As toned and tan reader John pointed out, today's Page Six has a little nugget from the exciting world of children's book publishing:

WE HEAR… THAT Simon & Schuster's children's imprint has inked Indianapolis Colts head coach Tony Dungy to write a picture book for kids about a class clown who finds inspiration to follow his dreams.

Being an outstanding NFL coach pretty much guarantees that you've been a super-organized Type A asshole your entire life, so I don't know what the hell Tony Dungy thinks he knows about being a class clown.  Finding inspiration?  Following dreams?  When you're the class clown, inspiration is fart noises and following your dreams is making fart noises. 

But something tells me the inspiration for this story has a lot more to do with Jesus than with fart noises.  Which is another hole in the story.  No class clown would ever give up fart noises for Christ's eternal love.  I'm sorry, but fart noises are just too funny.

For all the Colts fans/book lovers out there.  Both of you.

Tony Dungy's book, Quiet Strength, will debut on the New York Times Bestsellers list on July 29 as #2 on the hardcover, nonfiction list. (The book was #35 on USA Today's "Top 150" list for July 19 and is #4 on this week's hardcover, nonfiction list in Publisher Weekly.) Written with Nathan Whitaker, the 2007 Super Bowl winning coach's book was released by Tyndale House on July 10, 2007 with a nine-day coast-to-coast media tour, plus a return visit to New York City where Dungy appeared [July 24] on CBS-TV's "The Late Show with David Letterman."

Quiet Strength, huh?  I guess someone already wrote "Winning the Super Bowl and Crusading Against Gay Rights for Dummies."  No, I'm just kidding.  I'm really happy for Tony.  It must have been hard to write a book.  It's so much effort to sit down and talk to someone, then make sure that that person got everything right after they sit down and type it all out.  I really respect that.

Ooh!  And a foreword by Denzel Washington!  I love his writing.  Maybe he had someone else do it for him, too. 

Time Magazine named Indianapolis Colts coach/homophobe Tony Dungy to its annual list of the 100 most influential people in the world, while heavy hitters like President George Bush and Will Leitch were passed over.

The listing, in its fourth edition, is divided into five sections: leaders and revolutionaries, builders and titans, artists and entertainers, scientists and thinkers, and heroes and icons.

It's pretty much the most random and incomprehensible list ever assembled.  How exactly Chien-Ming Wang made the list as a "hero" will remain shrouded in mystery.  Meanwhile, the scandal surrounding the exclusion of a "perpetual sex machine" category solely to snub yours truly will forever mar the legitimacy of this year's list.

Other figures from the world of sports: Thierry Henry, Roger Federer, and (kinda sport-y) Garry Kasparov.  So, those three, Tony Dungy, and Wang: the five most influential people in sports.  In the world.  Yup.

In a story that was widely reported before it ever happened, Tony Dungy finally spoke at the Indiana Family Institute's banquet last night. In case you've forgotten, the IFI supports a constitutional amendment that "defines marriage as between one man and one woman." That's right; they don't just hate the idea of gay marriage — they're pretty sure that the founding fathers fucked up by not including it in the Constitution over 200 years ago.

The coach said his comments shouldn't be taken as gay bashing, but rather his views on the matter as he sees them from a perspective of faith. "We're not anti- anything else. We're not trying to downgrade anyone else. But we're trying to promote the family — family values the Lord's way," Dungy said.

What a fucking pussy. I hate it when people try to to mask their homophobia behind a veneer of politicized mumbo jumbo: "I'm not demeaning gays; I'm just on God's side in believing they don't deserve equal rights."

But hey, he won a Super Bowl. That entitles him to carte blanche and praise from Peter King, right? What are the poofs gonna do? Use their limp wrists to hold up signs of protest? Pshaw. Not in Indiana they aren't. 

For those of you still undecided about whom to root for in the Super Bowl, you can now factor Tony Dungy's homophobia into the equation. Yes, as has been noted elsewhere, Dungy will be honored at a benefit hosted by the Indiana Family Institute, which is on the record for hating the "expanding homosexual agenda" in Indiana.

This story carries the stink politics, so I'm going to withhold my opinion. Besides, I'm adamantly opposed to judging anyone on this site. That would be wrong. But I can't help but feel that Dungy REALLY doesn't like the look that Brian Urlacher gives Peyton Manning in this old MasterCard video that MJD found.

(p.s. Is there another dork in the NFL who could pull off the "hand clap with double finger-point" more believably than Peyton? I say no.)