This video’s almost a month old and I have no idea what Toronto Blue Jays slugger Vernon Wells is talking about, let alone which one of the so-called Action Girls he’s sharing (whichever one she is, I’d bet you couldn’t slide a 50-dollar bill between her knees…maybe a hundred). But anyway, chick mentions something about a lawsuit, and Wells guesses that it’s probably fellow Blue Jay Aaron Hill, “because he’s a racist.” Uhhh…
I guess it’s a joke, but jokes are supposed to be…I don’t know…funny? Or at the very least, involve prostitutes and/or dead babies so that at least we know that you’re trying to be funny and just not getting there. But this? I don’t know what the hell this is. Vernon Wells hardly seems like the Malcolm X type. Maybe Malcolm Z, as in zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Enjoy other potentially racist acts after the jump: Read the rest of this entry »
No, that hed wasn’t a horrible pun, but we’ll have plenty of those later. Actually, the Toronto Blue Jays face a beer and liquor license suspension coincidentally after fan behavior took an unruly turn in the Jays’ opener yesterday against Detriot. Fans at the Rogers Centre littered the field with baseballs, paper planes, empty beer cups, and old copies of Jagged Little Pill. Okay, I made that last one up. Either way, there will be no hooch at tonight’s game, per order of the Alcohol and Gaming Commission of Ontario:
The panel cited five broken rules at baseball and football games and concerts dating to the Canadian Football League championship game in 2007. The stadium will also be dry on April 21 when Toronto plays Texas, and for a CFL game on Aug. 1.
Both affected baseball games fell on dates when the price of upper deck seats was cut to $4, a promotion called “Messin’ With Recession.” The ban covers everything from concessions, vendors and restaurants to the beer refrigerators in both locker rooms.
Signs posted Tuesday at stadium entrances listed five reasons for the license suspension: permitting drunkenness, permitting the use of narcotics, selling and serving to apparent minors, failure to request approved identification and permitting illegal liquor on the premises.
It’s hard to believe that the province of Ontario would force people to watch baseball sober. That just reeks of cruel and unusual punishment to me. Not that would expect any different from a cadre of pinko socialists. But the liquor ban taking effect right after a game like that, is that true irony? Or is that Alanis Morrisette irony, which really isn’t irony at all? And to think that Dave Coulier actually hit that…
Rios, seen here some women just the way he likes them: clothed
I didn’t realize there were other teams in the AL East besides the Rays, Red Sox, and Yankees, but apparently a game between the “Blue Jays” and “Orioles” was interrupted by a streaker. Big League Stew has outfielder Alex Rios’s curious response:
A few pitches before Alex Rios hits a go-ahead homer against Rocky Cherry, a naked man leaped onto the field and ran until caught. Rios said the moment helped him find clarity. “It did (distract) for a little bit but I think it was funny. It got my spirits up,” Rios said. “I’ve seen two people naked. The other one was a few years ago. It was a little disturbing the first time.“
Really? Naked people get his spirits up? I wonder if my lawyer can use that. “Your honor, my client was merely trying to bring joy to others by exposing himself.” Yeaaahhhh, that’s the ticket.
(Photo via On the DL)
Canadian fans mercilessly went after Alex Rodriguez this weekend, flashing pictures of Madonna to distract him. I can't even imagine the mildly impolite things they said to him. "Hey, A-Rod, why don't you go hold Madonna's hand, eh?" "Have a safe trip back to New York, you hoser!" "I'm holding a photograph of someone you probably didn't sleep with! Look over here!" "You're aboot to strike out!"
Brutal. Just brutal, Canadia. Next time you should really let him have it by throwing cotton balls at him. Wet cotton balls! Then he'll KNOW you mean business!
(FYI, A-Rod in Toronto: 4-for-13, with three RBI and his 537th career home run to pass Mickey Mantle. The Yankees dropped two of three.)
Walkoff Walk, a baseball blog that's so horrible that you'd swear it actually had a glass ceiling, points us to a New York Times article about Blue Jays third baseman Scott Rolen and his reluctance to discuss Tony La Russa, his former manager, and playfully insinuates that Rolen might be insane.
There are few conditions more debilitating than chronic paranoia. While I'm no medical expert, I can't help but wonder if the malady is part of a larger condition hinted at in the article: Self Destructive Behavior.
You are no medical expert, but your Hummer's back seat is so big someone could perform an abortion in it (link NSFW for language). And there's your baseball post for March. — Monday Morning Punter
You have to admit, 1984 was pretty sweet. Michael Jackson was black, we kicked ass at the LA Olympics because the bitch-ass commies stayed home, Reagan was still kinda lucid when he beat the hell out of Mondale, and I rocked the block with my Return of the Jedi t-shirt. It had speeder bikes on it.
Most importantly, if the zeitgeist of 1984 had a face, that face had a mustache. Much like everyone on the Blue Jays.
