Adidas posted a video to YouTube this morning to debut their new alternate uniforms for the Nebraska Cornhuskers, a bright red number with decorative knee-socks, those stupid gloves that make a pattern when you hold your palms out that everyone loves and nobody will wear in five years, and a gigantic black “N” on the front. They look nice, aside from a few places (like College Football Section) making all the appropriate “LOL, you look like the Kool-Aid Man” jokes.

As a nerd born in the 1980s, my first thought wasn’t the Kool-Aid Man, and I’m relieved to say I’m not the only one who thought this: Nebraska’s new uniforms make them look exactly like Kevin from ‘Captain N: The Game Master’. See?

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The NFL and Nike invited fans from all over the globe to New York City yesterday to unveil the league’s brand new uniforms, as they were presented by one player from each team. As we know, the league’s contract with Reebok expired recently – and not without some awkwardness – and Nike was ready to usher NFL players into a new era of slightly different alterations and aerodynamic thingamajiggies. Our Uproxxian colleague Gotty was on hand to check out the entire new collection, if you want to view the whistles and bells, but the only team that actually received a total makeover was the Seattle Seahawks.

In case you didn’t get to watch much Seahawks action last season, the old uniforms looked like this:

They’re not terrible by any means, but they do lack those essential things like ZAZZ!!! and BOOM POW ZING!!! Thankfully, Nike has a team of experts who majored in those fields at their secret underground universities in the Pacific Northwest, and they were able to give the Seahawks their much needed overhaul. I’m giving it an A+ with two snaps and a sugar shaker from my muffin maker.

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Well…no. This is actually a concept design created by Eric Epp, a graphic designer from Niagra with a little too much time on his hands. That said, this encapsulates some of the design elements revealed by the Buffalo Bills organization: keeping the current Bills logo, but changing from red helmets to white with a new overalll uniform design. Epp brings back the white shoes, with red trim, and a classic numeral set with rounded player name letters.

The numbers are the interesting thing here: we’ve seen most NFL teams designing their own sets of numerals. The Jaguars, Cardinals, Lions and Chargers all included distinct-looking numerals with their new uniforms. That distinction makes them eligible for trademarking, a proprietary measure that gives the NFL and its teams more control over their product. Expect the Bills to unveil a design similar to Epp’s creation here, but with goofier-looking numbers on the jersey.

Apropos of almost nothing, I still owe Pete Connolly an a capella tribute to the Buffalo Bills. Any help you guys could give me with the lyrics would be appreciated in the comments.

Via Joe Buscaglia/WGR 550.

Penn State will wear “new” unis this fall, and as you can see from the images above, the changes are next to pointless. The only modification being made is that the trim on the sleeves and neck of the jerseys will be gone, leaving a bland base look with absolutely no detail whatsoever. Oh, except for the Nike swoosh. I’m sure Nike was just an innocent bystander in the whole thing and didn’t engineer this to sell more replica gear.

As if it wasn’t easy enough to recruit against the Big Ten, those schools in the south can now boast that their practice jerseys are even nicer than Penn State’s gameday apparel. It wasn’t enough that Penn State football has cold winters, no built-in TV market and a head coach that could die at any moment. No, they had to put themselves even farther in the hole. Next year they might even ban liquor and women from campus. Hey, look how well that works for BYU.

The Nike design department strikes again, this time in Dallas-Ft. Worth with the reimagination of the Texas Christian University football team’s uniform set. My goodness gracious, those look like absolute ass. I could see Adam Lambert’s backup dancers wearing something like this, because they look both glitzy and cheap. Too much color-blocking, monochromatic numerals (stenciled, no less), and the V-neck is way too necky. It’s not supposed to stretch halfway across the back. Oh, and they took the horned frog off the helmet.

Nike, I hate you so much. I’d burn your entire Oregon operation to the ground if I knew you couldn’t make a commerative jersey over it. Via Eye On Fornelli.

Back in December, I hit a point that I was spending more time on sports rumor web sites than I was on Facebook or Twitter, which is a considerable concern mind you, and it was all due to the Albert Pujols contract talks. And my obsessive behavior hit a low point when I actually shelled out American currency to pay for ESPN Insider. Of course I know that all of ESPN’s “rumors” are available everywhere else – and rarely correct – but I still needed to hear from Buster Olney that Albert’s best landing place was St. Louis, even if it meant reading Michael Wilbon’s latest efforts like, “I’m from Chicago, did you know this?” and “Every team should let the Cubs win”.

With that Insider subscription, of course, came ESPN the Magazine, or as I like to call it – Highlights for sports fans. Although the latest issue didn’t feature Goofus and Gallant teaching us about the NFL lockout, it was the “Style Report”, for which I went out and bought a Burberry scarf just to flip it in contempt. Actually, the issue has been on my bathroom floor for a week.

I won’t go into too much detail about my lack of desire to read about how I can spend $8,000 to dress like Steve Johnson and CJ Wilson, but I was rather tickled by a short feature about Tommy Hilfiger’s thoughts on how he would change the uniforms of pro sports’ most iconic teams – namely the L.A. Lakers, New York Yankees, Dallas Cowboys and Montreal Canadiens. Meanwhile, I still can’t convince Saran Wrap to redesign the Miami Dolphins cheerleaders’ uniforms.

If you haven’t already scoffed at the notion, take a look for yourself.

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