“What is a douchebag? I really don’t know what it means.”

If there’s a purpose to What Would Ryan Lochte Do?, I’m not sure that E! and the titular swimmer are painting it with the same set of fingers. The network’s newest reality series debuted last night, as the 11-time Olympic swimming medalist wants to give his fans and, more importantly, people like me, who believe that he is a human cartoon character, a glimpse into his daily life as the ultimate All-American boy. The only problem is that E! and the show’s producers do not share that desire.

Once I came to that realization in the show’s opening moments, when we see him shouting his trademark made-up word, “JEAH!” all over the place, my mind began to wander, ultimately making me ask myself this question: Is Ryan Lochte the greatest genius that this world has ever known?

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There are plenty of things wrong with the world to be freaking out over right now, but I suppose that if you’re a big Summer Olympics fan who loathes hats, you could make a case for being most upset about the new Ralph Lauren U.S. Olympics get-ups (above) that were revealed this week. I don’t see what the big deal is. Yeah, white pants are always dangerous with Michael Phelps splashing that Subway avocado mess all over the place, and sure, they’re preppy, but our athletes should look nice.

But there are plenty of people bitching and moaning this week that our American athletes should not be wearing berets, the hat of the French. At the front of that complaint line is the adorable panel of Fox & Friends, as they just cannot believe that someone would make our finest examples of Americans stand before the rest of the world in another country’s headgear. Absolutely deplorable, Ralph Lauren.

And before any of you complain – if you even bother reading this far before you hit the comments – I’d make fun of any cable news show that featured such a ridiculous complaint. However, I’d still pick F&F first, though, because Steve Doocy is so damn punchable.

UPDATE: People are pissed that the uniforms are made in China. I know this because they typed their rage on computers made in Japan.

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