a man’s public accomplishments and saying “hey, this is what he did, and you can remember him for it”. He was a former No. 2 overall pick of the Phoenix Suns in 1987 and played for nearly everyone at one point or another, the Charlotte Hornets, Philadelphia 76ers, New Jersey Nets, Milwaukee Bucks and Utah Jazz. His first name used to be “Armon”, but he changed it. He retired in 2000 after 13 seasons of being “The Hammer”, a nickname given to him for his powerful, physical style of play and because it was a great pun.

He was never a superstar, so we’re allowed to let the people who knew him best make their own eulogies.

“I’m all shook up,” former UNLV coach Jerry Tarkanian told the Las Vegas Sun today. “He was such a great person. He would take the shirt of his back for you.”

I think that’s the kind of legacy I’d like to leave.

All it takes for me to have a good day is to read a story that involves both cheerleaders and strippers (second item). Two injured BYU cheerleaders accepted an offer join some UNLV fans in a VIP booth at the MWC championship game. Cue naïveté:

"So how did you get this box?" asked one of the cheerleaders, a former Denver Broncos cheerleader.

"It's my father's," said Telly Eliades, who recently took over ownership of Olympic Garden… When the Mormon coeds realized Olympic Garden is a strip club, they stayed but declined Telly Eliades' offer of beer, "and they wouldn't allow any photos," he said.

Aside from the obvious NCAA rules infraction here — hello, there's a college cheerleader who has already cheered at the NFL level — I love that a (presumably) sexy adult woman didn't know that Olympic Garden is a strip club. "Sorry I'm getting back so late, honey. I was at Olympic Garden." "What's that?  A botanical garden?" "Ummm… yes. Yes it is." "Why do you smell like cigarettes and bubble gum?" "It's a… flower. Just like one a them Georgia O'Keefe paintings."

As Signal to Noise points out, the NCAA tournament season is upon us, and with that comes gratuitous human interest stories. And the New York Times has gotten a head start on the field by profiling UNLV forward Joe Darger, a Mormon whose familial cheering section "includes his father, his mother, his 18 siblings and his father’s other wife."

John Darger is married to Carollee Darger, Joe’s mother. He is also married to Elizabeth Darger, the mother of eight of his children… His children range in age from 2 to 40… [John] grew up with 46 siblings. His father had several wives. Polygamy was passed down like a family heirloom.

The article has all sorts of fun facts, like how Joe moved out of his dorm freshman year when he learned it was coed.

Ummm… what? Dude grew up with dad and granddad humping multiple wives non-stop, chose to go to college in Las freaking Vegas, and he can't live in the same dorm as chicks?

Wow. Kids, can you excuse us? Joe and I need to have a sit-down. This may take a while. But if I can teach strippers how to love, I can teach this retarded man-child how to score college threesomes.