"Will you do me the honor of humiliating me?"

This young NCAA men’s basketball season hasn’t been too kind to the 7-7 UCLA Bruins, who return to action this Thursday against Arizona, but it has apparently been even worse to some UCLA fans. At the Bruins’ Dec. 23 game against Richmond, as the dreaded Mistletoe camera made its rounds, one male fan decided that it was the most opportune time to pop the big question. And then millions of men and women everywhere slapped their faces in complete disbelief.

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This gallery may not appeal to the more Hot-Cheerleaders-In-Slow-Motion-inclined members of the With Leather readership, but don’t be afraid to enjoy it, because at some point during the 1970s the Walt Disney Corporation teamed up with Wonder Bread to give away pennant stickers with loaves of bread that are literally nothing but Disney characters destroying college names with puns. Yes, that’s a sentence I’ve written.

As I see it, there are two fine ways to enjoy this:

1. Flipping through and trying to figure out which school each pennant represents, because some of them are a stretch.
2. Losing control of your neck and bashing your head against the desk in a full-body groan when you realize “Mickey Can Skate” is Michigan State, or whatever.

A third way to enjoy it is through the absurdity of the illustrations, like Cinderella doing 2,000 pounds of laundry in her ball gown or Goofy with a broken leg because you can only make so many puns about Tulane. And yes, ACC fans, here is where you learn about how Disney preappropriated your “dook” joke for Duke and made it about fowl royalty a decade or so before you were born. I kept expecting to see a Virginia Tech pennant where Shan Yu from Mulan is holding up a castrated turkey.

Note: Full credit for these goes to Disney, I guess, but credit for putting them on the Internet goes to Jason Liebig.

[h/t Disney Food Blog]

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This video of a dancing old woman at a tailgate from the Southern Cal-UCLA game last Saturday has been making the rounds, but I didn’t see it before today. The alleged grandmother, clad head-to-toe in cardinal and gold, somehow doesn’t throw out her back while she gets grinded on by what I can only assume is an incognito Raiders fan. Hope you brought extra K-Y, my man. She’ll probably shoot dust out of whatever two holes you don’t pick. At least you can forget about the condoms. Her reproductive system is just like her income–they’re both fixed.

Enjoy the video after the jump. Quickly, before she dies.

The Oregon Ducks played UCLA last night and for some reason this was being trumped up as a rite of passage for Oregon to be crowned No. 1 (as they were in the Harris and coaches’ polls last week). Since when does anything run through UCLA? Besides the possibility of a really nasty strand of VD? Yeah, I still call it VD. It’s pleasantly all-emcompassing.

The Ducks left UCLA with a blurred vision, scoring touchdowns on their first five possessions in the first half. When the Bruins got a 25-yard field goal by Kai Forbath to cut the deficit to 15-3, the Ducks countered by going 55 yards in 27 seconds to go up, 22-3.

The rest was a statistical pile-up for the Ducks. Quarterback Darron Thomas threw for a career-high 308 yards and had three touchdown passes. Running back LaMichael James had 123 yards rushing. The Ducks had 23 plays of 10 or more yards. –LA Times.

Just don’t give me this jive about how Oregon is now an undisputed No. 1. They ran up the score a below-average Pac-10 team that lost to Kansas State and was trounced by Stanford and Cal. The best and worst thing about college football is that there almost never is an undisputed No. 1, especially in October. Let’s acknowledge that and move on.

After losing to Oregon and then later getting blown out by Stanford, the Southern Cal football program was woefully short on hutzpah as they entered their next-to-last game of the season, hosting UCLA. And so it was Carroll calling for a long bomb in the fourth quarter when the Persons of Troy already had the game in hand, running up the score…all the way to 28 points. Way to put an exclamation point on that win, Pete.

The talking point from a 28-7 [win] over its crosstown rival will be the sequence that began with USC taking over at the UCLA 47 with 54 seconds left. USC quarterback Matt Barkley, protecting a 21-7 lead, took a knee, content to run out the clock.

UCLA coach Rick Neuheisel called timeout.[..]

So, instead of taking a knee, Barkley dropped back and flicked a deep pass to Damian Williams for a 48-yard touchdown that touched off a wild celebration on the USC sideline and nearly brought the two teams to blows.

“It’s just the heart of a competitor, just battling,” Carroll said.

I wouldn’t even do that in Madden, let alone in real life. Anyway, if Oregon beats Oregon State on Thursday, it will be the first time since 2001 that Southern Cal will be denied all or part of a Pac 10 title. And that’s fine with me. Let someone else beat up on the Big Ten in the Rose Bowl for once.

Lakers guard Jordan Farmar is writing a blog for Playboy while rehabbing his bum knee, and in his latest entry he talks about his alma mater (UCLA) and the potentially deadly dangers of being a sports star there.  Yes, deadly.  A man can drown in poon, you know.

[F]emale fans’ attention is part of the life on campus, and it’s all good. You’re young, you’re doing what you love and you get attention from girls and everyone else, ’cause they all know who you are. So it’s nice when girls give you that attention. But sometimes, the girls and fans can get a little pushy. [...]

Groupies are always part of campus life and it’s something you have to watch out for. Girls used to come to our dorm room all the time, knocking on our door, leaving off notes and propositions. [...]

And you get some invasion of privacy, like I said, they’re knocking on your door, all the time. There’s no secret where you’re staying when you’re living on campus. Most freshman [sic] and sometimes sophomores stay on campus, so they’re the ones getting hit on. [...] Until [you move off-campus], there’s notes and cards under the door, gifts, Valentine’s Day-grams, all kinds of stuff. Girls in the stands are wearing your jersey with writing asking you to marry them. Anything you can think of, it happens.

You mean there’s no shortage of hot, horny 18- and 19-year-olds who ache for you and know where to find you?  That sounds awful.  Just… awful.  Whoa, hey, I just popped some capillaries in my eyes.  Who knew you could do that from clenching your teeth?

[Game On via SbB]