Usually when a school in the deep south wants to insult a rival, they print out a bunch of stickers of Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes pissing on their logo or something and plaster them on the windows of their trucks, and an entire school of rednecks end up with a child urinating on their car forever and we move on with our lives. Unfortunately for the University of Alabama, some enterprising soul has decided to take the “lol look you got peed on” joshing to a weird, hate crimey place.

The report, from the unfortunately named UnicornBooty.com:

In preparation of their upcoming game against LSU on January 9, the University of Alabama is selling t-shirts promoting a hate crime. The plan is for thousands of Alabama Crimson Tide fans to flood Bourbon Street, home to some of the oldest gay watering holes in the country, dressed in t-shirts that read:

HEY HOMEAUXS – WE JUST BEAT THE HELL OUT OF YOU.

As if using violent assaults against LGBT victims as a pun to sell college football merchandise wasn’t bad enough, the printer’s French is also atrocious. Aux is already plural, and in no need of an S.

Thank goodness LSU’s mascot isn’t the “black” something, I guess.

The comments section of the mythical creature’s ass contains a conversation with someone claiming to be the creator of the shirt, rationalizing that he didn’t realize gay people would be offended by “hey faggot I’m going to murder you” and noting that the shirts are a response to some fans from a few years ago wearing “Alabama Fans Are Homeauxs” shirts to games. He’s very sorry. And while it’s pretty easy to believe a guy from Alabama could be super stupid instead of homophobic, it’s interesting to consider why a Louisiana team would think calling a Tuscaloosa team with a vaginal bleeding euphemism for a mascot “homos” with a Frenglish spelling is beyond me. I’m gonna stick with “he’s an inbred goon and thought this was hilarious”.

Meet Kimberly, Alabama’s Vince Gilham, the 44-year-old Jefferson County deputy who won The Birmingham News’ “Ultimate Man Cave” contest, Tide Rolling country’s “quest to find the most elaborate set-up to watch college football on Saturdays”. Vince works part-time and his wife was laid off 18 months ago, but he spent a reported $35,000 on the cave, including leather recliners, Bear Bryant mannequins and three rolls of Legion Field AstroTurf to serve as carpet.

In case you’re the type who assumes writing for a sports blog means I think this is awesome, I present to you the following snippet from AL.com‘s report:

Ultimately, man caves boil down to this: “The only rules here,” said John Graves, a good friend of Vince’s, “are Vince’s rules.”

Also, “no black people”.

Pam Gilham, Vince’s wife, doesn’t just go along. She thinks it’s fun. “Every man should have his own cave,” she said in a remark that will endear herself to men everywhere.

If you use “heh” on the Internet or the word “babes” in real life, you may not be aware that most grown-up adult men do not need a “man cave” because they live in homes and are one-half of partnerships that should probably allow both people to live in peace. The age of that King of Queens style of marriage where the lady puts floral-print couches in the living room and has tea parties for the Colored Hat Society while the guy is a fat nimrod who loves his football and can’t wait to pal around with “the guys” should be f**king over, and the only thing more depressing than a guy with a man cave is a guy who says “man cave”.

Believe it or not, this is the first “can you believe this guy from Alabama” story that doesn’t hinge on him being from Alabama. Although the phrase “see some of Alabama’s man caves” is concerning.

“The only drawback to our man cave is we don’t have bathroom facilities,” Vince said. “If we had that, it would be top top-notch.”

Heh!

[h/t Fark]

In case you missed it during that weird period when a video goes viral and the person who made it gets butthurt and takes it down, then realizes it is their only shot at ironic fame and puts it back up so they can get on Tosh, please enjoy this video of University of Alabama Panhellenic Association Board combining their awful white teen girl powers to form some Godless approximation of musical Voltron. In layman’s terms, white girls are stealing from every culture imaginable, be it Greek to African-American to Internet, and they feel totally amazing doing it. Vince Mancini and Josh Zerkle gave the track (cough) a listen on the latest Frotcast, and it is my job to sorta shuffle it over here. Every day I’m shuffling.

Highlights include a namedrop of football coach Nick Saban, a big “ta-da” finish inside Bryant–Denny Stadium and a Rebecca Black remix, because that’s something people still think is funny. Who am I kidding, the only highlight is that you’re watching this and not one of the people in it.

From the Daily Mail:

The school’s media relations director, Cathy Andreen, told The Huffington Post: ‘It was supposed to just be to welcome the girls who were going out for Greek rush.’

Ashley Getwan, president of the Panhellenic Association at the university, said: ‘We didn’t realize it would get so much publicity… Any publicity is good publicity, we hope.’

CBS42.com reported that the school’s rush week has seen a record number of would-be pledges, with more than 1,700 and counting.

Counterpoint:

One YouTube commenter wrote: ‘This is f**king embarrassing. I love this school, but this is why people can’t stand these sh*theads.’

I’m going to throw in with the second guy.

Yeah, I can’t come up with a funny picture for this one. ESPN’s college football rumors page is using a player’s death to talk about the Alabama Crimson Tide’s depth chart. In a site grab that has just started spreading around Twitter (with a tip of the hat to a rightfully outraged Jimmy Traina … although you really don’t want somebody tipping a hat in your direction over this), Albert Lin shows you how much of a f**king joke you can be and still get a mainstream blogging job by trivializing Aaron Douglas’ death to the point of absurdity.

The best part is where he uses the phrase “although it’s far from the most important result of this development” as a sort of “I’m not racist, but” safeguard against criticism, completely missing out on the fact that his “shocker” is ONLY about this result of the development. I keep wanting to type “what the hell is wrong with you,” but even that doesn’t seem to touch it. I’m not the worldwide leader in sports or anything, but I wouldn’t think this is the kind of thing you’d want to pay somebody to write.

Rest in peace, Aaron. Sorry about some of the people you left behind.

Update: The offending post has been removed (and now reads “XX”). Hopefully more than the post itself will be removed.

[H/T to Jimmy Traina, photo credit to Sean Kennedy]

Some people in this world simply have no integrity and no moral fibers. Take Dorothy Davidson, for instance. The candidate for mayor of Bessemer, Alabama recently passed out some campaign fliers featuring a photograph of herself and University of Alabama football coach Nick Saban with a message of the National Champion coach’s endorsement for her election. The only problem is the picture is photoshopped and Dorothy’s people digitally added her picture over Saban’s wife.

But it’s totally cool, you see. Saban told Dorothy’s people that she could do it because her campaign manager’s father and Nick are good friends. He just didn’t have enough time to meet up with Dorothy to take a new photo, so he passed along the photo of him and his wife taken in 2007 (after the jump) and said, “Just go ahead and slap your photo over my wife.” So these pesky newspaper and TV reporters need to leave Dorothy alone, because she and her campaign manager swore repeatedly yesterday that their story was valid, and her campaign indeed had the Crimson blessing of the Tide.

Go ahead and question the photo of me and Marisa Miller exchanging wedding vows, Birmingham News:

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