According to this video, everything rapper T-Will Da Deal do “Saint Lou”, including:

• Walking
• Talking
• Owning clothing
• Posting homemade World Series anthems to YouTube
• Calling your homemade World Series YouTube anthems “films”
• Featuring a plush “rally squirrel” on the track who does that annoying “unh! unh! Yeah! We goin’ all the way!” thing people do before rap songs, except in a sped-up chipmunk voice
• Having said squirrel announce that he’s “just trying to get a nut”, because get it
• Giving a shout-out to his “haters”, because irrational hatred is the only reason to not like a squirrel-centric baseball rap song where somebody rhymes “mayor” with “McGwire” by saying neither of them properly

The tags on the video are even better, and include “BET”, “KANYE”, “JAY-Z”, “DEF” and “JAM”, “JIVE”, “RAMS” and both “FRED” and “BIRD”. I’m not sure if he’s trying to get on television, get a record contract, get into the NFL or just meet Fred Bird, but his video production and the fat that he’s rapping to actual music puts him ahead of any efforts we’ve seen from Texas Rangers fans. I’m not sure if he got the “I’m just trying to get a nut” thing from a Wal-mart t-shirt or from another rapper (where he appears to have picked up everything else), but the knowledge that a Cards victory would cause Lance Berkman to “get a nut” makes me really want to root for Texas.

“Dave Seville-style Rally Anthems” are the next logical step in St. Lou’s Rally Squirrel phenomenon, following shaped chocolate and inspirational taxidermy, and I hope the trend lasts long enough for Tony La Russa to try and bring in four different rally squirrels in an inning.

[h/t Outside the Boxscore]

That tweet, from Tony La Russa’s daughter Devon (and courtesy of Big League Stew), is in response to a quickly-deleted Sunday night tweet that read:

I saw a crack head doing “The Wash” today. Coincidence? I think not…

I’m hoping “coincidence, I think not” is the phrase she’s apologizing for, or else she just called recovering cocaine addict and Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington a crackhead. But don’t worry, it’s just a phrase she uses! A phrase to describe people who do crack. Hopefully not to describe black people who do crack specifically.

As the guy who writes The Dugout, a comic where Ron Washington’s only appearances are drug-joke related and we once had Dmitri Young use someone’s skull as a bong, I can only cast so many stones. I will, however, point out that my RON WASHINGTON IS A CRACKHEAD commentary is presented in a fake AIM chatroom with pun screen names and tacos that can speak on a sports comedy blog, and Devon’s is not. I’ll also point out that if you’re just messing around, quickly deleting the comment so nobody can see you’ve made it is a good indicator that you quickly realized you were being dumb, and “it was dumb, sorry” would go a lot farther than “crack head is a phrase I’ve coined”.

I urge everyone who discusses this matter to avoid the phrase “freedom of speech” at all costs.

The Texas Rangers lost last night’s Game 1 of the 2011 World Series to the St. Louis Cardinals, 3-2. It was another in a well-played string of games from Tony La Russa, who got an enormous faux-hawk and decided he’d rather not ever lose at baseball again. Game 2 goes down tonight, and then we head to Arlington for Dirk Nowitzki, Zooey Deschanel and everything else you think of when you hear “Texas”.

The real story of the game, at least in my household, was how long I could listen to Joe Buck and Tim McCarver speak before saying f**k it to baseball entirely and playing Arkham City. About three innings. The following Dugout is a verbatim recreation of those three innings.

Enjoy, if that’s possible.

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You know who was fantastic? Jack Nicklaus. I’m not talking about being good at golf, he was just awesome. He got to exist in a time when adult men could be famous for their trade and look and dress and act like a reserve astronaut at all times. Look at the people around him. Do you see any 34 year old bloggers wearing suits that don’t fit, scribbling into little notepads with a smirk on their face about the funny headline they’re gonna write the next day? Nope. Just a bunch of 70-f**king year old men, smiling and laughing about the golf. And his nickname was “The Golden Bear.” Yeah, Jack Nicklaus was fantastic.

Who do we have like Jack Nicklaus now? Ben Crane? He puts funny videos on the Internet. Tiger Woods sends sexts about needing you right now. If Jack Nicklaus could text, he’d do it with his entire fist, and that is not a rerun Chuck Norris joke, that is historic sports fact.

Sports

The Best Nicknames in Sports - The reason for the opening blurb. Travel back in time to that wonderful, bygone era when pictures could be cool without nipple slips or funny faces. “The Golden Bear” is still the best, but “Puddin’ Head” is pretty close. And “Crazy Legs.” I would do anything for my peers to call me “Crazy Legs.” [Life]

Top 5 Signature Go-To Moves in the NBA - This is a great list, even if it reminds me of how much I used to love Tim Hardaway and the UTEP 2 Step. Basketball was awesome when you could just pick up the ball and run around with it. Then Tim Hardaway had to open his mouth, and I stopped liking basketball so much. [Hoop Doctors]

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As we climb deeper into this recess that is the 2011 NFL Lockout, I worry for our future. Sure, I worry that I won’t deal with the stress of setting 8 fantasy football lineups, but I also worry that I’m running out of cheerleaders. Thankfully, blessed angels like Bianca LaRussa exist to fill my time and make me wonder why the hell I never knew that St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa has a smoking hot daughter. As a Cardinals fan, I’m generally regarded as wiser and more virile than other baseball fans, so it would seemingly make sense that I would have fresh ink on a restraining order from Bianca by now. I feel so dirty, having wasted my time and effort on Alexa Flutie.

Alas, we live and learn. Bianca has fulfilled her lifelong dream of becoming an Oakland Raiderette and we couldn’t be happier for her. That’s why we’re dedicating this third installment of the NFL’s Bravest Faces to Bianca and her new sorority of Oakland cheerleaders, as well as the newest and brightest spirit from the by-God New York Jets and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, whose cheerleader tryouts appear to have been an homage to the movie The Replacements. Come on, Bucs, you have Mons Venus and 2001 within walking distance of Raymond James. I expect better from you.

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The St. Louis Cardinals coaching staff got a little boost when Tony LaRussa reportedly hired Mark McGwire to serve as the Cards’ hitting coach in 2010. A press conference has been schedule by the Cards for noon today, but did not say why they scheduled it. THEY’RE NOT HERE TO TALK ABOUT THE PAST!

The 65-year-old La Russa has been mulling his future since the NL Central champion Cardinals were swept in the division series by the Los Angeles Dodgers on Oct. 10. His two-year, $8.5 million contract expires at the end of the month.

McGwire has largely been out of the public eye since then. He attended Congressional hearings on steroid abuse but said little in testimony, saying “I’m not here to talk about the past,” and has fallen far short in balloting for the Hall of Fame despite hitting 583 home runs. –CBS Sports.

The hitting coach is really just a glorified drinking buddy for the manager. Those guys already know how to hit. I suspect McGwire’s coaching techniques will be more pharmaceutical in nature, anyway. Hey, the doctors are doing it, and you don’t see anyone complaining about doctors these days.