Just kidding. For a header, here is an awesome rap video.

Links

So Long and Thanks for All the Puppies - Matt Ufford is leaving Warming Glow, so I wanted to take a moment on this sports comedy blog he created to thank him for everything. Him going “hey, you should let this guy write” is the only reason I’m a part of the UPROXX family, and I’ll never forget that. P.S. you really should’ve put me in charge of Warming Glow, because I mean seriously [Warming Glow]

10 of the Greatest Comic Book Video Games - The list goes 1. Arkham Asylum, 2. Arkham City, 3. Captain America And The Avengers in the arcade, 4. that one Spider-Man game for the Sega CD with the Mr. Big soundtrack, 5. All Others. [Gamma Squad]

Crossface Chickenwing Rhymes: 7 Hip-Hop Lines About Bob Backlund - The best post in the history of the Smoking Section. DON’T EXACERBATE ME! [Smoking Section]

The Best Of #April Ludgate - If Annie Edison didn’t exist, she’d be my TV girlfriend. “Oh sorry guys, sorry I’m late. I got confused and took a shower after I got dressed ’cause I’m Jerry.” [UPROXX]

That Time Nic Cage Was On The Cover Of A Serbian Biology Textbook - Why does he keep randomly showing up places? He was on one of the rides at the Texas State Fair, too. Is he the Black Racer? Am I going to die? [Film Drunk]

Meme Watch: Hippo Coworker Is On The Other Side Of Your Cubicle Wall - You get that thing I sent you? [UPROXX]

7 Popular Songs That Are Too Rapey - “Hello” shouldn’t be on here, but “E.T.” by Katy Perry should. I feel weird when the little girl playing Just Dance at the Best Buy is shaking a Wiimote to “ready for abduction”. [Buzzfeed]

“Where Are The Great Movies?” Asks The Director Of Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull - Terrible journalism that makes up a headline and nobody reads the body. He didn’t say there are no good movies, he said he’d rather watch older films because they’re more romanticized. Jesus, reading comprehension, everybody. [FARK]

The Original Ending to ‘The Muppets’ Was Much Better - I’d like to think the |Moviefone|

‘Community’ Wins TV Guide Magazine Fan Favorite Poll - Too bad it can’t win any “fans watching television” contests. [AOL TV]

Brace Yourself, You’re About To Like Tyler Perry - Not even clicking this. I don’t want to live in a world where I have a three dimensional view of Tyler Perry, I just want to think of him as Ma Dukes from ‘The Boondocks’. [Pajiba]

A Collection of Masked Movie Posters - The Saw poster sorta looks like a Stormtrooper. I don’t know, all these minimalist things are making me love busy-ass posters. [Unreality]

Links

God Helps Those Who Get Helped By Great Defense And Mistakes By The Opposition - Tim Tebow teaches us that for all the stats and arguments in the world, all you have to do to succeed is win football games. God bless our special little man. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

The Russian Toe Hold That Will Kill Us All - This is what you get for fighting with your shoes off. [Cage Potato]

Why We Must Save ‘Community’: The Venn Diagram - Unfortunately “an increased role on ‘Mad Men’ for Trudy” is a good reason to NOT save Community. Pete and Trudy should be the main characters, and we should check in on Don pridefully weeping in California every third or fourth episode. [UPROXX]

The Top 5 Tablets For Holiday 2011 - Alka-Seltzer had better be on this list, am I right, folks? [Smoking Section]

Tell Your Dad: There’s A ‘Mork & Mindy’ Porn - The best part is the continuity that at some point, one of the porn stars becomes pregnant with Zelda Williams. [Film Drunk]

Crotchless Panties. You Know, For The Kids - This’ll go really great with the Lingerie Football kids league. [Warming Glow]

The NY Times Continues Its Hilarious War On Taylor Lautner - I turned on him the second Shark Boy (the wrestler) sued, so good riddance to bad, totally hairless rubbish. [UPROXX]

5 Captain Planet Episodes That Went Horribly Wrong - I hate people who say cartoon characters are hot, but if I could have sex with one animated lady it would be Dr. Blight from Captain Planet. Also on that list, Gadget from Rescue Rangers. She looks like Shawn Johnson. [Gamma Squad]

Ryan Gosling Fans Protest Outside People Magazine Headquarters - It’s pretty great that the one time my generation decides to protest, everyone else turns it into a meme. [Buzzfeed]

Tyler Perry Says That Tyler Perry Casting Kim Kardashian In A Tyler Perry Movie About Marriage Was A Really Good Idea By Tyler Perry - Also a good idea by Tyler Perry: having Mr. Brown do “yo mama” jokes about Madea while he plays double-dutch. [FARK]

Six Everyday Items That Should Require a License to Operate - “Keyboard”. [The Smoking Jacket]

Starrcade’s Main Events: Sting vs. The Black Scorpion (1990) - If you missed it yesterday, here’s me on the Wrestlespective podcast providing some wrestle-perspective on an old, sorta-bad match. Check it out and find out how great I am in real life. [Fair To Flair]

[header photo by way of Amanda Rykoff]

Links

A Short Time Ago In A Stadium Not Far Far Away - The only thing Jason Fry of Faith and Fear In Flushing knows more about than the New York Mets is Star Wars, so it is super awesome that he got to be a Stormtrooper for the Mets. Read about his story (he’s the one in the picture). [Faith and Fear]

Twitter Reacts To The News That Basketball Star Glen Rice Allegedly Banged Sarah Palin In 1987 - This is a great follow-up to yesterday’s article on With Leather for two reasons — one, it’s funny, and two, it gets the Tea Party yahoos googling “Sarah Palin Glen Rice” shuffled off to a different section of UPROXX. [UPROXX]

Six TV-Inspired Video Games That Were Nothing Like The Shows That Inspired Them - I remember playing that Home Improvement game and thinking it was one of the dumbest things ever. Somebody should make a King of Queens game where you have to drive post-apocalyptic battle cars. [Warming Glow]

The 15 Best Singing Performances In Non-Musical Films - Do the Country Bears count? What about “Don Henley as a Country Bear”? Because that was pretty amazing. [UPROXX]

Christina Hendricks Would Still Like To Be Wonder Woman - I would like for Christina Hendricks to stop smoking, get a part of her body other than the boobs in shape and display some sort of athleticism anywhere ever before getting to be Wonder Woman. [Gamma Squad]

AKNITomy: Amazing Knitted Dissected Animals - This is cute, and is the only way dissection should be done. The only thing I ever dissected was owl poop, and I didn’t get much farther than OH GOD THAT IS BONES. [Gamma Squad]

Awesome Mash-Up Alert: Twilight Plus Slapshot - Awesome mash-up idea alert: Slapshot plus anything. [Film Drunk]

Tyler Perry Tops Forbes’ List, Proves There Is No God - Mr. Brown is pretty funny, but no, not “millions and millions of dollars” funny. [Smoking Section]

Behold, the Greatest Book of All Time - This is number two all time, right behind The Bluest Eye. I’m gonna guess they have similar plots. [Buzzfeed]

Amanda Seyfried: ‘I can’t believe nobody wanted to see Megan Fox and me hitting it’ - I did, I totally did, I just didn’t want to sit through 45 minutes of Diablo Cody dialogue to get there. I checked out somewhere after “honest to blog”. [FARK]

20 Other Anticlimactic ‘Star Trek 2′ Confirmations - “Deep Space Nine will not appear, and we will continue pretending it didn’t exist, except in video packages about how we’re ahead of our time when it comes to gender and race relations.” [Moviefone]

Internet Browsers as Pretty Ladies - what [Unreality]

Every link in the “sports” section has a colon in it, so please enjoy the visual from this morning’s links title.

Sports

The Change-Up: Five Fighters We Wish Could Switch Bodies - Anything headed by a picture of Crush in her underwear gets a spotlight in the morning links. I wish I could switch bodies with Gina Carano. Also, part of me wishes Gina and Brock Lesnar were my parents. [Cage Potato]

Ed: The World’s Worst Baseball Movie - They should’ve done one of these “animal plays sports” movies with every character from “Friends”. I think MVP: Most Valuable Primate could’ve been even better with Matthew Perry breaking out “could he BE any better at hockey?” [Josh's Websight]

LOLNFL: Training Camp 2011, Part 2 - One thing I’ve never been good at on the Internet is adding big white letters to pictures to make them funny. I’m not knocking it, I just don’t know how to do it. Like, if I see a picture of Tom Brady all I can think to put over it is “TOM BRADY FOOTBALL”. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

The NBA Lockout Report: Ron Artest To Play In Britain Next Year - Finally, Peace comes to the UK. Maybe he has no intentions of playing basketball and just wants to break somebody’s window and steal their blu-ray of Rango. POLITICAL UNREST~! [Smoking Section]

With Leather

The Professional Wrestling Divas Guide to Fantasy Football Tight Ends - I’m happy to have helped with this installment of Burnsy’s Bad Advice. It got Chickbuster AJ onto the list and let me upload the greatest picture of Maryse ever. At least, the greatest work-safe one. [With Leather]

Green Eggs And Cam - Still waiting for somebody to notice the photoshop. Getting people to comment on regular sports blog posts is like translating doggone Shakespeare! [With Leather]

Jason Terry Is Livin’ De Life - And if you ain’t readin’, shorty, then you’re part of the hype. He said he’s livin de life, he said he’s livin de life. Repeat. [With Leather]

Hulk Hogan Weighed in on the UK Riots - Hulk’s about to get a naked picture of his daughter for his birthday (not a joke), so read your last chance ever to take him seriously. Because, uh, you’re still doing that. [With Leather]

Not Sports

Naturally Tyler Perry Gets His Own Cable Network, Jesus Weeps - The best joke on UPROXX all week is in this, comparing The Tyler Perry Channel to Hamsterdam from “The Wire”. I can’t wait for six full hours of “Meet The Browns”, though. [Smoking Section]

The John Stamos Guide to Cuddling - Step 1: Have Mercy. [College Humor]

The Ten Most Vile Actions of the Paddy’s Pub Gang on It’s Always Sunny - S.C.R.A.P.S. really needs to be a real acronym. This list is a great reminder that these people have been getting paid well to do things like building a literal sh*t-hole for the last seven years. [Warming Glow]

This Week in Posters: When Diagonals Attack! - Diagonal is the new Blue And Orange. Be sure to click through and watch the trailer for Disney’s weird, naturalist remake of Powder, which exists for some reason. All that trailer needed to make it perfect was “Chasing Cars”. [Film Drunk]