One of the reasons that social media sucks is because people think that their friends actually want to see pictures of their kids. Sites like Facebook and Twitter were actually created as platforms for people to post pictures and videos of animals dressed as humans; however, they’ve been largely hijacked by people with stupid, smelly children that give nothing back to society. Those kids need to get off their asses, learn how to speak (English preferably), go outside and GET JOBS.

But some parents actually make their dumb, booger children enjoyable, and one of those parents is UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Jon “Bones” Jones. Jones became a father for the third time, as his daughter Olivia was born yesterday morning. Naturally, Jones Tweeted through most of the ordeal, as his significant other, Jessie Moses*, popped out their third daughter in one push.

According to Jones, in the most Jon Jones way imaginable, little Olivia is doing just fine.

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You remember Australian hurdler Michelle Jenneke, right? If you don’t, here’s a quick rundown of her career to date:

1. She went crazy viral last July when we shared a video of her enthusiastically dancing during the Women’s 100 metres hurdles at the 14th IAAF World Junior Championships in Barcelona.
2. The Daily Mail, Bleacher Report and Huffington Post called us perverts for “unapologetically” sharing a slow-motion video of her dancing. You know, that they then shared by talking about how we shared it.
3. The Internet reacted badly, sending her nude photo spread and porn offers.
4. She decides to go hang out with the guys from theCHIVE, which is like a Red Sox player going to New York because they got offered more money.
5. Sports Illustrated gets her to dance in a swimsuit.

Now her time is mostly spent doing radio interviews and talk shows. She’s still trying to hurdle, at least, and recently went down with a hamstring injury. Because she is a young, beautiful person in the year 2013, she’s been chronicling the ailment on Instagram, and if you know anything about the placement of the hamstring, you’ll know that … yeah, it’s just pictures of her butt.

Here’s what she’s posted so far, you* pervert.

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For all of its pros and cons, Twitter is, at best, a valuable educational device. For example, on Saturday evening, a few of us took notice of a re-Tweet from our beloved Hall of Fame Celebrity Sports Fan of Every Year, Kate Upton. The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover model recognized a Russian girl named Ania, who Tweeted an image of herself paying tribute to Upton’s most recent SI cover, as you can see above. Then Twitter did its Twitter thing from there.

Within an hour, Ania’s follower count had jumped by several hundred, which is a little lower than unexpected, but I guess even the biggest Twitter pervs have an off-night. By this morning, the aspiring “mail order bride” was up to 1,362 followers, and she had already gone ahead and locked her account, only after she had openly Tweeted with Sports Illustrated and bragged about her “doppelganger” RT-ing her.

Ania’s 15 seconds of Twitter fame have come and gone, but I’d like to make a plea to our beloved Upton and all of the 18-and-up girls out there who aspire to be like her – let’s make Uptoning the new meme. Attractive girls everywhere can pick their favorite pictures of Kate and they can go out and recreate them. I can’t imagine there’s a single man out there who would object to this, and if there is, he should be monitored by the government because he’s probably Al Qaeda.

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Stefan Struve celebrated his 25th birthday on Friday, one day before what was supposed to be his biggest win for his young UFC Heavyweight career. And he knew his matchup with Mark Hunt was going to be a big one, because a win would put him one step closer to a championship fight. In fact, Struve even said this prior to his co-main event match on UFC on FUEL TV 8 in Japan:

“It’s going to be another step to the belt, in my opinion,” Struve said in explaining the benefits of topping Hunt this weekend. “With five wins in a row, I think I have a good bid for being one of the top contenders in the division. Perhaps I’ll earn a title shot at the end of the year.”

That would have been awesome, considering his young age and unique size at 7-feet tall, because the Heavyweight division could certainly use some new blood and personality. That would have been awesome. Would have.

Unfortunately, Struve’s grand scheme hit a minor snag in the form of a left hook from Hunt that looked like this…

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I can only imagine the life and times of Pro Sports PR Guy (and/or Gal). Scoring that gig must have felt like such a coup right out of college when all your buddies were applying for barista internships and moving back into their parents’ house. But then days and weeks and months of researching and tweeting boring stat after trivial stat after useless stat goes by and it dawns on you that this is your job and that living over the garage is still technically living in your parents’ house.

So after a big win where Joe Johnson inexplicably flips a clutch switch that had been Gorilla Glue’d off in Atlanta and Nets fans are busy bleeping each other’s bleeps in the social sphere, you decide to have a little fun with things.

And this, folks, is how the greatest pro sports PR tweet in the history of pro sports PR tweets comes into existence. Fancy embed after the jump in case you want to favorite it for eternity.

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Last year, an enterprising Chicago Cubs fan started a new Twitter account to honor the audacity of St. Louis Cardinals fans (like classy and intelligent me) in believing that they are the “Best Fans in Baseball”. I know it had to be a Cubs fan (or possibly a bitter X-Factor viewer) behind that account because fans of all other teams love and respect the Cardinals and their fans for being so smart when it comes to baseball’s inner workings and appropriate in all ballpark behavior.

Appropriately called “Baseball’s Best Fans”, this account simply retweets butthurt Cardinals fans who don’t like decisions made by the organization or plays on the field, and it’s all glorious. But the hurt is on the other butt now, Cubs fans, as someone has created the Twitter account “Cubs Facebook” which Tweets out actual comments from the official Cubs Facebook page. Even better, this Twitter is also run by a Cubs fan, with the battle cry:

Actual comments found on the Cubs Facebook page. This account is run by Cubs fans. We’re so sorry.

Naturally, we can appreciate how they haven’t all lost every shred of their sanity. And what better time to showcase such an account than right after Cubbies faithful lost their sh*t yesterday as the Tony Campana trade news broke. That’s right, Cubs fans are outraged that Tony “Hey, At Least He Runs Fast” Campana was traded.

Thank God for social media.

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