Walkoff Walk, a baseball blog that's so horrible that you'd swear it actually had a glass ceiling, points us to a New York Times article about Blue Jays third baseman Scott Rolen and his reluctance to discuss Tony La Russa, his former manager, and playfully insinuates that Rolen might be insane. 

There are few conditions more debilitating than chronic paranoia. While I'm no medical expert, I can't help but wonder if the malady is part of a larger condition hinted at in the article: Self Destructive Behavior.

You are no medical expert, but your Hummer's back seat is so big someone could perform an abortion in it (link NSFW for language). And there's your baseball post for March. — Monday Morning Punter

[Walkoff Walk] 

Tony LaRussa pleaded guilty and took full responsibility the other day for the charges of his DUI arrest eight months ago.  And the local Florida police department awesomely released the video of his arrest.  It starts out hilariously, as he claims that he was asleep at the wheel because he got up early and had only two glasses of wine.  Then it gets kind of depressing after he gets put in the squad car and gets further testing at the police station.

True story: Friday, June 15, 2001.  The day I graduated from armor school at crappy-ass Fort Knox.  I got up extremely early that morning, went for a run, had a little graduation ceremony, then finished packing all of my stuff to drive to California.  That night, a friend (commenter "ihopethisgetsmattmoney") and I went out in Louisville.  I was driving, so I only had two gin and tonics over the span of two-plus hours, while my friend got loaded.  On the way back, with my friend passed out, I started nodding off behind the wheel, and a cop pulled me over on Highway 31W in a stretch of dry county that's dry because a drunk driver killed a family or a busload of kids or something.  Not exactly friendly territory.  Faced with the possibility of a DUI, I was INSTANTLY wide awake.  Then I passed all of the field sobriety tests because I was only sleepy, not drunk.

What I'm saying is, Tony LaRussa is full of shit. 

[FanHaus] 

Former pitching prospect turned head case turned failure turned outfield prospect Rick Ankiel made his re-debut as a Cardinal last night, hitting a three-run homer that powered St. Louis past the Padres 5-0.  It was kind of surprising that the Cardinals called up Ankiel at all — they are, after all, firmly ensconced below .500, and Ankiel had only hit 32 home runs in Triple-A this season.  It just didn't make any sense to bring a young power hitter into the lineup.

But anyway.  As expected, people were all giddy that a guy whose promising career imploded has been reincarnated at a different position.  Tony LaRussa:

"Short of winning the World Series, it's the happiest I've seen our club. I'm fighting my butt off to keep it together. Next to striking out [Brandon Inge to win the World Series], that's the happiest I've been in this uniform."

And here I was thinking Adam Wainwright got the last out of the series last year.  I had no idea it was LaRussa on the mound.  That LaRussa!  So versatile.  A baseball genius, really.

This is Gianfranco Zola and Antonio Nocerino, two soccer player on Italy's under-21 team, after someone told them that John Travolta doesn't disappoint in the new Hairspray movie.

It's one of many terrific photos in this SI.com gallery that's chockful o' things to mock.  Seriously:  Brady Quinn throwing out a ceremonial first pitch, a 110-year-old man still breathing, and the always super-cool Tony LaRussa hanging with Sammy Hagar.  That's like 60% of everything I make fun of on a daily basis.  If they'd just gotten a picture of the Bengals beating up a homeless person and Pacman Jones killing a stripper, I would have had to retire immediately.  To a quiet Brazilian villa with Scarlett Johansson.

I'm a little bit late arriving to this story, but a while back D.C. Sports Bog pointed out that none other than Tony LaRussa is on the ballot for World's Sexiest Vegetarian, and it flew under my radar until the FanHaus picked it up.

Among the more than 200 sizzling celebs who are vying for this year's titles: country music sensation Carrie Underwood; ravishing redhead Bryce Dallas Howard; sexy starlet Alicia Silverstone; King Kong leading lady Naomi Watts;…House beauty Lisa Edelstein; Walk the Line's dashing "Johnny Cash," Joaquin Phoenix; Hollywood heartthrob Casey Affleck; …American Idol crooner Ruben Studdard; actor and 30 Seconds to Mars vocalist Jared Leto; Good Charlotte hottie Benji Madden; and dapper emcee Common.

I hope everyone's okay with the picture of Bryce Dallas Howard; I know how LaRussa sets hearts aflutter on this site. 

LaRussa's competition in the world of sports includes Carl Lewis, Raja Bell, Anthony Peeler, and Ricky Williams, but with heartthrobs like Rick Rubin, Dennis Kucinich, Kevin Nealon, Peter Dinklage, and Weird Al Yankovic all competing on the men's side, it looks like the sports hunks may all be long shots.

"Whoo, I'm tired.  I really am enjoying the inspired play of my Fightin' Phils, but I think that seventeenth beer was a bad idea.  Maybe I'll just go take a quick nap in my comfortable Audi for the bottom half of the fourth inning."

Um, I'm no Smokey Yunink, but I think that's bad for your automobile.   This wonderful incident also exemplifies the marked difference between professionals and amateurs.  Think about how much more athleticism and skill Tony LaRussa displayed by selecting the brake instead of the accelerator.  And he was in drive!  This guy really has some long hours of practice ahead of him before he reaches that level.  I like how they focussed on this drunkard's face at the end.  Hold on, is that Brett Myers?  Run away, run away! -KD