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Burnsy Makes People Laugh In Real Life - Here’s a nice teaser of Burnsy performing at a college football roast held by the Kiwanis Club. My Kiwanis act would be “so I hear you guys like eucalyptus … anybody remember Noozles” and then coughing for 12 minutes. Burnsy’s better at this than me. [WPTV]

More Star Wars Blu-Ray Edits No Less Ridiculous Than The Real Ones - No less ridiculous, but way funnier. All we need now is for Obi-Wan to tell the story of the two frogs that fell in a pot of boiling milk. [Gamma Squad]

1988 George Lucas Was Against 2011 George Lucas Before He Was For Him - In 20 years, Return of the Jedi is just going to be When In Rome with some blinking Muppets. It will still be better than anything involving a spaceship made since like 1985. [UPROXX]

Game On: HIV Test That Shut Down Porn Industry Was False Positive - The next scandal should be a porn star telling her director that she’s pregnant and showing him a home test she intentionally peed on too much to make positive, and then a month or so of follow-up where the director sobs in a Planned Parenthood until she admits she did it on purpose. [Film Drunk]

Kick@ss Movie GIF Photosets: Part Two - I need to learn how to make GIFs more efficiently, I want to contribute a Josie and the Pussycats set, and possibly one for Stay Tuned. The Golden “Ghouls” still makes me laugh, because I’m 10. [UPROXX]

Soulja Boy: “F**k Army Troops” - Whenever we are upset at something Soulja Boy has said, we must remember that he’s the guy who filmed himself jumping off a cliff in “Braid”, rewinding it, and jumping off again while laughing. I’m sure he hates army troops AND hospital doctors. [Smoking Section|

Oprah Winfrey and Usher Versus Yelling Goat - I'm siding with the goat in every imaginable scenario. [UPROXX]

First Video: Patricia Clarkson as Tammy 1 on ‘Parks and Recreation’ - Pretty excited to have this and “Community” back and airing regularly. Also excited for season two of Outsourced!! [Warming Glow]

A Compendium of Cool Comics Cosplay: Walking Dead Edition - “Zombie” always strikes me as a lazy costume, even when you put tons of work into it. Like, it’s the asexual equivalent of the “sexy” costume. I’m a zombie nurse! I’m a zombie firefighter! etc. [Gamma Squad]

25 Stunning Raquel Welch Magazine Covers - I’m not complaining, but why did somebody decide this should be a Buzzfeed post? Can I put up galleries of Ginger Rogers? [Buzzfeed]

21 Dropped TV Subplots - I think Buffy had about 40 of these, unless “Willow didn’t go to jail or lose any friends or face any kind of personal punishment for killing a bunch of people, she just had to go to wizard therapy in England” isn’t a subplot. [FARK]

Why (Some) French Movie Posters Are Better Than Ours - Polish posters are even better, but Japanese posters are the best. The Field of Dreams poster where the title is MAN BUILDS CORNFIELD AND HAS MAGICAL CATCH WITH DEAD FATHER or whatever is the funniest thing in history. [Moviefone]

Former Miami Dolphins defensive tackle and current bodybuilding enthusiast Daryl Gardener was arrested after an altercation with his girlfriend, Sonia Cabrera, earlier this week on the campus of the University of Central Florida.

Via the Sun-Sentinel:

The 38-year-old former defensive tackle was arrested early Tuesday morning in front of the University of Central Florida’s Zeta Tau Alpha house in Orlando along with his 49-year-old* girlfriend Sonia Cabrera after the two got into a fight.

Cabrera told police she was angry with Gardener after the two had attended a club called Fubar** earlier in the night (because, of course Orlando nightlife includes a spot called Fubar). Cabrera became so angry that later in the night she threw two bottles of cologne at Gardener and struck him with a tire iron at the Alpha Xi Delta sorority house.

For reasons we don’t really understand and this Sun-Sentinel article doesn’t clarify, Gardener tried to confront Cabrera with police officers at another sorority house at UCF. He had seen her in a third-floor window*** he told police. The fact that most of this all went down at sorority houses seems like the strangest part to us.

You’ll have to forgive my happiness over this story. So rarely does a news article come along that is, simply put, my perfect storm. A guy who used to play for my favorite NFL team was arrested on the campus of my alma mater after an altercation in front of two sorority houses that I spent too much time at in my college days. I’m so wistful right now.

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Central Florida baller Marcus Jordan, son of that one guy who used to play for the Bulls, had himself a nice little visit to Vegas last week with brother Jeffrey and a fellow UCFer, junior point guard A.J. Rompza. Now, the important thing to remember about Vegas is that you have to go in on a budget…unless your dad happens to be Michael Jordan.

Marcus Jordan later posted on his Twitter account about the players’ visits to Haze Nightclub and Liquid Pool Lounge at Aria Hotel and Casino City Center.

“Last night was stupid,” Marcus Jordan wrote on his Twitter account. “… 35k at Haze… Totals 50k something the whole day.. Damn!! Going to the pool again today.. Gotta relax!” –Orlando Sentinel.

Hey, good on him. I’m sure he his dad has the money and that he’s showing his son the ins and outs of losing more money than most people make in a year. That said, I couldn’t spend that kind of money if I was there for a month. And paid rent. Oh, and I forgot the best part–Marcus is only 20 years old. Eh, whatever. It’s not like he was soliciting johns in the parking lot. As far as I know…

Usually the words “Playboy Playmate” and “college football locker room” are only used when brainstorming porno ideas, but UCF alumni Shanna McLaughlin seems to be the exception to the rule. Shanna did a photo with aXis Magazine inside her alma mater’s locker room, a move approved by head coach George O’Leary. And here I was, thinking that kind of recruiting only happened at SEC schools.

“I approved the magazine,” O’Leary told a Sentinel reporter after practice ended Saturday. “The guy called my office and basically wanted to know if they could do a magazine shoot. There was a UCF girl who had her MBA and all that. And the only thing I asked is, ‘Is that a magazine that is distributed on campus?’ And they said, ‘Yes.’ They’ve done I think four, since I’ve been here at least four, initial copies of football [previews] opening up the football season.”

“Let me make this clear, UCF does not condone the photos and the video. We have spoken to the employee in question and we will speak to our entire staff to make sure that this does not happen again. To any fans who were offended by this, we sincerely apologize.” –Orlando Sentinel

Nothing says your school has the glitz and glamor of Florida, Miami, or Florida State like apologizing for having Playmates in your locker room. George has made some questionable decisions while serving as a head coach throughout his career, so what does he have to lose? It’s awful that he’s in hot water for this, while Rick Pitino gets off unscathed for his sexcapades. The folks at Louisville probably felt sorrier for Rick than anything else. Have you seen Karen Sypher? She looks like a 50 year old Lindsay Lohan. Video of the photo shoot after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »