Now that we’re in the summer’s sports lull – albeit a shortened lull, thanks to the Summer Olympics – people need to find whatever they can to complain about. For instance, I just started work on my first book, “Call Me Tired: One Man’s Plea To End Carly Rae Jepsen Parodies”, due out in paperback by September 2019. But it appears that the rest of the Internet is focusing its rage on Nike for the above t-shirt that it released for women, as a way to celebrate how awesome America’s female athletes were at the Olympics.

In case you missed the emasculating statistic, American women accounted for 58 of the country’s 104 overall medals and 29 of the 46 overall gold medals. Hence, gold digging. However, thanks to our society’s warming embrace of old, wealthy men marrying young, attractive women, this shirt is apparently a negative thing. Gee, I hope ABC News’ source of anger is well-qualified…

“Sort of undermines the strong woman image Nike has spent $$ to market,” said one Twitter user.

Coming tomorrow: My YouTube commenter breakdown of Nike’s “Gold Digging” commercial. (I really wish that existed.)

“Whoever thought a Nike t’shirt emblazoned with ‘GOLD DIGGING’ was a fitting tribute to female Olympians shuld be fired,” said another.

Why? Are all of the U.S. women’s athletes sleeping with billionaires and going on lavish shopping sprees before re-boarding their private helicopters and flying back to their yachts in St. Tropez? Because if they’re not, I think it’s a pretty clever play on words. But what the hell do I know?

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Rob Lowe has broken the news that Peyton Manning will not return to the NFL. Yes, Peyton Manning is retiring. Yes, Rob Lowe broke the story. Chris Traeger from ‘Parks and Recreation’. Sodapop from The Outsiders. The guy who pioneered sex tapes and sit-humped Demi Moore in a bathtub in 1986. God only knows if it’ll turn out to be true, but here you go, straight from his herb belt:

If it turns out to be true, it will be the NFL’s biggest story of the year, broken in the most ridiculous way by the most random person in history on a day when 80% of the Internet is blacked out and taking off. Colts fans should refrain from throwing themselves from bridges and just sorta be happy they lost that week 17 game to the Jaguars. Andy Dwyer should start getting really excited. I don’t know, how are you supposed to react to Rob Lowe destroying the sports world with an inside scoop?

Well, you could do this:

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Arizona Cardinals defensive tackle Darnell Dockett is a Renaissance Man. In the last week and a half he’s live-blogged a run-in with the police and purchased an alligator as a response to almost being bitten by one. Now, the only man to date to use wealth and social media properly is live-blogging his own response to the Casey Anthony trial, a trial America has been forced to follow in detail whether they want to or not thanks to the bumrush of television and online coverage. Seriously, it’s everywhere. I opened up my copy of Great Expectations and found an illustrated chart of Casey’s imaginary friends folded up and crammed inside.

So begins part two of our Darnell Dockett @Storytime series. A couple of warnings: this is reproduced from Dockett’s Twitter, so beware some foul language and adult situations even if the heavier stuff is edited. Also, there is a picture of Dockett’s son in some extremely small pajamas. And he’s trying to go to sleep in them! But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Please enjoy a recap of (and a shared emotional response to) the Casey Anthony trial courtesy of a guy who owns an alligator and knows Kim Kardashian.

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Urban Meyer’s foxy volleyball daughter Nicki has lashed out at her own smart phone over talk that her famous father is headed to Columbus take over as head football coach at Ohio State. Nicki, who is pretty famous for platonically hugging Tim Tebow all the time, posted the following message on her Twitter.

That’s what I’m tlking abt. Rumors and conspiracy theories have been running rampant all month, and college football commentator and flatulence-free food advocate Beano Cook exasperated the speculation with a prediction of the move during an interview on ESPN radio on Thursday. Neon Deion Sanders, who is in that header picture for some reason, could not be reached for comment.

For more information about Nicki Meyer, you can check out her Twitter, her Georgia Tech volleyball bio, or you can just turn around and talk to Chris Hansen, who is standing like four feet behind you.

It seems every couple of weeks or so, there’s some popular personally that finally makes his or her way onto Twitter. TV stars Charlie Sheen and Conan O’Brien opened their respective accounts to much fanfare, but only a fraction of that enthusiasm for the Twitter debut of the ecumenical horse’s ass that is Michael Ray Wilbon.

Wilbon, who co-hosts ESPN’s “Pardon The Interruption,” has seen his popularity explode since jumping from The Washington Post to TV in 2001. Every original show that ESPN has done since then seems to parrot “PTI” in some way, where old gasbags from the newspaper world exchange uninformed opinions on current events in sports. Wilbon had been critical of and expressed reluctance in joining the world of 140 characters in the past, but the pressure to keep up with those already onboard was apparently too much for him to bear.

“Okay, I’ve resisted joining the Twitter revolution…but peer pressure made me do it…so here goes, be careful what you ask for!”

Some people will say, “Yeah, he shouldn’t have been so critical before, but it’s nice to finally have him on board.” I couldn’t agree less. This is just another example of Wilbon backtracking after talking out of his ass about something he never took time to understand. But Josh, you don’t understand he’s paid to have opinions. No, he’s paid to deliver informed opinions, which he seems to have no interest in creating, whether it’s about Sean Taylor or Stan Van Gundy or inciting brown-on-white violence toward Pete Carroll. Wilbon must have one of the greatest BlackBerrys ever if he’s able to thumb off tweets with his nose buried in Charles Barkley’s ass.

Washington Nationals right-hander Stephen Strasburg could pitch in 2011, or so says the Twitter of Meridiano Television’s Ivan Arteaga.  Strasburg was put on the shelf in August 2010 when one pitch magically transformed him from the most hyped and closely watched pitching prospect in the history of baseball into the red team’s Mark Prior.  He underwent Tommy John surgery shortly thereafter and was expected to miss the entirety of this season, but the Spanish tweet says otherwise.

Strasburg is regaining arm strength and is throwing from 90 feet on flat ground, but the Nationals’ desperation to rush him and Bryce Harper into starring roles whether they’re ready or not seems like it’s leading to worse things than good.  92 strikeouts in 68 innings, but you eventually want him to break 70, right?  So don’t Dusty Baker him here.  Let his arm heal, and he’ll be ready to be Strasburg again right around the time Harper’s spent two and a half seasons roping line drives into the first baseman’s glove and has turned into a real baseball player.  You guys aren’t the Phils with or without Strasburg, you know?  2011 is not your last season.

I tried to find out more on the Meridiano Television Twitter, but I’m pretty sure they’re just copying and pasting scripts from Destinos.

@ivanarteaga Don Fernando tiene dos hijos.

Does “abogada” mean “baseball player?”  Because if it does, Raquel Rodriguez is a baseball player in Los Angeles.