If you weren’t aware that today is New York Jets backup quarterback Tim Tebow’s birthday, then you probably haven’t turned on a TV or logged into Facebook or Twitter yet. (Side note: If that’s not your morning routine, you’re already my role model.) But yes indeed, friends, today is the day of birth for the Chosen Gun – trying out some new nicknames in case he ever becomes accurate – and we’re certainly not at a shortage of needlessly positive Tebow news or jokes that his birthday is actually December 25.

ESPN’s Sal Paolantonio is already salivating over the prospect of a Tim Tebow Wildcat system, even claiming that Tebow may be the greatest left-handed athlete of all-time. My grandmother always told me that hyperbole is the greatest gift. Meanwhile, Tony Sparano, that architect of all those amazing Miami *fart noise* Dolphins *fart noise* offenses, is keeping almost everything about his Wildcat a secret, because he wants it to take two weeks before defenses start stuffing Shonn Greene for no gain.

But today is about celebration for the world’s beloved Tebow, and I find there’s no better way to honor him than with a special tribute from our dear friends at Rick’s Cabaret in New York City, as they passed along a few special birthday pictures this morning. And to top it all off, I made Tebow a very special With Leather photoshop birthday card.

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Ah Twitter, where athlete rants are born and subsequently apologized for. Today’s hot rant comes courtesy of New York Jets DB Antonio Cromartie, who bought into the rumors that his team could indeed be sending a draft pick to the Denver Broncos for Tim Tebow, and we should have listened to him, because he was right. The Jets indeed traded for Tim Tebow.

Cromartie actually made a valid point that his team should be focused on other pieces to help Mark Sanchez, who just signed an extension with the Jets after rumors that they were pursuing Peyton Manning. But he’s probably just upset that he has another name to remember. *rim shot*

As I said, valid points… if Tebow will be competing for the starting QB gig. But he won’t. He’ll be filling Brad Smith’s previous role as the utility guy for wildcat and gimmick plays, which would be especially potent now that Mr. Wildcat himself, Tony Sparano, is running the offense for the Jets. Hell, Cromartie and the Jets should be excited about the idea of Tebow as a QB/HB/TE/FB/WR option for Sanchez.

In the meantime, if you’re wondering where that massive shadow is coming from, it’s the New York sports media’s erection.

"Hey you, get over here... stay here... please?"

It has already been a pretty big week for the New York Jets, as they’ve been making personnel changes to repair the problems that have kept them from fulfilling head coach Rex Ryan’s wrongly predicted Super Bowl victories before each of the last three seasons. The first move came with the team kindly asking offensive coordinator Brian Schottenheimer to resign, and the second move came as the Jets hired former Miami Dolphins coach Tony Sparano to replace him. As a Dolphins fan, I can only offer a mild “Meh, we’ll see” to that latter move.

Now, though, some players are allegedly speaking out that the problem wasn’t completely in Schottenheimer’s inability to use his offensive weapons, as much as it’s the fault of weapon Numero Uno, QB Mark Sanchez.

“They don’t want to be truthful with him,” one prominent player said of the way that the organization has handled Sanchez. “They treat him like a baby instead of a man. He goes in a hole when someone tells him the truth.”

“So that should tell you everything,” the source said. “He just doesn’t have the mental toughness to be great… especially in New York.”

“They see the organization babying him,” said a Jets source. “They see him with a sense of entitlement. He’s been given all this and hasn’t done anything. They call him ‘San-chise.’ They make him the face of the organization. They gave him the captain tag. He’s not a captain. He should have never been a captain.”

(Via the New York Daily News)

Ah, my favorite type of sources – anonymous. There’s nothing quite like a player calling his teammate a coddled baby and refusing to go on record for it (also check out our cooler older brothers’ take at KSK). But the quotes are out there now for the whole world to see, and that’s all that matters. So how do these anonymous players think the team should handle it? Acquire Peyton Manning, of course.

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"It's a tree cah garage for all yer Trans Ams."

It would be beyond obvious to say that things aren’t going well for the Miami Dolphins. With quarterback Chad Henne out for the season, backup Matt Moore playing with injured ribs, and recent third string retread Sage Rosenfels done for the season, the team had to bring in Buffalo Bills loss manufacturer J.P. Losman for depth. Factor in Anthony Fasano’s latest addition to the players chastising fans for pushing the “Suck for Luck” initiative and we’ve got a full blown mess.

Perhaps nothing is messier than Tony Sparano’s status as head coach. Earlier this week, Yahoo!’s Jason Cole reported that NFL analysts Bill Cowher and Jon Gruden were itching to return to coaching and had mentioned to unnamed people that Miami would fit their desires. CBS stirred the pot further, claiming that the Dolphins had actually been in contact with Cowher. Whether one thing has to do with the other or not, Sparano has put his house up for sale. Again.

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The Miami Dolphins are 0-5. In no sport is that a good way to start a season, especially in the NFL, where teams don’t have the luxury of needlessly long seasons like the NBA and MLB. So it goes without saying that as the New England Patriots have once again established themselves as the standard in the AFC East, and the Buffalo Bills have proven that a franchise can climb out of a dumpster, Dolphins fans are pretty pissed off. Enter: The “Suck for Luck” faithful.

Very few people believe that Stanford quarterback Andrew Luck isn’t one of the most enticing arms in NFL draft history. By nearly every expert account, Luck is a sure fire NFL franchise QB – the next John Elway, Peyton Manning, and especially Dan Marino. That said, you’ll have to forgive Miami fans if they’re just a little intrigued by the idea of adding someone like that.

Too bad Karlos Dansby couldn’t give a damn, bro.

“It’s not right, bro. It’s not right,” Dansby said. “We put too much into this, man, to have the fans say that – period, point blank — or even promote that campaign. It’s kind of sad.”

“It pisses me off,” he said. “I don’t understand nothing about that. I put too many hours into this, man, put too many years into this, sacrificed too much to ask somebody to put that stipulation on me and my teammates. Because I know how much we put into this.”

“Man, we got 11 games. What are you talking about?” Dansby said. “We can’t look at next season. We’ve got 11 games. We can win ‘em out, and then what? Then you’d be biting your tongue. Those guys that are saying that are fair-weather fans. They’re not real Dolphins fans.”

(Via the Sun-Sentinel)

Win ‘em out? OK, if the Dolphins win their next 11 games, I will legally change my name to “Karlos Dansby’s Bitch.” Dolphins coach Tony Sparano also chimed in on the “campaign.”

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The Miami Dolphins were supposed to start the season with a Top 10 defense. After all, cornerback Vontae Davis boasted that he and Sean Smith make up the league’s best secondary tandem. So how did that work out for the Dolphins on Monday night against the New England Patriots? Well, Tom Brady threw them on a pinball machine and helped himself to 517 yards and 4 touchdowns, of course.

How in the name of Don Shula’s neck wrinkles did that happen? Easy – it was all Benny Sapp’s fault. Much like last year’s equally embarrassing MNF loss to the Pats, when Miami fired special teams coach John Bonamego, a finger had to be removed from Jeff Ireland’s nose and pointed at someone. This time, the ax landed on Sapp, who was cut by the team yesterday.

“It’s a hard decision to make,” Sparano said. “I know how hard this guy works. Nobody works harder than him at what he does. Special teams is a hard area because there’s a lot of hands involved in that area.

“What I mean is the players have some responsibility in that area, too. And the players change a lot in that area. Our players also need to take responsibility.” (Miami Herald)

And today, the Dolphins have moved forward by moving even farther backwards. They re-signed Will Allen. Normally, this wouldn’t be much of a newsworthy story, as crappy teams make crappy decisions all the time. I just think that this is the first step in what is going to be an entire season of exceptionally crappy decisions by Sparano as he tries desperately to save his ass. I’d like to see the Buffalo Bills top that.