Former Major Leaguer Fernando Tatis is quietly one of the best follows on Twitter. While a lot of baseball writers and fans in general – perhaps 2,797 of them – are familiar with his quirky Twitter habits, like his harmless trash-talking at Chan Ho Park that some people took a little too seriously, many people are missing out on Fernando’s new career as an MS Paint artist. Eat your heart out, Danger Guerrero.

As I’d seen his incredible work before, Fernando’s art was nothing new to me, but I was reminded of the combination of his exceptional talent and kind-hearted nature yesterday, when he had this pleasant exchange with a fan…

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According to something known as the “news”, Kenneth Bae is a 44-year old Korean-American who was arrested in North Korea and sentenced to 15 years of hard labor for “hostile acts” against the country. Of course, nobody but Kim Jong-Un and his super happy government officials know what those hostile acts consisted of, as Bae was in the country with some Chinese businessmen. Needless to say, Americans are very concerned for Bae’s well-being, and many people are hoping that someone like Bill Clinton or Jimmy Carter can work some magic like they have in the past.

Alas, North Korea officials have stated that they would not allow Bae to become a political bargaining chip as other prisoners of the state have been in the past. Fortunately, the U.S. has a secret weapon that may help in this case. No, it’s not one of thousands of missiles that could smear Kim Jong-Un’s ass from Onsong to Haeju. This weapon is smarter, stronger, faster and sometimes dressed like a woman. It’s Dennis Rodman.

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"I'm not naked! I TRICKED YOU into thinking I was! Point, Solo."

Back in 2011, Hope Solo was the greatest. She was helping sell women’s soccer to America and posing nude in ESPN The Magazine with a garden hose, simultaneously taking the world by storm as both sports hero and sex symbol. She was an awesome combination of talent and gigantic beauty, and it was fun to write about her on the Internet.

After that, things started to get … complicated. She went on ‘Dancing With The Stars,’ but ultimately claimed the show was rigged and that her partner had physically abused her. She married NFL tight end Jerramy Stevens, a guy previously convicted with assault and accused of rape, immediately after he’d been taken in for assaulting her. She also sorta ratted out everyone in the Olympics.

In 2013, Hope continues her slow descent into being the soccer Amanda Bynes by (accidentally?) tweeting her phone number, then using it as an excuse to tell us we are stupid.

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Earlier today, FIFA president Sepp Blatter started to get a little … weird on Twitter. His tweets went from “my thoughts are with the Dominica coach who died in a car accident” to I AM STEALING MONEY GO F**K YOURSELF QATAR pretty quickly, and shortly thereafter @FIFAWorldCup began tweeting about how FIFA executives had “held a meeting regarding the decision to host the 2022 World Cup in Qatar” and that Blatter would “step down due to corruption charges.” That was followed by increasingly suspicious tweets as the next hour rolled on, but soccer guys are basically the weirdest people in sports, so we weren’t really sure if this was his account being hacked or Sepp settling into some weird scandal and/or mental fit.

Here’s a look at those tweets:

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Pittsburgh’s 96.1 KISS FM Morning Freak Show, hosted by Mikey and Big Bob, responded to a Twitter rumor yesterday that Pittsburgh Penguins star Sidney Crosby is dating country-turned-pop star Taylor Swift. Normally, I’d be like, “Stupid morning radio bros startin’ poop with awful photoshops” but not this time, because this rumor totally seems like it could be true.

For example, Swift is playing at the Amway Center tonight in my beloved Bethlehem of the meth belt, Orlando, and I wouldn’t even flinch if someone walked up to me in a strip club and said, “Hey I heard Sidney Crosby’s in town because Taylor Swift is playing a show tonight” because she has a different boyfriend every week. In fact, I’m shocked that she hasn’t dated Crosby yet. Hell, any pro athlete for that matter.

So because it’s eventually going to happen, and Swift will break up with whichever athlete she gets her talons on (please be Tebow, please be Tebow…) and then she’ll write an entire album about him, I took the liberty of writing her first hit single off that album.

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Phil Jackson joined twitter with a bang, when he Tweeted a bunch of jibberish about his 11 rings and most people were like, “This is going to be a joke about how it’s hard to type with 11 rings on” and sure enough, those people were right. But the joke was clever enough, and the Zen Master has gone on to Tweeting whatever he feels like, including this fun nugget from last night:

And everybody was all, “ZOMG Phil Jackson is calling out some dude named Mo! Is it Mo Cheeks? Moe Harkless? Mo Vaughn? Moe Howard?” and I was like, “Nah, it’s mo-mentum” and then I high-fived my dog. But let’s just say for sh*ts and giggles that Jackson was calling out someone named Mo for being a bitch. I’d have to side with Twitter user “WOO!” on this one:

11 championships you can say whatever the fuck you want huh bruh? My dawg.

And then Jackson was all, “What up, boo?” with Jeanie Buss, who may have my favorite profile pic on all of Twitter.

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