It's grainy because it's so scandalous.

When I saw a bunch of people Tweeting about New York Giants punter Steve Weatherford this morning, my first thought was, “Sloooooooooooow news day.” Or maybe he was abducted by intergalactic talking raccoons, in which case, awesome! And now that I know why people are buzzing about him, I think he’d probably prefer that some spaceships came and scooped him up.

It turns out that Weatherford Tweeted a video of his teammate Jason Pierre-Paul taking part in a little rookie hazing of Prince Amukamara, as he threw him in a tub of ice water after Saturday’s preseason game. And then the angels opened up the fiery gates of Hell and all overreaction broke loose. Yes, my friends, it’s true – NFL players haze rookies. Go ahead and turn off the planet, nothing is sacred anymore.

What do you have to say for yourself, punter?

“I want to apologize to the fans,” Weatherford said on Twitter. “The video I posted was distasteful. Our team is a family, and we love each other. I am sorry to the fans.” (Via The Victory Formation)

I can understand if people are upset about this kind of roughhousing because Amukamara could have been hurt. Otherwise, what’s the big deal? Dudes f*ck with each other. Hell, I’ll give JPP credit for doing something this tame, when we still see teammates in every sport resorting to homophobic tactics like dressing their teammates up as fairies or shaving dicks in their hair. But then, I’m an optimist and I’ll always be the first to say: “Bro, it could be worse.”

Alas, we’re in full damage control mode now.

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Look at those New York Jets with their head coach Rex Ryan, having fun, trash talking, winning games and doing cool stuff. Normally, teams wouldn’t get very far with the kind of distractions the Jets have dealt with this season, but they’ve made it all the way to the AFC championship, playing against the Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday night. It’s like a frat house in that place, but there’s no sodomy involved to become a brother!

Antrel Rolle, however, from the other New York team (the one that didn’t make it to the playoffs) sort of wishes his coach was a little more like Ryan. I’m pretty sure he wasn’t talking about physical appearances, Tom Coughlin, so put down the weight gain supplements.
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A couple of days ago, I wrote about Brandon Jacobs yelling at some people while he was putting his locker’s items into a garbage bag, as the season for the New York Giants ended without a playoff appearance. Well, I’m no family studies major, but I can see where Jacobs picks up that foul language: Tom Coughlin, his head coach.

Wash his mouth out with soap, NY Daily News:

When the Giants’ season was over, Tom Coughlin insisted that even though his team didn’t make the playoffs, his players should be happy with a 10-win year.

And for those people who aren’t satisfied with that? Coughlin had a message for them, too.

In a postgame speech aimed directly at the heart – or at least the lips – of his critics, Coughlin told his players that anyone not impressed with a 10-6 season “can line up and kiss my a–.” He delivered those remarks in the visitors’ locker room at FedEx Field on Sunday just after the Giants beat the Washington Redskins, 17-14.

“Outstanding. Outstanding finish to the ballgame,” Coughlin said in the speech, which was captured by cameras and aired on Showtime’s “Inside the NFL.” “We did our part, OK? That’s all I can ask you to do. Hey, from the bottom of my heart and everybody’s, we have a 10-6 season. A 10-win season in the NFL, OK? They can kiss my a–, OK? They can line up and kiss my a–. It’s not an easy thing to do.”

An unidentified player then yelled, “Can we quote you on that, Coach?”

That unidentified player turned out to be Mike Lupica standing on the shoulders of one of his friends, filling up a Giants uniform so he could find more stuff to be outraged about in his next column.

There’s no real urgent reason for this post, but it’s always fun to hear people swear, and even more fun when they’re famous people, especially a crazy old coot like Coughlin. I wonder how often he says “dagnabbit” or “tarnations.” He’s like a less family-friendly Yosemite Sam!

Disclaimer: I take no responsibility if you waste an hour looking up old Looney Tunes clips on Youtube like I did.

There’s video of it below, and as a final note, no thank you, Mr. Coughlin. I will not kiss your ass. That’s Mrs. Coughlin’s job to do. I hear she adds a little tongue as well.

(rimjob shot)
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Giants coach Tom Coughlin has had a busy summer.  You know how training camp goes: trying to get your Super Bowl champs in shape, non-stop two-a-days and film study, cajoling players, receiving blackmail threats– wait, what?  From the FBI affidavit via the Wall Street Journal's Law Blog:

On or about July 30, 2008, Coughlin… received a letter via U.S. mail that had been mailed from Philadelphia, purportedly from two females identified as “ND” and “AB” who were claiming to have had sexual relations with Mr. Coughlin while he was in Philadelphia with the team during December 2007. The letter threatened that “ND” and “AB” would share this information with Mr. Coughlin’s wife and family unless he paid them $10,000-$15,000 each. The letter gave Mr. Coughlin until August 6, 2008 to make the payment or they would make his life “a living hell by doing something to [his] family.”

The FBI conducted interviews with ND and AB, who identified the handwriting in the letters as that of a disgruntled former co-worker.  Wait a second.  There are blackmailers who still write things out by hand?  Whatever happened to cutting individual letters out of magazines?  C'mon, put some effort into it.  Earn that $15,000.

Giants coach Tom Coughlin has long been rumored to be unpopular with his players.  Of course, winning games will wash over personal animosities, but the Giants' disappointing first-round playoff exits have't exactly been confidence-builders, especially when the regular seasons are marred by 4th quarter meltdowns and mental mistakes (the very things hardass coaches supposedly eliminate).  Basically, it's a mystery how he still has a job. 

And now this: if the Giants had fired Coughlin last season, they might still have Tiki Barber on the roster.

"If Tom Coughlin had not remained as head coach of the Giants, I might still be in a Giants uniform," Barber wrote in his upcoming book "Tiki: My Life in the Game and Beyond," excerpts of which were obtained by the Daily News.

"[Coughlin] robbed me of what had been one of the most important things I had in my life, which was the joy I felt playing football… I had lost that. He had taken it away."

Well, this should be a fun story to follow: Incompetent Dickhead versus Chicken-Hearted Spotlight Hog — WHO YA GOT!?!?  Call it a hunch, but I think the Sunday Night Football crew may have Tiki's back.

[Nation of Islam Sportsblog] 

For once it's not just the tabloids beating up on the Giants. After that epic collapse to the Titans, everyone's dissecting just how fucked Tom Coughlin is and how much Eli Manning sucks.

Long-winded egghead Gregg Eaterbrook spent seemingly half of his 9000-word TMQ column on Coughlin's failures (the other half was about astronomy and physics), and a high-ranking Giants official says that the oft-second-guessed Coughlin now faces a team mutiny, which I think we can all agree would be pretty awesome, especially if it ends with Coughlin hanging from the yardarm and Jeremy Shockey wearing a Motorola headset, brow furrowed as he reads a laminated play card upside-down.

The nail in the coffin is the New York Times's examination of the team's body language. It had two experts, Tonya Reiman and Maxine Lucille Fiel, watch tape of the G-Men Sunday in Tennessee.

“Even when they were winning, their body language wasn’t all that good,” Reiman said. “They seem to have a defeatist attitude. You see disagreement and restrained anger… It was such a lack of effort, a lack of spirit. I didn’t understand it.”

So what can the Giants do to save their season? According to Fiel,

“They need to get that other No. 10, that guy from Tennessee — Young… He’s so joyous, so joyful. You can feel his joy just watching him. He has so much energy. He’s like a dancer. Maybe he can inspire the Giants.”

Sounds like it should be pretty easy. All the Giants need to do is go back in time and draft Young. Or maybe Philip Rivers. Whatever the case, time travel is the solution. Just like always.