On July 5, in the 10th inning of a 2-2 game against the Oakland Athletics, Franklin Gutierrez and Brendan Ryan scored to give the Seattle Mariners a 4-2 victory and a .500 record. Normally that kind of story wouldn’t be worth telling, but it was also the last time that Seattle has won a game. Since that night in Oakland, the Mariners have lost 17 games in a row. The American League record is 21 (1988 Baltimore Orioles) and the Major League Baseball record is 23 (1961 Philadelphia Phillies). After last night’s 4-1 one-hit loss to C.C. Sabathia and the New York Yankees, it’s looking like a record could be on the cold, rainy Emerald City horizon.

As a St. Louis Cardinals fan, I’m generally regarded as one of the most intelligent, classy and, in this case, sympathetic fans in sports. Seattle fans are a good, knowledgeable and loyal bunch, but they’re never really regarded in the same conversations as the other heartbroken fan bases in sports, like those of the Pittsburgh Pirates or the Cleveland Anythings. After losing the Supersonics to Oklahoma City and Super Bowl XL to the Pittsburgh Steelers, the fans of Seattle sports really only have the Mariners to hang their hopes on (with all due respect to Charlie Whitehurst and your 2011 Seahawks).

That’s why this losing streak is just so sad. Sad enough that I thought we could take a look back at the games, with the help of some really sad pooches. Oh, and for full appreciation of a Mariners fan’s sorrow, play this song in another window.

Special Breaking Score Update: There’s been a new dog added to reflect today’s Yankees-Mariners outcome.

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But the question remains: Are the Cleveland Indians “for real”?

Okay, so a one-and-a-half game lead in the AL Central might not constitute “awesome”, but watching Travis Hafner crush a ball into right field to defeat the Toronto Blue Jays and give the Tribe their second walk-off grand slam victory of the season felt that way. Blogs great and small have been asking that “are the Cleveland Indians an actual baseball team” question since the first week of the season and chances are they’ll be asking it well into September. If the Indians are three outs away from winning game four of the World Series to sweep the Phillies (or the Pirates, or whoever) the announcers will be on their Twitters, asking followers if now is the time to consider Cleveland a contender.

IT IS TIME TO DO THAT NOW. It is five past Tribe Time.

I’ve been watching this video over and over for the last half hour, so I thought I’d put it up on my website, where I could at least get a little traffic, and maybe a disgruntled Toronto fan stopping by to point out how the Jays play in the AL East and the Tribe plays in a ball pit with some kids dressed like the Twins. That’s true. It’s also true that we’ve got three months left in the season, and Cleveland could still finish 14 games behind the Tigers. It’s true that Cleveland is a terrible town full of terrible sports fans who still aren’t supporting their team and won’t buy an Indians shirt until they’re in the ALDS, but I love them all, dammit, and I am totally and completely expecting four-to-five more walk-off grand slams before the season is over.

Now isn’t the doldrums of sports fandom, folks. Now is the best.

And Magic Johnson, who was awesome.

Sports

Remember When Magic Happened in the 1980 NBA Finals? - I don’t, really, because I was only a few months old. I also don’t really remember the Miracle on Ice, but I’m going to tell people I do. I remember going to see E.T. and Empire Strikes Back at around this age, though, so you see where my mental priorities lie. [Smoking Section]

The Rogers Centre Field-Stormer, or The Industry’s First Television Star - The new era of instant, viral success has made us a society of doers, not thinkers, and the “doing” always seems to be stupid. I’ve got to be famous and it has to happen RIGHT NOW, I’m going to RUN WHERE THEY TOLD ME NOT TO, YEAHHH. [SBN]

Brothers and Sisters Make Bad Roomates: the KSK Sex/Fantasy Mailbag - These are always worth a read, but you don’t need me to tell you that. I’d start up a With Leather mailbag, too, but I don’t feel like explaining how I’m not gay five times a week every week for the rest of my life. [KSK]

10 Amazing Quotes From Brittney Palmer’s Cagewriter Interview - If you missed yesterday’s Maggie Hendricks-approved analysis of a Maggie Hendricks interview with a 12-year old middle school student who also happens to be a sexy Octagon Girl, check it out. [With Leather]

The Incredibly Strange Love Affair of Kyrie Irving and @MISSHAWAII - I’m not the type to toss a “BITCHES BE CRAZY” tag on posts, but wow, bitches be crazy. [With Leather]

Not Sports

Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum’s “21 Jump Street” To Be Rated R, Son - Because another R-rated comedy made money so producers went GO GO GO GO. The movie also stars the adorable Valerie Tian, who has maybe the worst filmography of all time (so far it includes Drillbit Taylor, Charlie St. Cloud, The Boy Who Cried Werewolf and a direct-to-video Robert Duvall western from 2006. Holy sh**. [Film Drunk]

Lobster Dog Vs. Lobster Dog - This is just a link to more links, but you should probably see a dog dressed as a lobster preparing to battle something called a “dog” covered with real lobster. [Warming Glow]

Super Mario Gets Some Sweet Converse Sneakers - I would pay good money for these shoes if I was still 15. Make some Excitebike shoes and we’ll talk. [Gamma Squad]

10 Great Things You Might Know Troy McClure From - “Hi, I’m Troy McClure! You may remember me from such TV shows as ‘the good seasons of The Simpsons’.” [Fark]

I don’t want to bombard you with videos to end the day, but this one is “the Internet” in a comfortable 16 second encapsulation. While reporter Heidi Watney talks about Jose Bautista on the sidelines at a Toronto Blue Jays versus Boston Red Sox game, a fan in the stands (who may or may not be Peyton Manning if you look at him long enough) gives her a hardcore ogling, complete with suggestive eyebrows.

The closest I’ve come to being this kid was when Jennie Finch sat in the row behind me at a Round Rock Express game last season. I just shook her hand and told her I liked what she did, but I probably should’ve put my hand over my mouth and made “a-ooga, A-OOGA” noises.

[via The Nosebleeds]

Last week, we were full of oohs and ahs after a Cirque du Soleil performer delivered one of the most ridiculously fantastic first pitches in baseball history, said the guy using hyperbole. But the fine people at San Diego’s PETCO Park can go back to the drawing board because all of the front flips and barrel rolls in the world can’t top yesterday’s first pitch at Fenway Park.

The family of U.S. Navy Petty Officer Bridget Lydon gathered on the pitcher’s mound prior to yesterday’s game against the Toronto Blue Jays for a special video greeting from Lydon. But as they watched the video, Lydon stepped out from behind a giant American flag and greeted her family in person for the first time since she was deployed on the USS Ronald Reagan in 2009. Lydon returned on the Reagan recently after a quick stop in Japan to aid tsunami and earthquake victims, but her family had no clue she was homeward bound. Me and my tear ducts agree that this was a pretty damn good surprise. And while Lydon’s pitch was way off target, I’m betting that most Red Sox fans would have rather left her in, instead of letting John Lackey take the mound.

After the jump, I’ve got video of Lydon talking about the opportunity, but it’s obviously not nearly as good as the actual video of her introduction and family’s reaction, which you can view at MLB.com, since Bud Selig’s gestapo won’t let us no good bloggers have embedding privileges. Seriously, though, every team should do this every game. For the next 200,000 or so games. That would be pretty nice.

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ESPN the Magazine, or Highlights for sports fans as I like to call it, has finally released its highly-anticipated 9th-annual Ultimate Standings. If you’re unfamiliar, the Ultimate Standings are a guide to determining which sports franchises of the four major North American leagues (MLB, NFL, NBA and NHL) offer their fans the best experience, from cost to winning. Ultimately, it’s probably the most scientific method of telling us what we already know.

ESPN’s brain trust determined the standings with 8 categories:

Bang For The Buck (BNG): Wins during the past three years (regular season plus postseason) per revenues directly from fans, adjusted for league schedules.

Fan Relations (FRL): Openness and consideration toward fans by players, coaches and management.

Ownership (OWN): Honesty and loyalty to core players and local community.

Affordability (AFF): Price of tickets, parking and concessions.

Stadium Experience (STX): Quality of arena and game-day promotions as well as friendliness of environment.

Players (PLA): Effort on the field and likability off it.

Coaching (CCH): Strength of on-field leadership.

Title Track (TTR): Championships already won or expected in the lifetime of current fans.

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