Great Moments In Spring Break History: Nobody Messes With Tyler Roosevelt

Written by Ashley Burns / 03.28.13

This week’s one-man celebration of the greatest Spring Break moments takes us, fittingly, to Ft. Myers Beach, where people have been partying all this week in honor of the Florida Gulf Coast University Eagles. But this delightful moment takes us back to 2010, before FGCU was on the national radar and Ft. Myers Beach was just a place where angry white kids went to vent their frustrations.

Studying for med school was taking its toll on Tyler Roosevelt, so much that his roommate and best friend, Chipper Longbottom, was dying for Spring Break to arrive so they could leave Princeton for a few days and get a little R&R in down in the sun and sand of the quiet hamlet known as Ft. Myers Beach. Chipper, that nefarious prankster, hadn’t filled Tyler in on his Spring Break roadtrip plan as of yet, but soon enough they’d be doing what the state college kids referred to as “partaying”.

When Tyler returned from class that day, Chipper had left a present for him on his bed. “Whatever could this be,” Tyler thought to himself, examining the small-but-long package with the glittery bow. Carefully removing the wrapping paper, Tyler discovered that it was a bottle of spray suntan lotion. “Chipper, you scamp,” Tyler shouted across their dormitory residence, “what have you gotten us into?” Chipper just smiled, dangling the keys to his BMW X5 from his pointer finger, before finally shouting, “ROAD TRIP!”

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Does Anyone Really Win When Kris Humphries And Rajon Rondo Fight? Yes. Everyone.

Written by Ashley Burns / 11.29.12

Funny how just yesterday I was complaining that I needed something to jumpstart my NBA excitement, and then one of the greatest imaginable fights breaks out between two guys who couldn’t be more disliked. In one corner, wearing flat black and silver with an open mouth and confused face, Brooklyn Nets forward Kris Humphries was last year’s most hated player in the NBA, according to fans. In the other corner, wearing green and the ugliest scowl this side of Rosie O’Donnell, Boston Celtics guard Rajon Rondo is universally loathed in every city not spelled B-O-S-T-O-N. And last night, they GOT. IT. ONNNNNNNNN!

The action took place in the second quarter, when Kevin Garnett, guarded by Humphries, took an off-balance shot and ended up on the floor. Rondo didn’t like that very much, so he reacted like an adult and shoved Humphries into the first row of courtside seats. Then, as any mature professional athlete would do, Rondo started scratching and clawing at Humphries while their teammates tried to break it up. Oh, and the Nets won 95-83. That should probably be mentioned.

Go make some popcorn and check out the video after the jump. All it’s missing is Brittney Palmer.

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