People tend to play less attention to you when you’re 0-6. Tennessee Titans coach Jeff Fisher, who has held his job as head coach longer than any other in the league, recently appeared at Lipscomb’s Allen Arena to introduce former Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy for some benefit thinger. So you can imagine everyone’s surprise when Fish pulled off his shirt to reveal a Peyton Manning jersey.
“I just wanted to feel like a winner,” Fisher joked as the crowd erupted in applause and laughter.
Asked about Fisher’s unorthodox introduction, Dungy said, “He made me feel right at home. Jeff is always the master of the unusual. That was quite a surprise but something only he would do. But just being here, and coming out and supporting this even with the team being 0-6, just to come out and be supportive, that’s who Jeff Fisher is. That’s why he is special.” –Nashville City Paper.
I’ve never thought of a Peyton Manning jersey as a pick-me-up, but I guess it’s better than putting on women’s lingerie with heels and wandering out to the Meatpacking District. I always thought that “meatpacking district” was a euphemism. Maybe it should be. Thanks, Mike [for the imgs] and Walker.
New NFLPA executive director DeMaurice Smith has asked Tony Dungy to serve as a liason between the players and the league, proving once again that you can always get a job if you have a strong work ethic and hate gays.
Dungy confirmed to ESPN senior NFL analyst Chris Mortensen that he has been approached by Smith and is interested in the position. Dungy said that Smith informed him that he would be in touch shortly to better define the job.
“It’s certainly something that’s close to my heart, having been associated with the NFL for so long,” Dungy said.
Dungy’s role would seem to be involved in dealing with “player issues,” which seems to be somewhere between Gabe Kaplan’s character in Welcome Back Kotter and Ice T’s role in Law & Order, Special Victims Unit. Tony Dungy will be the beacon of light that has all 1,600 or so NFL players abstaining from sex before marriage, going to church, and driving only moderately extravagant vehicles. But what about whores? Even a devout Christian like Dungy needs a juicy whore once in a while. Of course he probably refers to it as “Bowling Night.” Which is great, because actual bowling blows.
For those of you New Yorkers not going to the Steinberg-Magary-Bissinger toolfest tonight, I’d like to recommend a much nobler cause than getting drunk and hoping for angry outbursts from Pulitzer winners: the Doodle for Hunger charity auction benefiting Capuchin Food Pantries.
As you can see from the above selection of works by famous athletes, this may be your only chance to own a shitty drawing of a stick figure playing football. Unless you know a five-year-old. And, although it wasn’t unveiled at Capuchin’s website, there will also be a masterpiece from Eli Manning (see final item).
For next year’s show, I’d like to nominate Brady Quinn and Michael Strahan. Just because there’s something really enjoyable about seeing pro athletes being absolutely terrible at something. Well, terrible at something besides wearing condoms.
As toned and tan reader John pointed out, today's Page Six has a little nugget from the exciting world of children's book publishing:
WE HEAR… THAT Simon & Schuster's children's imprint has inked Indianapolis Colts head coach Tony Dungy to write a picture book for kids about a class clown who finds inspiration to follow his dreams.
Being an outstanding NFL coach pretty much guarantees that you've been a super-organized Type A asshole your entire life, so I don't know what the hell Tony Dungy thinks he knows about being a class clown. Finding inspiration? Following dreams? When you're the class clown, inspiration is fart noises and following your dreams is making fart noises.
But something tells me the inspiration for this story has a lot more to do with Jesus than with fart noises. Which is another hole in the story. No class clown would ever give up fart noises for Christ's eternal love. I'm sorry, but fart noises are just too funny.
For all the Colts fans/book lovers out there. Both of you.
Tony Dungy's book, Quiet Strength, will debut on the New York Times Bestsellers list on July 29 as #2 on the hardcover, nonfiction list. (The book was #35 on USA Today's "Top 150" list for July 19 and is #4 on this week's hardcover, nonfiction list in Publisher Weekly.) Written with Nathan Whitaker, the 2007 Super Bowl winning coach's book was released by Tyndale House on July 10, 2007 with a nine-day coast-to-coast media tour, plus a return visit to New York City where Dungy appeared [July 24] on CBS-TV's "The Late Show with David Letterman."
Quiet Strength, huh? I guess someone already wrote "Winning the Super Bowl and Crusading Against Gay Rights for Dummies." No, I'm just kidding. I'm really happy for Tony. It must have been hard to write a book. It's so much effort to sit down and talk to someone, then make sure that that person got everything right after they sit down and type it all out. I really respect that.
Ooh! And a foreword by Denzel Washington! I love his writing. Maybe he had someone else do it for him, too.
Time Magazine named Indianapolis Colts coach/homophobe Tony Dungy to its annual list of the 100 most influential people in the world, while heavy hitters like President George Bush and Will Leitch were passed over.
The listing, in its fourth edition, is divided into five sections: leaders and revolutionaries, builders and titans, artists and entertainers, scientists and thinkers, and heroes and icons.
It's pretty much the most random and incomprehensible list ever assembled. How exactly Chien-Ming Wang made the list as a "hero" will remain shrouded in mystery. Meanwhile, the scandal surrounding the exclusion of a "perpetual sex machine" category solely to snub yours truly will forever mar the legitimacy of this year's list.
Other figures from the world of sports: Thierry Henry, Roger Federer, and (kinda sport-y) Garry Kasparov. So, those three, Tony Dungy, and Wang: the five most influential people in sports. In the world. Yup.
