The Dallas Cowboys quarterback broke up with his overweight pop star girlfriend last week, as reported by People.com (thanks, Andy). Romo allegedly called the whole thing off on Thursday, the day before Jessica’s 29th birthday.
“She is heartbroken,” says the source. “She loves Tony. But it’s been difficult lately. He’s busy with his career and she’s getting ready to shoot her show (The Price of Beauty). They decided to part ways.”
The Dallas Cowboys quarterback fueled breakup rumors when he showed up with about 14 friends at the Hollywood hotspot MyHouse on Friday night without the birthday girl, a source tells PEOPLE.
Despite what some people might say, the best time to break up with a girl is right before her birthday. Especially if she’s one of those people that acts like you two are “on a break” or “having issues” or whatever. Some women use the breakup as a wake-up call, so “breaking up” isn’t exactly a genuine split to them. But if you rip the heart out of her chest right before a supposedly big day for her, the message is a lot more clear. Plus she usually cries, and if you’re severing ties with someone whom you’ve invested in emotionally, that’s always nice. You know, after the fact.
And for guys, it’s easy to kind of chug along in a crappy arrangement for a while, pretending things are okay in hopes that they eventually do improve. But when birthdays come up and she expects you to be all bubbly and happy and all that crap, it just makes sense to jump off there. Sure, a woman can fake an orgasm, but only a guy can fake an entire relationship.
Jessica Simpson wants to learn how to play golf. I don’t really know why she wants to play golf. I’m sure last week she wanted to be an astronaut, and then maybe Vice President the week before that. Jay Busbee at Devil Ball Golf thinks it’s a PR ploy; she asked Tiger Woods for lessons, but he apparently he had better things to do. Like his wife.
As well as helping her to get in shape, Jessica, 28, thinks learning to play golf will bring her closer to Tony, who is a huge fan of the sport.
A source tells In Touch Weekly: “Jessica is taking it seriously. She even asked if Tiger Woods would give her some pointers, but he’s been busy with his new baby.”
The “Golfing With Women” thing can be a divisive issue. I personally love it, but I know a lot of guys hate it. It depends on whether “golf course” means “golf course” or “out to the strip club with friends.” Of course, one could argue that if Jess wasn’t so much bigger these days, then Tony would hardly be playing much golf at all.
“Yarrrr, I told her not to run on the wet poop deck”
You’ll have to excuse me for continuing to bathe in the glory of the NFL’s splendid Week 17. I understand that this is public glory, and my nude bathing upsets the children. But there are some NFL-related photos I felt I had to share, like the Buccaneers fans above. The ribbon really dresses up the neck brace, I think.
Below we’ve got Steelers receiver Hines Ward chilling off duty with porn star Lisa Ann (he ruv her rong time?), and also a vehicle dedicated to the Steelers, courtesy Grimey at loljocks. Hey, you can’t spell “Pittsburgh” without PT… Cruiser.
And I threw in some visual evidence of Tony Romo’s misery, because knowing he collapsed in the shower after the game just doesn’t quite satisfy my lust for schadenfreude. Hey, he went home and nailed Jessica Simpson. Is that worth the entire Dallas metropolitan area and millions more people hating your guts? No, probably not. Hooray!
Astute readers will notice that I awesomely didn’t cover last week’s Cowboys drama (aka Werdergate) because I can’t stand ESPN-manufactured non-stories. However, I am powerless to resist the siren song of birthday party drama. Yes, even though Terrell Owens made nice with his maybe-alleged conspirators Tony Romo and Jason Witten on TV after Sunday night’s win, Romo and Witten were no-shows at T.O.’s birthday party (which raised money for charity) on Monday night.
Actor Will Smith sent a special birthday message, and rapper Ludacris was expected to perform at midnight. Owens was given the official key to the city of Dallas by city officials [Ed. note: ????].
However, considering the events of the last week… the headliners Monday night were his teammates and coaches. Romo, who is suffering from a back injury sustained against the Giants, was a no-show at press time, along with Witten, who is also nursing injuries.
OMIGOD OMIGOD!!! Guys! Jason and Tony totally had their own secret party with Jessica Simpson and, like, other famous people? And then T.O. said they weren’t there because he didn’t invite those bitches, but then Jason and Tony were all like whatever, we woudn’t want to go to your stupid party anyway. Totally. I so cannot wait to see who got voted to the Prom Bowl.
[via FanHaus | MORE: ESPN interview I didn't watch | T.O.'s 33rd birthday party]
It’s not enough for Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo to date a pin-up pop princess, attend high school pep rallies, and stop to change stranded motorists’ tires late at night. He’s so kind and selfless that he’s now taking homeless men to the movies. What an asshole.
The man, who goes by Doc, was outside a theater in in Dallas when [Romo] came up and offered to pay his way to see a movie…
Romo and Doc ended up sitting together watching the movie “Role Model.” [sic] Doc told the newspaper that he informed Romo that he hadn’t showered in days.
“Don’t worry about that,” Romo said, according to the newspaper. “I’m used to locker rooms.”
The man then said he hadn’t had sex in years. “Don’t worry about,” Romo said, according to my imagination. “I’m used to degrading myself for others’ pleasure.”
Will Smith and Tony Romo went to a high school pep rally together in Dallas. Why? Well, someone had to pump up Lake Highlands’ state-bound volleyball team, and I’m not allowed to set foot on school campuses in Texas, so there you go.
Smith told the students that when he first started on TV’s “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air,” producer Quincy Jones gave him two words of advice: fearless and relentless. He said you have to be both to achieve your goals.
Romo talked about the doubts that he, as an undrafted free agent, could even make the team, much less become starting quarterback of the Cowboys. He said what was keeping him from reaching his goals was him, not what other people were saying.
Good to know for Dallas fans. It’s not Jessica Simpson’s fault the Cowboys can’t win a playoff game, and it’s not your fault for saying it’s her fault. It’s all Tony’s fault. It’s not a curse, it’s just your quarterback’s limitations. That’s gotta be a relief.
