Somebody sent this to me yesterday; I always thought riding a bike and going really fast was easy. And then I saw this guy just ride over the edge of a cliff, and I thought, “Wow, maybe this cycling thing is tougher than I would have expected.” I’m guessing he just saw a graham cracker on the edge of that barricade and wanted to make a play for it. It’s so much harder to squeeze the brakes on a bike when facing temptation from such delicious cinnamon-y treats.

Before the latest Tour de France started last week, Lance Armstrong was saying all the right things in relation to his new team, Astana. Sure, Lance would play a support role for team leader Alberto Contador. Sure, Lance wouldn’t try and upset the hierarchy of the team format which is the status quo for all Tour competitors. Yeah…about that…

“I am not ok with that theory saying there can be only one team leader,” said Armstrong.

“I have won seven Tours de France, I will have to be counted in.”

Armstrong’s remarks come after his amazing push in stage 3 yesterday that saw him move within 40 seconds of the overall lead, 19 seconds in front of would-be leader Contador. Team Astana, to their credit, is downplaying the feat.

Astana sports director Alain Gallopin said there would not be any problems within the team even though Armstrong has somehow upset the hierarchy. “There are no troubles at all in our team, it’s even the contrary,” he said.

Contador said what happened on Monday was unlikely to change his fate. “I do want to comment on the tactics of the team,” he said. “Everyone can draw their own conclusions. Anyway, the Tour will not be decided with what has happened today. It’s just a race incident.”

That’s a relief, because the last thing I need is to start caring about cycling again. It’s like NASCAR without the…beer? I don’t care much about people on bikes unless they’re wearing conical straw hats and pajamas, if you know what I mean. But, seriously, Lance. You’ve got a lot of ball pulling stuff like that so early in the race.

France’s anti-doping agency is at it again with Lance Armstrong, better known as The Only Reason America Pretends To Care About Cycling. Armstrong is now under fire for not respecting, uh, “the obligation to remain under the direct and permanent observation” of a doctor assigned to him on the day of a substance test. Creeeeeepy:

At question is a 20-minute delay when Armstrong says the tester agreed to let him shower while the American rider’s assistants checked the tester’s credentials. AFLD said cycling’s governing body has given its permission to open disciplinary procedures against Armstrong, but did not say what the punishment could be.

AFLD president Pierre Bordry noted that the statement does not say that Armstrong is guilty of an infraction. AFLD is expected to make a decision on whether to proceed with sanctions after its nine-member ruling committee has considered the tester’s report.

I have no idea whether or not Armstrong is dirty, but I respect the “game within the game” that PED testing has become over the past 20 years. If you don’t get caught, that’s as good as not having done it for me, since all these other clowns are out there shooting each other in the ass with who-knows what. Just because The White Barry Bonds doesn’t shave his legs and take part in their spandex circle-jerk doesn’t ruin his standing in a sport where he’s the only reason I even care. Besides, anything that annoys the French is automatically awesome.

|Y? Sports|

THE SPORTING BLOG is reporting that Armstrong still plans to race in the Giro d’Italia in about a month, even though his collarbone may not be healed by then. Like I said, it was a ridiculous theory.

When we last left Lance Armstrong, he had just been solicited for a hair sample–much to his surprise–by the French anti-doping agency. Such a reaction from the seven-time Tour de France seems curious, especially with the big race only months away. If only there was a way to heroically back out of the race without dealing with the scrutiny of being disqualified. From the DashBot at Deadspin:

Armstrong got caught up in a scrum about 12.5 miles from the finish of the first stage of the “Vuelta of Castilla and Leon” near Baltanas, Spain, yesterday. As the road narrowed, a couple of cyclists in the lead pack crashed, taking Armstrong down with them, breaking his right collarbone and possibly aborting his cycling comeback before it ever really got started. (And the same week Matt Lauer hits a deer on his bike? Spooky.) But why am I telling you this, when 140 characters could do the job just as well?

Look, I admit that I don’t know how these KGB-style doping agencies work, and frankly I don’t think you could swing a baguette in downtown Paris without swiping someone that wouldn’t leak a positive Lance Armstrong test. So I don’t really know if Armstrong missing the race would keep his name clear, not that such a thing ever did Barry Bonds any good. And the theory would be almost too ridiculous to mention, had Nick Tarnowski of On The DL not said nearly the exact same thing this morning. I guess great, paranoid, sleep-deprived minds think alike.

Three weeks of people riding bicycles came to an end yesterday, as the Tour de France's riders rolled down the Champs-Élysées like Wehrmacht Panzers.  Spaniard Carlos Sastre of Team CSC won the sport's marquee event, while Aussie Cadel Evans placed second, followed by Austrian Bernard Kohl.

The biggest story of the 2008 Tour, however, was the crackdown on testing for blood-doping and other performance enhancers.  Yes, it's possible to think of this race as "marred" by the four positive tests that have been revealed thus far, but the circumspect fan will realize that this is a necessary growing pain for the sport to regain its fans' trust.

Nah just kidding.  I'm not even sure cycling fans exist.  Like, I've heard about them, but I've never seen one.  So they're kinda like the tooth fairy, or a Tyrannosaurus Rex, or a stripper who gives free lap dances.

There are no Tour de France stories unless there are suspicion-of-doping Tour de France stories. It's the only way to get exposure in this part of the world for cycling. So you have to wonder why one of those biking-type people would strive so hard to flee drug testers.

Riccardo Ricco tried to flee from anti-doping officials who were escorting him after the fourth stage of the Tour de France, which the Italian rider tested positive for the banned blood-booster EPO.

Pierre Bordry, the head of the French Anti-Doping Agency (AFLD) that tested Ricco, explained how the Saunier Duval leader avoided an anti-doping chaperon after the time trial on July 8.

"When he knew he was going to be tested, he went off, and it is the escort who caught him up," Bordry said Tuesday. "He found himself blocked off. There was a traffic jam of cars and he could not get through the cars."

With all that extra blood in the brain you'd think he could come up with a way to duck a couple Frenchmen. The natural Italian response is to a threat to flop and feign great injury, which most likely doesn't enhance the chances of escape. That and the French are the masters of retreat. There's no way you can flee from them that they have not attempted in fear of another. Foolish Italian pigdog!