One of the strangers encounters that I’ve ever had with a sh*t-talking sports fan came after the Miami Heat defeated the Orlando Magic last season, and a gentleman in a Cleveland Cavaliers LeBron James jersey and Heat hat was shouting to the Amway Center crowd, “That’s how he do it! That’s how he do it!” And I didn’t need to ask him why he was wearing one team’s jersey and another’s hat, because as I have become a big NBA fan in recent years, I have ultimately learned that, unlike other professional sports leagues, the NBA is a place where fans hitching their trailers to the superstars instead of teams happens.

And yesterday, as if it was the plot of a new Alien movie written and directed by social media managers, we watched the fanboy monsters and the equally terrifying outraged Twitter activists mate and give birth to a brand new breed of worthless, misdirected Internet fury. All because LeBron James wasn’t unanimously voted the NBA’s MVP for the 2012-13 season.

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Phil Jackson joined twitter with a bang, when he Tweeted a bunch of jibberish about his 11 rings and most people were like, “This is going to be a joke about how it’s hard to type with 11 rings on” and sure enough, those people were right. But the joke was clever enough, and the Zen Master has gone on to Tweeting whatever he feels like, including this fun nugget from last night:

And everybody was all, “ZOMG Phil Jackson is calling out some dude named Mo! Is it Mo Cheeks? Moe Harkless? Mo Vaughn? Moe Howard?” and I was like, “Nah, it’s mo-mentum” and then I high-fived my dog. But let’s just say for sh*ts and giggles that Jackson was calling out someone named Mo for being a bitch. I’d have to side with Twitter user “WOO!” on this one:

11 championships you can say whatever the fuck you want huh bruh? My dawg.

And then Jackson was all, “What up, boo?” with Jeanie Buss, who may have my favorite profile pic on all of Twitter.

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"My new seats are over there."

Sure, Lil’ Wayne is one of the most prolific rappers of all time, but his days off almost exclusively involve the following:

1. Go to an NBA game, try to sit in the front row whether he has a ticket or not
2. Wear something unusual with way too many diamonds on it, because YOLO or whatever
3. Change team allegiances on the fly based on whoever’s popular or winning
4. Do something stupid to draw negative attention to himself
5. Get asked to move/leave/be quiet
6. Go home and complain about it on Twitter
7. Have enough of his 10 million Twitter followers favorite or retweet the complaint that it becomes national news, and people have to start apologizing.

In the spirit of Wayne’s most recent day off:

You’ve got to love that over 6,000 people’s favorite tweet is the one where Lil’ Wayne left a basketball game in a huff and censored the F-word with wacky symbols.

Wayne’s Tweet didn’t include the full story, which … uh, also comes to us via Twitter:

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Like most people, when news broke that the New Orleans Hornets were changing their name to the Pelicans, I was all like, “Pelicans? That’s a stupid mascot,” as I hid my Magic gear from plain sight. But thankfully I follow some diehard New Orleansonians on the Tweeters, including our good friend Chris Trew, and I now believe that with the bird’s actual legacy to the city combined with how amazingly nasty they are in nature, the Pelican is a phenomenal choice for a mascot.

However, some people are still making snap judgments based on ignorance, chief among them former Hornets guard, all-around good person and graduate of the LeBron James Institute of Get Me the F*ck Out of Here, Chris Paul.

Pelicans??? #ImNotRollin

— Chris Paul (@CP3) January 24, 2013

Don’t bother going to check the responses to that Tweet, because I can sum them all up for you with this sentence: “Gooooooooooooooooooo f*ck yourself.”

Local news anchor Scott “Not That Governor Dick” Walker perhaps shared the loudest sentiment with the athlete who famously forced his way out of New Orleans by reminding him that nobody in that delightful party town really cares what Paul thinks. And then Walker was reminded that Twitter is an awful place full of awful people and it really needs an IQ requirement.

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"Hello God, are you there? It's me, Santonio."

New York Jets wide receiver Santonio Holmes likes to talk. A lot. And sometimes when he speaks, he says something that is either less-than-smart or can be misconstrued and manipulated into something stupid. So it shouldn’t surprise anyone that Holmes gave the sports media more firepower than it already needed when he told NFL.com that the New York media needs to be nicer to his Jets if they want to be a part of the team.

You know, because that’s how the media works. Especially in New York.

“That’s what sells in the New York media is how much negative attention we can bring to these players and just keep running with it. When things aren’t going good it makes our ratings go up,” Holmes said.

“But it doesn’t help our team. If you guys — and this is for the New York media — if you guys want to be a part of our team and feel so important, be there to support us. Not to try to break us down.” (Via CBS Sports)

See, here’s where I should join the bandwagon and pile on Holmes, because the media should never ever act as blatant PR for sports teams, and I know this because I live in a small sports market dominated by one newspaper that local fans believe routinely sh*ts all over our only sports teams.

HOWEVER, have you guys seen the state of sports media these days? Just take a look at the new Twitter-du-jour @BIGSPORTSWRITER and his/her takedown of New York Knicks beat writer Frank Isola, who became James Dolan’s Metatron in the wake of the team’s decision to let Jeremy Lin walk. Sports journalism careers are very hard to build these days unless you’ve got Maverick Carter on speed dial or you just like to scream, “SOURCES!” while you throw sh*t at a wall and pray something sticks.

We can make fun of crybaby Holmes all we want, but I guarantee you that a few enterprising writers out there just started writing some very flattering articles about the Jets.

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That battered face above belongs to 26-year old professional poker player Sam Trickett, who claims on his Twitter account to be the most winning poker player in the history of Great Britain and Ireland. While that certainly seems to be a pretty bold statement, it helps that just three days ago he pocketed $10,112,001 for finishing second in the Big One for One Drop at the World Series of Poker. I assume that it must be pretty awesome to win $10 million by playing cards.

However, I also assume it is not awesome to get beat up by six men at one time. That’s the story that Trickett Tweeted just hours after he’d gone out to make his “organs hurt” in celebration.

According to Poker News Daily, this was apparently a random attack, as the men may have been disrespecting Trickett’s girlfriend, Natasha Sandhu. What kind of disrespecting might they have been doing? Well, I think they might have been hitting on her, because she’s kind of slightly attractive…

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