Last week, a Jalopnik reader posed a challenge to the automobile-enthusiast site, as he wanted someone to design a custom car per his four-year old son Eli’s instructions. Specifically, Eli wanted his new super car to include:

• It’s a BMW
• 42 wheels, and of course 42-wheel drive
• It is powered by 19 Porsche engines, each producing 459 horsepower. I think they will need to be water-cooled turbocharged boxer 6s. This was entirely his own idea, but I commended his choice of using boxer engines for a multi-engine setup since they will stack so well.
• The engines are all linked to a single transmission. He didn’t specify, but I think viscous couplings for the inputs would probably be a good idea.
• Power output is subdivided to all those wheels via a series of limited-slip differentials
• There are seats and three steering wheels, and all three can drive the car at the same time.
• The trunk is full of toys and you can play in it

To recap, that’s a BMW automobile with a Porsche engine, 42 wheels and a trunk full of toys. Sign me the f*ck up.

So as Jalopnik’s faithful readers started posting their designs in the comments of that article, someone at BMW apparently took notice and decided to take care of Eli’s wish himself. And as you can see above, Eli’s new supercar has been brought to life.

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Yeah, getcha some.

As with any Super Bowl, my favorite Monday pastime is reading everyone’s analysis of what they loved and hated, but with much more enthusiasm for the latter. My reason for this is that I simply like to turn my brain off and relax a little, because by the time the biggest game of the year has finally wrapped up, I need a little breather. Basically, I agree with Arian Foster that today should be Labor Day. That said, the leader in my clubhouse for best post-Super Bowl rant thus far goes to Will Leitch and his essay on the complete meltdown by CBS’ announcing team during the blackout last night.

Between Shannon Sharpe’s broken cliché machine and Bill Cowher actually suggesting that the San Francisco 49ers should bench Colin Kaepernick in the Super Bowl, I thought my head was getting close to a Scanners moment. Hell, they should have just brought out Rick Reilly and Kaepernick’s birth mother to finish us off.

That said, it’s an otherwise slow news day, unless you count a dog parade and I always count dog parades. This weekend, the fine people of St. Louis hosted the 19th annual Beggin’ Barkus Pet Parade in Soulard, according to the folks at KSDK 5, and there was even a lobster dog. Granted, it wasn’t THE Lobster Dog, but we take what we can get.

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This isn’t necessarily sports news, because it’s really about an actor from a show that really isn’t about fantasy football, but we don’t talk about The League enough here and that’s borderline criminal. (Especially since I may never fulfill my dream of writing a full breakdown of how I hate that The League isn’t more interactive with the actual NFL season and how sometimes they’re just completely wrong, but also how much I love how wrong Andre is about football yet he’s that dude who wins despite his idiocy – “Deion Sanders? I almost drafted him this year!” – and can we talk about how much I love that he’s engaged now to a woman who is just like him? Seriously, that show is evolving so well despite being based on such a limited premise.) Wait, what were we talking about?

Oh yeah, Jon Lajoie, who plays Taco on The League. If you weren’t familiar with Lajoie before the hit FX comedy first aired, you need to spend the rest of the day watching all of his hilarious YouTube music videos, including “Show Me Your Genitals”, “Pop Song” and “Everyday Normal Guy”, among others. Seriously, go do it. It’s better than working or giving your cat a bubble bath.

Now Lajoie is back with “The Best Christmas Song” and it’s equal parts obnoxious, annoying and hilarious as usual. Some people don’t care for Lajoie’s brand of comedy and I respect that, but I also counter with – Would you rather watch Bill Engvall? I didn’t think so.

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From here on out, I will photoshop Kate Upton over every politician's picture.

I don’t know anything about Michigan’s Fred Upton and his politics, but for circumstances that are important to the very fabric with which this site operates, I had to look them up. Turns out Upton is a Republican Congressman (don’t care) from Michigan’s 6th district (dooooon’t care) and he is also the Chairman of the Committee on Energy and Commerce (double dog doodie don’t care). However, he’s also the uncle of 2011 With Leather Celebrity Sports Fan of the Year Kate Upton and we absolutely care about that.

According to Michigan Live, this year’s election was a big kick in the pants for the incumbent congressman. Sure, he’s been in office since 1987 (originally in the 4th district, now in the 6th), but his margin of victory in this election was closer than it has ever been.

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Originally, I was going to write a few hundred words about how Kobe Bryant and Smush Parker are trading insults right now about their time as teammates 5 or 6 years ago. Bryant referred to Parker as the NBA’s equivalent of a walk-on and blames him and Kwame Brown for the Lakers being so terrible whenever they all played together (seriously, I don’t even feel like looking it up). So Parker, whose name I hadn’t even heard in at least 3 years, told one of his Walmart customers that Bryant was a terrible teammate (shocking) and that’s why he stopped passing to him.

And people are talking about this like crazy today, as if it’s some sort of revelation that Bryant is a selfish jerk, so I wanted to actually come to Bryant’s defense and tell Parker to stick to packing his tighty-whities for his trip back to China, where he’s paid to be awful at basketball. But then someone emailed me a link to photographer Terry Richardson’s website (NSFW*) and I was like, “Kobe who?”

Richardson, who is beloved by celebrities for being an artistic perv, decided to clear out the ol’ memory card on his camera and posted some new outtake photos from his last shoot with With Leather’s 2011 Celebrity Sports Fan of the Year and model Kate Upton. While I feel like I’ve already seen these photos, I don’t really care. It’s Friday. You’re welcome.

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Justin Verlander’s Sports Illustrated covergirl and technically-sports-related girlfriend Kate Upton has been pretty light on the photoshoots since bikini season ended, but her latest from CR Fashion Book magazine (entitled “Hush Lil Baby, Don’t You Cry”) has hit the web, and it’s … pretty weird.

The easiest way to describe it is that it’s Kate Upton with baby animals. And babies. And guys in bear costumes. I think she’s supposed to be Mother Nature? It’s like somebody took her Peter Cottontail video and decided to make it SUPER SERIOUS. I don’t even know.

Anyway, you can check out the pictures after the jump. I’ve also included a video from the shoot at the end of the gallery (thanks to the Internet’s closest-working Kate Upton representative, Mr. Jimmy Traina of SI’s Hot Clicks), and if you were hoping it’d establish some kind of narrative … yeah, no.

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