This video of a dancing old woman at a tailgate from the Southern Cal-UCLA game last Saturday has been making the rounds, but I didn’t see it before today. The alleged grandmother, clad head-to-toe in cardinal and gold, somehow doesn’t throw out her back while she gets grinded on by what I can only assume is an incognito Raiders fan. Hope you brought extra K-Y, my man. She’ll probably shoot dust out of whatever two holes you don’t pick. At least you can forget about the condoms. Her reproductive system is just like her income–they’re both fixed.

Enjoy the video after the jump. Quickly, before she dies.

The Oregon Ducks played UCLA last night and for some reason this was being trumped up as a rite of passage for Oregon to be crowned No. 1 (as they were in the Harris and coaches’ polls last week). Since when does anything run through UCLA? Besides the possibility of a really nasty strand of VD? Yeah, I still call it VD. It’s pleasantly all-emcompassing.

The Ducks left UCLA with a blurred vision, scoring touchdowns on their first five possessions in the first half. When the Bruins got a 25-yard field goal by Kai Forbath to cut the deficit to 15-3, the Ducks countered by going 55 yards in 27 seconds to go up, 22-3.

The rest was a statistical pile-up for the Ducks. Quarterback Darron Thomas threw for a career-high 308 yards and had three touchdown passes. Running back LaMichael James had 123 yards rushing. The Ducks had 23 plays of 10 or more yards. –LA Times.

Just don’t give me this jive about how Oregon is now an undisputed No. 1. They ran up the score a below-average Pac-10 team that lost to Kansas State and was trounced by Stanford and Cal. The best and worst thing about college football is that there almost never is an undisputed No. 1, especially in October. Let’s acknowledge that and move on.

After losing to Oregon and then later getting blown out by Stanford, the Southern Cal football program was woefully short on hutzpah as they entered their next-to-last game of the season, hosting UCLA. And so it was Carroll calling for a long bomb in the fourth quarter when the Persons of Troy already had the game in hand, running up the score…all the way to 28 points. Way to put an exclamation point on that win, Pete.

The talking point from a 28-7 [win] over its crosstown rival will be the sequence that began with USC taking over at the UCLA 47 with 54 seconds left. USC quarterback Matt Barkley, protecting a 21-7 lead, took a knee, content to run out the clock.

UCLA coach Rick Neuheisel called timeout.[..]

So, instead of taking a knee, Barkley dropped back and flicked a deep pass to Damian Williams for a 48-yard touchdown that touched off a wild celebration on the USC sideline and nearly brought the two teams to blows.

“It’s just the heart of a competitor, just battling,” Carroll said.

I wouldn’t even do that in Madden, let alone in real life. Anyway, if Oregon beats Oregon State on Thursday, it will be the first time since 2001 that Southern Cal will be denied all or part of a Pac 10 title. And that’s fine with me. Let someone else beat up on the Big Ten in the Rose Bowl for once.

Lakers guard Jordan Farmar is writing a blog for Playboy while rehabbing his bum knee, and in his latest entry he talks about his alma mater (UCLA) and the potentially deadly dangers of being a sports star there.  Yes, deadly.  A man can drown in poon, you know.

[F]emale fans’ attention is part of the life on campus, and it’s all good. You’re young, you’re doing what you love and you get attention from girls and everyone else, ’cause they all know who you are. So it’s nice when girls give you that attention. But sometimes, the girls and fans can get a little pushy. [...]

Groupies are always part of campus life and it’s something you have to watch out for. Girls used to come to our dorm room all the time, knocking on our door, leaving off notes and propositions. [...]

And you get some invasion of privacy, like I said, they’re knocking on your door, all the time. There’s no secret where you’re staying when you’re living on campus. Most freshman [sic] and sometimes sophomores stay on campus, so they’re the ones getting hit on. [...] Until [you move off-campus], there’s notes and cards under the door, gifts, Valentine’s Day-grams, all kinds of stuff. Girls in the stands are wearing your jersey with writing asking you to marry them. Anything you can think of, it happens.

You mean there’s no shortage of hot, horny 18- and 19-year-olds who ache for you and know where to find you?  That sounds awful.  Just… awful.  Whoa, hey, I just popped some capillaries in my eyes.  Who knew you could do that from clenching your teeth?

[Game On via SbB]

Stressed-out UCLA students have a quarterly tradition of taking a break from Finals Week to strip down to their underwear and run around campus for the appropriately named Undie Run.  And finally an intrepid reporter (Adam Rose of the LA Times’s What’s Bruin blog) went and got video of the event to capture such newsworthy events as beefcakes shushing their friends so they can talk on-camera and girls kissing each other.

This reminds me of letting loose during my Finals Weeks at Northwestern.  Except replace “running in underwear” with “trudging into the icy wind along Lake Michigan in fleece-lined pants and a winter parka.”  Good times.  Sometimes I wonder if my college years were almost too sexy.

[Also see LAist: Best of Undie Run 2006-2008]

USC coach Pete Carroll wants his team to wear their red home jerseys at UCLA this Saturday, even though it will cost his team two timeouts during the game.

Carroll said on Monday that the Trojans would wear their cardinal red home jerseys on Saturday at the Rose Bowl. That violates an NCAA rule that requires visiting teams to wear white, and the infraction will cost him two timeouts, one per half…

“I just thought it was a really cool tradition,” Carroll said.   As for losing timeouts?  “I don’t care about it right now,” Carroll said. “I think it’s the fun thing to do, and I think the fans will appreciate it over time.”

The “tradition” of both teams wearing their home jerseys was last carried out 26 years ago, and USC has to win the rivalry game in order to secure their spot in the Rose Bowl.  So no pressure, boys.  Just focus on tradition and fun, and relax knowing that you’re not wearing white after Labor Day.  That has to be a relief.  Those away jerseys totally made you look fat.