Tim Tebow Wants To Sell You His Underwear

Written by Shakey / 07.27.10

tebowjockey

Be prepared to have the crotch cleavage of your favorite professional bible thumper forever seared into your memory for the foreseeable future because pretty soon Tim Tebow’s privates will be blown up and shown wherever advertisements are sold. According to Darren Rovell’s twitter, and verified by his own page on the Jockey underwear website, Tim Tebow is the new face of those testicle shattering compression shorts athletes like to wear.

Heisman Trophy Winner and pro football quarterback Tim Tebow will serve as a Jockey spokesperson beginning in July, 2010.

“I’m excited to represent the Jockey brand. I’ve long been a fan and consumer of Jockey and I’m looking forward to a great relationship with such a respectable and innovative company.”

Tim will work with several of Jockey’s product lines, including the Jockey Staycool collection coming in Spring 2011. -Jockey

It’s tough to imagine someone who values their image as a crystal clean Christian lover of the universe as much as Tebow to do something as racy as appear in underwear advertisements, but I guess somebody has to pay for his trips to the Philippines to chop off the foreskins of orphan babies, right? And for all we know, Tebow may have already chopped off his private parts to have them cryogenically frozen until marriage to stave off any chance of female temptation so we may not even have to stare at the massive outline of his private region as it stares menacingly down upon us from its perch in the middle of Times Square. Good luck, New Yorkers. At least this’ll make being blind cool again.

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UNDER WHERE?

Written by JOSH Z / 01.20.10

venus_williams_commando_b

Deadspin and Huffpo have been all over this “Was Venus Williams Not Wearing Underwear?” debacle, as if (a) Any professional athlete would take the field/court/ice without wearing the adequate britches, or (b) anyone could resist mentioning Venus’ unmentionables. Hey, guilty as charged. But call of the dogs, it was just brown undies.

And I realize that, for some of you, this isn’t your bag, but personally, I like a little extra junk in the trunk. Will we see an all-chocolate get-up from Venus to make everyone believe she’s totally in the buff? Let’s hope not. I can only give tennis so much attention as it is. Between this and our peeing ballboy, I’ve had my fill.

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NO LINGERIE BOWL FOR YOU, NOT YOURS

Written by Matt / 01.30.08

Come on, split!

Citing a bunch of fake-sounding excuses like "lack of permits" the organizers of Lingerie Bowl V say the show is off. Again. For the second straight year. Why even bother playing Super Bowl then, if there's no accompanying soft core porn that doesn't involve the announcers and Tom Brady's junk?

It was the first time they tried to hold the event in the Super Bowl host city, as the previous Lingerie Bowls were held in my bedroom the L.A. Coliseum. We also lose out on color commentary from Jenna Jameson in which she would have detailed all the different color penises in her mouth. Megafrownies:((((

But, hey, buck up sulkmonkey: Puppy Bowl IV is still going strong. Going on the newspaper. Going on the grass. GOING ON THE WHAT? CARPET? YOU STUPID FUCKING DOG! Hopefully Parker Posey can find Colt's busy bee in time for kick-off.  -Christmas Ape

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