ESPN Made A Music Issue So Ryan Lochte Could Ruin Nirvana’s ‘Nevermind’

Written by Ashley Burns / 02.06.13

As news leaked yesterday that ESPN had produced a music issue of the network’s magazine that will hit stands on Friday, the spectrum of reaction ran from “Oh God why?” to “Wait, music, huh?” And while I would totally be on board with ESPN the Magazine publishing an issue dedicated to professional athletes who have acted like musicians and vice versa, this is instead just an exercise in athletes dressing up to look like popular musicians. I know, I don’t really understand it either.

Included in the issue, which features LeBron James on the cover with Dr. Dre, is an interview with Jimmy Iovine, the man behind the Beats by Dre headphones. He claims that LeBron James is a better athlete now than he was four years ago because of those headphones. Seriously. Additionally, there’s also a feature on Seattle’s new superstar emcee, Macklemore, who our own Josh Kurp wrote about yesterday.

But the real fun is had with the athletes, and it starts with Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte recreating Nirvana’s “Nevermind” album cover.

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Things Are Looking Up In Cleveland!

Written by Brandon Stroud / 08.09.12

Trent Richardson Cleveland Browns hurt

If you’re a fan of the Cleveland Browns (cough), you were probably happy when the team traded up in April to select Trent Richardson, the University of Alabama running back who led the team to a national championship and kinda looks like Robert Griffin III had a man-baby with Benedict Cumberbatch.

If you’ve been a fan of the Browns for more than seven months, you started waiting for the other foot to drop, citing LITERALLY EVERY OTHER DRAFT EVER as an example of Cleveland’s terrible, terrible luck. You remember Courtney Brown’s leg, William Green’s back wounds, Kellen Winslow’s motorcycle and Phil Taylor’s pec. You remember everything about Tim Couch other than Heather Kozar.

Anyway, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you don’t have to wait very long for that other foot. The bad news is … well, you’re a Browns fan, you’ll figure it out.

The team issued a one-sentence statement Wednesday saying that the running back, picked No. 3 overall in April’s draft, will see a specialist on Thursday.

The statement says: “Trent Richardson is traveling to Pensacola, Fla., where he will have his left knee further evaluated by Dr. James Andrews tomorrow.” (via ESPN)

Or, “ESPN issued a two-sentence statement on Thursday recapping Wednesday’s announcement that Trent Richardson’s knee doesn’t work and you’re shit out of luck”.

So what do you think? Is this a temporary setback for a man with a bright NFL future, or another example of Cleveland being one of two U.S. cities built over a Hellmouth? More importantly, will he ever be able to break a dude’s ankles like this again?

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Everyone But Les Miles Was Aware That There Was A BCS Championship Game Last Night

Written by Ashley Burns / 01.10.12

When the final BCS rankings came out and revealed which two teams would be playing for the BCS Championship, a good majority of us responded with a collective, “Aw come on, not them again!” When LSU and Alabama played on Nov. 5, we witnessed a 9-6 overtime festival of snores. Last night, when they met again in the BCS Championship game… well, at least one of them scored a touchdown this time.

Make no mistake, Alabama put on a heck of a show, dismantling the nation’s top team to the tune of 21-0. I remember hearing one of the commentators say that this was the first time that the No. 1-ranked team had ever been blanked in a championship game, but I was also busy trying to convince the bartender to put on a hockey game so we could watch something more exciting.

I’ll give LSU coach Les Miles some credit, though. It is pretty ballsy to play in a National Championship game without a quarterback while running a sorority flag football offense. I’m sure Nick Saban appreciated it, too.

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You Shouldn’t Have Waited To Click These Morning Links

Written by Brandon Stroud / 10.18.11

Links

UPROXX Presents: The Best Of 5-Second Films, Part 2 - For the other five people in the world who think “Father and Son” is hilarious. Some of these look legitimately better than any movie released in theaters since like, March. [UPROXX]

25 Ray Guns, Blasters and Phasers Inspired by the Sci-Fi of Yesteryear - Zzzzzap. Zzzzzzap. [Gamma Squad]

The Best Costumes, Celebrities, and Pointless Merchandise from New York Comic Con - Hopefully Matt will let me do a Wizard World Austin version of this. Also, I hope I can save up enough money between now and November to pay for one entrance ticket to Wizard World Austin. [Warming Glow]

scarlet-johansson-black-corsetGoogle Will Kill Google Buzz, Google Music Store Reportedly Launching - Google should buy AOL, sell it to Yahoo, then buy Yahoo and sell it to Alta Vista. Then buy Webcrawler and Ask Jeeves and merge them into AssCrawler. [Smoking Section]

Fincher Says ScarJo’s Boobs Were Too Big For Dragon Tattoo, Basically - Beside, they already filmed her version of this, it’s called The Perfect Score and it’s awesome. [Film Drunk]

Trent Richardson Now Owns Senquez Golson’s Ankles - Just … ridiculously sick. Ridiculously sick. [Smoking Section]

Hot Chicks of Occupy Wall Street - No, Internet. Bad Internet, bad. [Buzzfeed]

‘The Three Musketeers 3D’ Was a Joke on ‘The Simpsons’ Twelve Years Ago - Not really. Moviefone is stretching here, but the clip is funny, and the Zorro rap song is one of my most solid in-theater references. [Moviefone]

Venture Bros.’ 9 Most Musical Moments - ATTN: Venture Bros. guys, Re: you are not Trey Parker, please stop making music for no reason and animated your funny television show. [Adult Swim]

The 10 Most Profitable 80′s Remakes - Future #1: My gritty, cyber-noir remake of Amazing Grace And Chuck. [Pajiba]

Obsessed Apple Fan Gets Steve Jobs Haircut - Average Person, if you’re reading this, your planned-for-Halloween zombie Steve Jobs costume is not a funny or clever idea. [Brobible]

A Steampunk Disney Princess Fashion Show - How did this start, honestly? Who was the first nerd to say “Doctor Who is cool, but he’d be cooler if his scarf had pipes”? [Unreality]

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