As part of our continuing effort to not hear from Hope Solo’s lawyers again, we’re dedicating the weeks leading up to the 2012 Summer Olympics to introducing you to the most exciting American athletes so that you can watch with pride and basic knowledge. And since the men’s soccer players chose to use their vacation days this time around, you can look forward to getting to know some lesser known athletes from less popular sports. For instance, did you know America has synchronized swimmers?

Hell yeah, we do! For starters, we’ve got Mariya Koroleva, a Russian-born Stanford University student, and Mary Killman, a 21-year old Native American competing on the 100-year anniversary of Jim Thorpe – another Native American Olympic athlete – winning two gold medals at the 1912 Olympics. Look how much you just learned about three awesome American athletes from one sentence! If this were a class, you’d all get an A.

An A for American. Let’s update the official 2012 With Leather Summer Olympics American Athlete To Watch List…

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As the 2012 Summer Olympics near, we fully intend to bring you previews of as many of the American athletes as we can, so that you can be prepared to watch every event with great patriotic fervor. I will admit, though, that by “fully intend” and “bring you previews” I mean that I’m probably going to post a few hundred pictures of Alex Morgan. Not like anyone would mind, I’m sure. But before we get to that moment, I’d like to introduce my new favorite U.S. Olympic athlete – trap shooter Corey Cogdell.

Corey previously won a bronze medal at the 2008 Summer Olympics, but we were clearly preoccupied by something else and did not notice her obvious badassery until now. And because I don’t want my kneecaps shot to pieces, I’d like to offer Corey a heartfelt apology and make her the first entry on the 2012 With Leather Summer Olympics American Athlete To Watch List…

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Beware all ye who tread beyond this image.

There are some days that I look up at the sky and wonder if the world really is coming to an end, and today’s not just one of those days. I think it’s the day that we’ve finally received an answer. Susanne Eman, the World’s Fattest Woman, is getting married. And of course it’s to a chef, because her story just had to get dumber.

Last year, we introduced you to Eman, who hails from Phoenix and had the aspiration of doubling her weight from 800-pounds to 1,600-pounds or 4/5 of a f*cking ton. Sadly, we later learned that doctors stepped in and told her that if she continued this ridiculous quest, she’d die before she ever hit her goal. So she stopped, and it seemed like her fame did as well.

Guess again, skinny britches! Eman’s back and she’s finally found love in a colonoscopeless place, and she’s adding one more world record notch to her equator belt – the world’s largest wedding dress. Give me the quote of the year, Huffington Post!

“I like an off-whitish, not completely white. Because if I wear completely white, I guarantee I’m going to spill something on it,” Eman told Inside Edition.

Just how big is the world’s largest wedding dress? 45 FEET OF MATERIAL! Her waist is 9 feet! Responded a naked child in Africa, “That’s cool, I’m good.” Let’s just hope that Eman never discovers Kate Upton’s Fashion Bridal Lingerie collection. *shivers*

Eman has also decided that her health is meaningless, because she now wants to achieve the status of the fattest woman ever. That record currently belongs to Rosalie Bradford, who died in 2006. I assume from natural causes.

I know what you’re wondering: “Does this classic American love story come with fries pictures?” You bet your ass. Maybe keep that Kate Upton link open just in case.

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While it wasn’t as good as the Doritos commercial with the dog killing cats and bribing his owner, the H&M underwear commercial (after the jump, ladies) starring David Beckham caused quite the stir for its bulginess and rippling abs… or so I was told, because I was totally checking my phone or peeing or outside grilling steaks, bro. But it also caused at least one of Beckham’s rivals to lash out at him via the manliest way possible – Twitter.

According to the memo that my With Leather British news agency carrier pigeon just died on top of, Joey Barton, who plays for Queens Park Rangers, sounded off about his displeasure with Beckham during the Super Bowl on Sunday night. Specifically, Barton gave Becks a jolly ol’ buggering over his tendency to endorse just about anything, as you can see above. But then he took the price of Becks’ knickers to task.

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