Hey, I guess they’re right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. That purpose? Showing the young whippersnappers how it is done on the hallowed grounds of Augusta National Golf Club. In 1492, when Ponce de León sailed the ocean blue, after landing at Plymouth Rock, he should have hopped in his SUV, got on I-95 and made his way south to Augusta, because it is possible the Fountain of Youth is located somewhere in Amen Corner.

Sixty-year-old Tom Watson and fifty-year-old Freddy Couples each turned back the clock yesterday at the Masters, with both posting their best scores ever at the major. Watson shot a 67, and Couples, wearing tennis shoes with no socks, fired a 66, good enough for sole possession of first place heading into the second round today. The guy who has moved on to dominate the Champions Tour has a long way to go before Sunday, but feels like he could win it.

“Yeah, to win Augusta at age 50 would be a pipe dream,” Couples said yesterday. “Can I still win? Of course. It would be a nice dream, but I’ve got a lot of golf left before I’m even in contention (on Sunday). I’m not surprised, but I’m thrilled. I thought I could come here and play well.” -New York Post.

God, I love pipe dreams. Wait, that doesn’t sound right.

Couples and Watson weren’t the only old codgers attracting attention yesterday, as 70 80-year-old Arnold Palmer and 60 70-year-old Jack Nickalus got the tournament kicked off as ceremonial starters, and it is sad to admit that their backswings, even at their advanced ages, are still way more fluid than mine. But at the same time, I’m kind of a duffer.

So, in the end, age, wisdom, experience and incontinence won out during the first round of the Masters.

That Tiger guy? Yeah, he did a’ight, too. Good for him.

Why is it so acceptable to bash championship teams, the quasi-dynastic programs with their perceived arrogant fanbases and athletes that seem to catch every break in life, but nobody seems to give similar treatment to Tiger Woods, who wins everything?

I once heard in a Golf Channel commercial that golf “is pure theatre.” And that’s true in a lot of ways, for a lot of sports, but golf most especially. We see golfers individually, competing not against one another, but against nature, and sometimes against themselves. It’s not unusual to refer to Tom Watson’s 76 holes at Turnberry as a “performance,” or to say that Stewart Cink was “putting on a show” with his impressive putting on Sunday. Those terms work as descriptors of the game quite naturally.

So I guess it shouldn’t irritate me that golf’s pundits start each Saturday, as Golf Digest’s Dan Jenkins did, by evaluating the level of prestige of the names occupying the leaderboard for that week’s tournament. Only in golf do the writers complain when the players playing well aren’t among the more familiar names of the game. The unsung hero in golf seems to be persona non grata, unless he happens to be chasing the Yes, Tiger Woods missing the cut was a big deal, but some of the coverage suggested that the Royal & Ancient should just pack up the tee markers and cancel the tournament. And this was the British Open.

Bad Leaderboard Syndrome is a very real thing. Its symptoms include shrinkage of television viewership, complacency of casual fans, and eventual forfeiture of sponsorship dollars. The LPGA, with its Korean progeny and inability to capture the attention of the sporting public, is suffering badly from BLS, so much that they staged a coup and ousted their commissioner. Yes, a change at the top was required, but not at the administrative level.

Tom Watson didn’t choke as much as he succumbed yesterday. To the angry Scottish winds. To fatigue. And maybe even to his own imagination. Surely a man in his sixties couldn’t win one of golf’s most storied titles. But he could have. But carrying the weight of the field on his back for four days, and arguably, the entire sport, proved too hefty a burden to bear. Watson’s struggle was good viewing, even if we didn’t get the happy ending for which we were hoping.

And that’s why we love Tiger Woods. Woods doesn’t get the front-runners’ grief that the Lakers, Patriots, or Yankees (or their fans) might receive. Because Tiger Woods isn’t Tom Brady or Derek Jeter. He’s Denzel. He’s Sylvester Stallone, directing himself. He’s Frodo marching to Mordor, with The Ring in tow. Tiger gives us the happy ending for which we clamor. It’s unique to his game. That red shirt trotting out on Sunday is like a curtain rising, and you’d better be in your seat, because that’s a show that nobody wants to miss.

ASYLUM POLL: Which was the biggest choke job in sports history?

Tom Watson’s magical run at the British Open came to a disappointing close today, as the 59-year-old gave away his lead on the 72nd hole and succumbed to Stewart Chink Cink in a four-hole playoff at Turnberry.  But that doesn’t scratch the surface of how sad it was to watch the collapse.  Watson needed to make a relatively short par putt on the final hole in order become the oldest player to win a major championship, but he muffed it and finished the day at -2 with Cink, who notched four birdies on the back nine to close the gap, including a clutch putt on 18.

And then the playoff.  Yikes.  Watson suddenly became allergic to the fairways, bogeying #5, saving par on 6 thanks to a miracle blind chip into the sun, then double-bogeying 17 after two shots in the rough.  Cink, meanwhile, birdied two of the first three holes, making 18 all but irrelevant.

So the Claret Jug goes to Cink, while sports fans and the AARP get a weathered, time-worn frowny face.  But cheers to Watson just the same — it was nice to root for someone besides Tiger Woods for once.

Your workday sports-watching appetite might be satisfied with Tiger Woods chasing his fourth Claret Jug in the British Open, which started today. With tee-times as early as 6 AM Eastern today, many players have already finished their rounds, including 59-year-old Tom Watson, whose 65 this morning has set the pace for the field; he leads at 5 under par. Tiger Woods is six shots back at 1 over par, and naturally everyone’s flipping out. The British is one of the goofiest majors for the PGA Tour pros, because the courses are so different aesthetically and the weather is so unpredictable. It’s why we usually see previous unknowns win.

“The body’s a little bit old, but the enthusiasm out there was very similar,” Watson said, still grinning after his round. “What a wonderful day to play.”

“The course is defenseless,” Watson said. “The wind will pick up tomorrow. She’ll have some teeth. I’m looking forward to that.” [via]

You can watch the tournament on your personal computing device, thanks to these guys. Your leaderboard is here. The last group tees off at 11:21 AM Eastern time, so if you don’t feel like working today, you’re all set. And if you’ve been reading this site at work for any period of time and you still have a job, you owe it to yourself to start pushing the envelope.