For some reason along the lines of “F*ck it, I was bored”, I was checking out celebrity birthdays yesterday and I noticed a strange coincidence about celebrity birthdays for today, December 18. Celebrating birthdays today are “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, Rob Van Dam and Trish Stratus. They, of course, all share one main thing in common – those aren’t their real names. Oh, and I’ve also been told that they’re each professional wrestlers who had notable stints in the WWE. I’m still waiting on our fact-checking team to get back to me on that one.

Austin (Steven Anderson) turns 48 today and has since gone on to make forgettable films that I otherwise love, like the hilariously watchable The Condemned, and Knockout, in which Austin plays a janitor who – and I cannot make this up – mentors a bullied teen to fight back against the school’s boxing champion. Rob Van Dam (Robert Szatkowski) turns 42 today, and he also tried his hand at awful action films like Wrong Side of Town and Black Mask 2, but wisely returned to TNA, where he is currently the X Division champion.

As much as I have appreciated the wrasslin’ efforts of those gentlemen over the years, they’re just not as inspiring as Stratus (Patricia Stratigias) when it comes to putting together a little tribute like this one. I can’t really put my finger on it, but Stratus just has that certain something that makes it easier to concentrate. She was really good at what she did in the WWE, I think is the point that I’m trying to make, and some people have told me that she’s also attractive.

Again, the fact-checkers are hard at work on that one for me, too. In the meantime, please enjoy our tribute to the First Lady of Stratusfaction on her 37th birthday.

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… somebody just told me it’s Tuesday afternoon, so that means we’re live on With Leather for the Best and Worst of Monday Night Raw! Unfortunately we still have to decide who will win Tough Enough, so let’s just sort of stand here ad-libbing and looking at them for several minutes. Your name’s Luke, right? Like in the Bible? Good ol’ BIBLE LUKE, ladies and gemen! Do you have what it takes to be a WWE Superstar? Yeah, you KNOW you’re the best! Each and every one of them have never seen someone like you, you know you’re going straight to the top. Sorry! You lost. We’re giving it to the guy with long hair.

His hair is long, Luke, what was I supposed to do?

R.I.P. Good Ol’ Bible Luke, 2011-2011

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Here’s a little something from the vault to send you on your way this Thanksgiving: Stacy Keibler versus Trish Stratus for the WWE ladyweight championship some years ago, which was apparently decided in a large tub of gravy. Oh hey, but first, they should sit down to this large feast carefully laid out next to the ring. No chance of that becoming a food fight. No sirree.

I’ve never found pro wrestling remotely entertaining, but this manages to do it for me, despite the egregious waste of mashed potatoes.  Still, I would have liked to hear the announcer say, “Watch out!  She’s got a turkey baster!”

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