In case you missed our amazing, award-winning UFC 159 live discussion (4th runner-up at the Ms. Alaska Recently-Divorced Ladies pageant) and my “Oh please make the GIFs stop” recap on Monday, UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Jon Jones suffered a bit of an ouchy boo-boo on his toe-toe during his first round TKO of Chael Sonnen last Saturday night.

Originally, it was believed that he had suffered a compound fracture, because the video of his toe snapping looked a lot like Linda Blair’s head spinning around in The Exorcist. However, according to Dr. Robert Klapper, the Chief Orthopedic Surgeon at Cedars-Sinai Hospital, if that is his real name and professional title, it was just a simple dislocation and he’ll be back to fighting in two months, tops.

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What’s the best way to celebrate UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Jon ‘Bones’ Jones, a man so intensely athletic that he can cause his own toe to twist off like a bottle cap and still win a fight? By having the least athletic person you know, possibly yourself, put every food item within 20 feet onto a sandwich role and call it the Bones Jones.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Bones Jones.

Ingredients – salami, ham, habanero nacho cheese, country fried bacon, habanero pickles, chipotle mayo, and fried Mac n cheese bites! On a toasted sub!

I’m (somewhat predictably) not a fan of the Epic Meal Time gag, so I’m even less of a fan of the Epic Meal Time also-rans. There’s comedy in wrapping a full-sized, living cow in bacon slices and dropkicking it into a microwave or whatever, but there’s a fine line between “here’s an hilarious thing to eat” entertainment piece and just being a grotesque motherf**ker who eats everything he owns in a pile.

I really want to see Spilly improve the Bones Jones by adding Play-Doh to it.

[h/t to Middle Easy]

UFC Women’s Champion Ronda Rousey graces the cover of ESPN the Magazine for the second time in her already storied career as a professional ass-kicker, this time as part of the Worldwide Network’s publication’s celebration of 15 years as a magazine. Man, I can’t believe that it has really been 15 years since the Mag started arriving at my home in terrible condition because it was bigger than my other magazines so the mailman needed to cram it into my slot… wait, that’s the story of how I was conceived.

Anyway, like I said, this is Rousey’s second cover, as she made her first appearance on/in the 2012 Body Issue. Don’t remember that one? That’s okay, I’ve got it right here.

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A lot of people think that UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Jon Jones and I are a lot alike, and they’re mostly right. The only real difference between us is that when he breaks his toe in an absurdly graphic manner, he still wins his fight, celebrates with a pizza and energy drink and then goes to the hospital for surgery, while I scream like a cat giving birth and run around in circles for 5 minutes. And that’s just when he breaks his toe. But other than that, the champ and I are practically the same person.

Anyway, in case you were unable to join us for another one of our award-winning UFC live discussions – this one took home 3rd place at the Broward County Fair – Jones indeed defended his title with a first round TKO over Chael Sonnen, despite the fact that he fractured his toe and you could totally see the bone sticking out of the skin. And I don’t normally post images and GIFs of such graphic nature, but good Lord, people. I just can’t look away.

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UFC 159 went down tonight, and we’ve got your quick and dirty results.

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“Witness a man’s dream of becoming a champion be demolished.” – Jon Jones

UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Jon Jones and his UFC 159 opponent Chael Sonnen have a great history of exchanging unkind words. When Sonnen made the jump to the light heavyweight division last year, he immediately wanted a shot at the title, because he’s a confident guy and that’s pretty typical. Leading up to UFC 151, Sonnen predicted that Dan Henderson would defeat Jones, and that if “there’s anything left of him” he’d still like to fight Jones.

Jones’ response to Sonnen’s prediction was less than kind, as he said that Sonnen fought like a child against Anderson Silva, before calling him a coward and a cheater. Henderson, of course, pulled out of 151 with an injury just days before the event was scheduled to go down, and even with Sonnen offering to take his place, Jones refused and the entire PPV was canceled.

Long story short, the two were named the coaches for The Ultimate Fighter 17 and tomorrow night they face each other in the main event at UFC 159 at the Prudential Center in Newark, New Jersey. And while Sonnen has been actually singing Jones’ praises this week, Jones Tweeted that this is all Sonnen is going to see…

If anything, this PPV has given us one of my favorite promotional commercials of all-time, as the Chael Sonnen voiceover ads have had me cracking up for the past month. They’ve gotten to the point that I’ll be ordering food and I’ll say, “There’s a name for the person who’s about to eat this sandwich and it’s CHAEL SONNEN.” You have to be there. The waitress laughs every time.

As for the rest of the fight card, you can chiggity check it below and read our own Lobster Mobster’s handy dandy fight primer to prepare. Join us tomorrow night starting at 8 PM ET for the preliminary fights on FX and 10 PM ET for the PPV fights.

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