Nothing that follows “Taiwanese Animation explained the ownership woes of the Los Angeles Dodgers by” should be surprising, but damn if after seeing Tim Tebow stab a dolphin, Yao Ming hatch from a basketball and Manny Ramirez kick dirt on his wife I wasn’t still surprised when Bud Selig showed out of nowhere on trapeze wires and lopped off Frank McCourt’s hand with butcher knife. He should start grappling down behind people and threatening them at knife-point like that in real life. Oh, you want a salary cap? /waggles machete

After the image of McCourt’s blood-gushing stump, the best (and possibly worst) moment in the video is the Los Angeles Dodgers being referred to as “damaged goods” and depicted as a transvestite hooker who may or may not be Hong-Chih Kuo in short-shorts. At some point you’d think embed-hoarding, expressed-written-consent Major League Baseball would find one of these and send Taiwan a “stop depicting our baseball teams as whores” letter.

A Texas League baseball game between the Frisco RoughRiders and the San Antonio Missions erupted into a full-on WWF hardcore match from 2000 on Tuesday when fans started throwing water bottles at the players, and RoughRider Engel Beltre responded by beaning them with a trash can. No, seriously. From the San Antonio Express-News:

The incident came soon after a controversial call in the ninth inning when umpires overturned a potential three-run, go-ahead homer by Frisco’s Michael Bianucci, instead ruling it was an RBI ground-rule double.

RoughRiders manager Steve Buechele was ejected for arguing the call. The next Frisco batter struck out for the final out of the game.

San Antonio Missions president Burl Yarbrough was nearby when the melee broke out.

“I was standing there, and all of a sudden, a trash can came flying out of the dugout,” he told the San Antonio Express-News in a story on the newspaper’s website. “I’ve been here 24 years, and I’ve never seen anything like this.”

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Back in 2008, Chicago Cubs fans and brothers Jaroslaw and Boguslaw Czapla were trying to host a fun birthday party for Jaroslaw’s two-year old kid, when a no-good Chicago White Sox fan tried telling them that the South Side was the home of the Windy City’s best baseball. Well the Czapla brothers found that to be czimply preposterous, so they corrected Robert Steele in front of everyone – by beating the sh*t out of him.

According to the Daily Herald, the Czaplas and a third man, Maciej Trojnar, knocked Steele to the ground and kicked him in the head until he lost an eye and they fractured his orbital bone. But don’t worry about the kids because they just thought he was a pinata. On Tuesday, Boguslaw received a three-year prison sentence for aggravated assault and mob action, while Jaroslaw received a six-month sentence for mob action last year. Meanwhile, Trojnar is still at large and presumed dangerous, because the Cubs are terrible.

As for Steele, his whole life has suffered as a result of losing his eye…

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There are any number of recent examples of mindless bits of violence between fanbases, but San Francisco Giants fans have enough animosity to take on their own. And take them out, for good, in one punch, as SportsbyBrooks recaps.

Giraudo and his friends were leaving a game between the Giants and the Philadelphia Phillies about 9:45 p.m. Friday when Giraudo got into an argument with a group of Carlmont High students beyond the gates in center field, according to police and Giraudo's relatives and friends.

Acquaintances said Giraudo, a first-year student and baseball pitcher at Cañada College in Redwood City, had been sticking up for a female friend who was being harassed by one of Buckley's friends. Buckley punched Giraudo once, knocking him to the ground, police said.

Who hit this guy? Brad Pitt's character from Snatch? Actually, the guy hit his head on the concrete and died later at the hospital. This is why if you have to scrap next to AT&T Park, stick near the water. A well-executed uppercut sends a person falling headlong into the Bay and not concrete. Also, the splash would also be pretty big. And what's better than a fight that ends with a big splash? Oh, right, one that ends with a death.