This is the Gates Of Heaven of football gifs. I’ve watched it about thirty times, and I’m still not to the bottom of it.

The moment, captured by way of Reddit and posted on Mocksession, depicts This Guy, Jon Gruden, as he attempts to overcome the very worst part of being white: not knowing which handshake to use, where the handshake is going or when it’s supposed to end. I feel his pain. I do this with mascots a lot. Tex Hooper of FC Dallas will raise his hand up and I won’t know if he’s waving at me or going for a high-five, and by the time I decide to go five he’s switched it to a fist bump. The upside to my awkwardness is that I don’t have to be it on national television. I’ll leave it up to you to decide whether Ron Jaworski’s execution was better or worse than Mike Tirico’s. [editor's note: way, way worse]

The important lesson here is that if you dare fist bump, don’t try to do it two at a time. Get the people you want to bump lined up single-file and bump it in order like you just won a baseball game. Or, if you’re as old as these guys, just f**king shake hands.

The Penguins’ Matt Cooke is one of those guys that skates around trying to instigate trouble with the other side; he’s sort of like a hockey mother-in-law. But leave it to a guy named Evander Kane to finally shut the front door. Kane gets one look at Cooke and he can’t get his gloves off fast enough. And then the drama unfolds the way you’d expect when a black guy fights a white guy. It’s all waiting for you after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Rich Eisen of NFL Network has an annual tradition of running the 40-yard dash, one that his colleagues and viewers seem to have a lot of fun with. As mentioned earlier by Dan Levy, Eisen ran a personal best of 6.25 seconds, which fell short of his sub-six-seconds goal. The last time I ran the 40 was in 2005, without a warmup, and it was 8.2 seconds. But to be fair, I was running it at night. And I’m Caucasian. And fat. Did I mention the Caucasian part? See the whole video here at NFL.com. Or don’t.

I think we all remember the hardon that Ufford had for “free running,” and so we post this flipbook of an artistic interpretation of parkour with that in mind. I’m not terribly impressed with the end product, but I appreciate the work that went into drawing all of those little people a bunch of times. And it does seem to have that same sort of urban grittiness that you’d expect in a parkour video. I should get Uff a towel ready, just in case. –TechEBlog.

Here’s an impressive display of teamwork by (I presume) Japanese dancers celebrating cell phones and…apparently, upskirts. This has to be the first time ever that an upskirt shot was embodies by 12 people at once. And yet everyone else seems totally content to dance around with their capes and play it all chill. I once tried to teach four Catholic schoolgirls how to do the electric slide, and for three hours we got absolutely nowhere. Then I threw a tennis ball out into the street and they all chased it.