Last we checked in on Canadian pop superstar Justin Bieber, he was skating with the Toronto Maple Leafs as part of the Children’s Wish Foundation of Canada’s efforts to make a young girl’s dream come true, before he headed off to hand out food at the Daily Bread Food Bank. After all of that, he recorded a Christmas special for a Canadian TV station, and everyone was all, “Aw what a good kid who has more money than most African nations.”

So of course he deserved to take a little time off last night and have some fun at a Toronto Raptors game – as he was still in town after his grandparents were in a serious car accident. But those darn Raptors had to spoil the fun by sucking losing to the Indiana Pacers, 90-85.

However, the news isn’t that Bieber was at a game or that he wears his pants halfway down his ass like a schmuck. Nope, the tabloids are going crazy today because someone took a picture of J-Biebz looking in the general direction of the attractive female Raptors dancers. WHAT WILL SELENA GOMEZ THINK? OH THE HUMANITY! WHERE IS OUR GOD NOW? THE WORLD IS ENDING!

I need more coffee.

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ESPN the Magazine, or Highlights for sports fans as I like to call it, has finally released its highly-anticipated 9th-annual Ultimate Standings. If you’re unfamiliar, the Ultimate Standings are a guide to determining which sports franchises of the four major North American leagues (MLB, NFL, NBA and NHL) offer their fans the best experience, from cost to winning. Ultimately, it’s probably the most scientific method of telling us what we already know.

ESPN’s brain trust determined the standings with 8 categories:

Bang For The Buck (BNG): Wins during the past three years (regular season plus postseason) per revenues directly from fans, adjusted for league schedules.

Fan Relations (FRL): Openness and consideration toward fans by players, coaches and management.

Ownership (OWN): Honesty and loyalty to core players and local community.

Affordability (AFF): Price of tickets, parking and concessions.

Stadium Experience (STX): Quality of arena and game-day promotions as well as friendliness of environment.

Players (PLA): Effort on the field and likability off it.

Coaching (CCH): Strength of on-field leadership.

Title Track (TTR): Championships already won or expected in the lifetime of current fans.

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Continuing the theme of homosexual suggestiveness from yesterday’s post about Indians fans who are not necessarily into kissing each other, Toronto Raptors teammates Leandro Barbosa and Reggie Evans have caused a homophobic maelstrom on the Internet by playfully holding hands on their way back to the locker room after Sunday’s 102-98 victory over the Magic. Come on, these guys defeated MAGIC, they deserve to celebrate.

Without a lot of context provided (because seriously, who needs context), here are some of the now-disabled YouTube comments, courtesy of OutSports, the same site that once called me out for saying other people think pro wrestling is gay. Be cautious of inappropriate language, starred or otherwise.

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Hedo Turkgolu will play for his third team in three years when the NBA season gets started this fall. One year after signing Hedo to a 5 year, 53 million dollar deal, The Raptors traded the Turk to the Pheonix Suns in exchange for guard Leandro Barbosa and forward Dwayne Jones. I feel bad for Barbosa. Having to play basketball in Canada is the NBA’s equivalent of the death penalty.

The Phoenix Suns have acquired forward Hedo Turkoglu in a trade that sends guard Leandro Barbosa and forward Dwayne Jones to Toronto.

The deal gives the Suns a third forward in their attempt to replace free agent Amare Stoudemire. Phoenix signed swingman Josh Childress in a sign-and-trade deal with Atlanta earlier Wednesday and picked up Hakim Warrick in similar swap with Chicago.

Turkoglu spent one disappointing season in Toronto, averaging 11.3 points after being named the NBA’s most improved player with Orlando the year before.

Barbosa, the NBA’s 2006-07 sixth man of the year, played seven seasons in Phoenix, averaging 12.6 points as a key sub. Jones spent most of last season in the NBA Developmental League. –The Associated Press

Turkgolu’s already packed his bags and ran all the way to Phoenix, a pretty incredible feat indeed. So incredible, that he decided to put the entire thing up on Vimeo. Video after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Here’s a mascot eating a cheerleader. I’d make a bigger deal out of this, but occurrences like this are well-documented throughout history. Because they’re competing forces, see. Back in the dark ages only mascots existed, and then there was a big cheerleader uprising, full of blonde hair and their shiny poms and those little kicks that they do, and for a while they drove the mascots into hiding. But it appears that the worm is about to turn again, as the mascots seem poised to strike. Maybe the cheerleader should have told the Raptor that she was his king. Or does that only work in Maurice Sendak books? –Hot Clicks.

Here’s Toronto Raptors head coach Jay Triano taking out some frustration on the team overhead. In the old days, coaches used to slap the players, but now the players are too expensive. Clipboards are like, what, five bucks a pop at the most? And those are the new fancy clipboards. They don’t break into pieces quite as well, but the pieces are so jagged that you’d be in great shape if a knife fight ever broke out near the bench. It could happen… — @tasmelas.