Tony Gonzalez is finally getting out of Kansas City. Gonzalez was accquired in a trade by the Atlanta Falcons for a 2nd round draft pick in 2010. Yes, Atlanta didn’t even give away a pick this year for arguably one of the top 3 receiving tight ends in the league. And suddenly the Falcons go from “probably making the playoffs again” to a dark horse Super Bowl contender. Holy crap, that team is pretty GD scary right now.

Tomorrow’s going to be more NFL-intensive with the draft this weekend, but we should probably mention Torry Holt’s thank-you note to the city of St. Louis, which was summed up nicely on KSK by Christmas Ape. As far as Georgia’s Matt Stafford going No. 1, who knows. Wake Forest linebacker Aaron Curry has already said he’ll take less money, guaranteed and otherwise, to go No. 1. And that could actually go down. Stay tuned.

A California man named Ken Hunter was having dinner with his girlfriend when he began to choke on a piece of meat.  Luckily, Chiefs tight end Tony Gonzalez, who was dining with his wife (pictured - yay!), was there to save his life.

[Gonzalez said,] “The whole restaurant was quiet. Nobody was doing anything. Then I saw he was turning blue. Everybody in the restaurant was just kind of sitting there wide-eyed.”

The 6-foot-5 Gonzalez, about a foot taller than Hunter, jumped out of his chair and came up behind the stricken man and began to perform the Heimlich maneuver.

Diana Martin, a restaurant employee, said no one else seemed to know what to do. “He was so lucky Tony was there,” Martin said. “In a situation like that, every second counts. It helped a lot that Tony’s a big, strong guy because you have to be able to apply some pretty good pressure. I don’t think I would have been strong enough to help him.”

Let's not get carried away here.  He didn't save anyone from a burning building or land a jumbo jet or disable a ticking bomb.  It's the fucking Heimlich maneuver.  It's about as heroic as squashing a bug for a girl.  Why, the other day I said "Hey watch out" and kept a stranger from walking into the street when a car was driving past.  Do I get a medal or what?

Chiefs tight end Tony Gonzalez is easily the best athlete playing the role of pilot since Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.  Here he is in A.I. Assault, a SciFi Channel movie about killer military robots that go haywire and start killing people.  I assume this is what's called a "predictive documentary." 

And yeah, that's Mr. Sulu, right at home in the cockpit with Tony.  I'm sure there was some kind of deal in place: Tony wanted an acting gig, Mr. Sulu wanted a scene with a muscular man.  That's how business gets done in Hollywood, baby.

[Half-Black Charisma; HT: Deadspin] 

Thanks to handsome HG over at You Been Blinded for tipping me on this MAXIM interview with Kansas City Chiefs' Tony Gonzalez who lets us know he doesn't like to see Lincoln's head when inserts a penny into his dates:

Yeah, girls who are leaking oil are a real turn-off. -KD

Over the last month or two I've been getting emails from sports nerds telling me about the erections their tiny penises mustered for two of the wives of Kansas City Chiefs featured on that show about the Kansas City Chiefs, Whatsitcalled.  I would have watched, but, y'know, it's about the Kansas City Chiefs.

Anyway, the chick on the left is Kelli Croyle (wife of QB Brodie) and the other is October Gonzalez (married to tight end Tony).  You can vote for whomever you think is hotter over at Arrowhead Addict, which seems like a good use of your time today, if you've already masturbated to cheerleaders and re-calculated the VORP of all your fantasy players.  Just be sure to pick Mother up after her bridge game on time; you know how she hates it when you're late.