‘Call Me Brady’ Is The Song Of The NFL Summer

05.17.12 Written by Brandon

call-me-brady-parodyThanks to an endorsement from Justin Bieber and a catchy hook straight out of Disney Channel primetime, ‘Canadian Idol’ third place finalist Carly Rae Jepsen has the “song of the summer” with Call Me Maybe. At the time of this posting, the video (featuring Carly being in love with her emo fitness model neighbor until he stops doing chores and tries to surprise buttsex a guy in her band) has almost 64 million views. And because in 2012 “you being famous” means “everyone who likes you also has to be famous”, YouTube has gotten clogged with at least 128 million Call Me Maybe covers and parodies.

This one comes to us from Zack Murray of North Andover, Massachusetts, a well-meaning kid with rosy cheeks and New England Patriots curtains. His version — “Call Me Brady”, about Pats QB Tom Brady and sadly neither Greg or Peter — is full of number identification and concerned eyebrows, but it’s just earnest (and thorough) enough to work. It’s one of those things you find that’s bound to go viral. And hey, bad signing or not it sounds like Steve f**king Wonder compared to the Texas Rangers Train people.

Maybe Bieber will give him a record contract, put him in videos with racially-indeterminate teen girls and market him to those 12-to-38-year-olds who can’t get enough of Ron Weasley.

[via Beantown Banter]

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LeBron, Tiger Woods Place High On Depressing Forbes Celebrity Power List

05.16.12 Written by Brandon

Forbes magazine today released their annual The World’s Most Powerful Celebrities, a top 100 list that ranks stars based on press coverage, social media buzz and whose agents paid Forbes the most money to put them on a list. At the top of this year’s 100: Jennifer Lopez, who was settling nicely into obscurity as that lady on Eric Cartman’s hand in an old episode of ‘South Park’ before ‘American Idol’ rocketed her back to prominence. Former American Idol winner Taylor Hicks also made the list, coming in at number 4,544,022 between Burnsy and the golden voiced homeless guy.

Tiger Woods managed to hang on as this year’s highest ranking sports celebrity, coming it at number 12. The only other sports guy in the top 25 was LeBron James at number 15, despite Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal coming it at numbers 2 and 3 in “Press Rank” behind Lady Gaga. I don’t know how much of this list is based on math and how much of it is based on people at Forbes trying to name 100 celebrities, so bear with me.

Here’s a full list of the sports personalities who ranked this year:

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Tom Brady Has A New Haircut

05.08.12 Written by Burnsy

The annual Met Gala, supporting the Metropolitan Museum of Art, was held last night in New York City, and New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady was one of a few big name athletes in attendance and he brought his new haircut with him. Pictured above, Brady has apparently entered the French model phase of his career with this “I look like I was applying heavy hold gel in the car and the driver took a sharp left turn” look.

But I suppose there’s really no point in making fun of one of the best quarterbacks of all-time for hitting up an event that people pay as much as $250,000 to attend. Especially when he attended with his soon-to-be-billionaire supermodel wife, Gisele.

Also in attendance was New York Jets utility athlete Tim Tebow, who went with the classic “What’s up, bros?” black tux and stubble look.

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Brooklyn Decker Takes Off Her Clothes For GQ, Would Totally Do Gisele

04.19.12 Written by Brandon

Brooklyn Decker has made a smooth transition from model to movie star with her roles as the object of Adam Sandler’s bikini’d affection in Just Go With It and as Lieutenant Commander Whoever in the upcoming blockbuster Battleship, but we’ll always remember her as the wife of tennis star Andy Roddick and as the lady from the cover of the 2010 Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. Why? Because we’re a sports blog, and if we remember her like that we get to keep writing about her.

It is in that spirit that we present to you Brooklyn’s latest Battleship-promoting photoshoot for GQ. You’d think Brooklyn Decker in wet underwear would be the highlight (and it probably is), but don’t miss out on this paragraph from the interview where she reveals that she’d have sex with Gisele Bündchen.

wha wha whaaat

For instance, there’s her long, spirited defense of Gisele Bündchen for her ungracious post–Super Bowl, mama-grizzly remarks about Tom Brady’s teammates (Bündchen was caught on-camera fuming, “My husband cannot f**king throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time”), which Decker wraps up by admitting her Bündchen bias: “I have a top-five list, and Gisele is my number one. So she can do no wrong in my eyes.” Hold on—what kind of list is this, exactly? “Well, everyone has a top-five list of their biggest crushes, you know?” says Decker. “Usually, it’s guys on my list, but Gisele is just so perfect in every way.”

Two videos from the shoot follow, if you read that and your brain didn’t reboot. And be sure to check out the rest of the photos at GQ.

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Live From New York! It’s Herp A Derp Derp!

04.16.12 Written by Burnsy

If you had a chance to catch Saturday Night Live this weekend, then I’m sure you noticed the Jay Z parody sketch that would have been funny 3 years ago same cutting edge humor that New York’s finest always deliver. Tucked away in the first hour of this week’s show was the host card for the next episode on May 5, and the honor of awkwardly attempting to deliver Gilly sketch lines from a cue card is New York Giants quarterback and Super Bowl MVP Eli Manning. It’s like a gift from the gods of unintentional comedy.

Back in February, we mentioned that Green Bay Packers QB and guy I’d like to be best friends with Aaron Rodgers was in consideration for hosting duties, but apparently the Discount Double Check is just too fresh in our minds to parody right now. Instead, the SNL writing team can work with seasoned material like Manning’s proud daddy or how he helped win Super Bowl XLII.

Eli will, of course, be held to the standard set by his big brother Peyton Manning, who delivered undoubtedly the best hosting performance by an athlete in the show’s history. And that praise only comes for one reason – the United Way sketch.

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Please Don’t Mess This Up, Saturday Night Live

02.09.12 Written by Burnsy

Fran Tarkenton. Joe Montana. Peyton Manning. Tom Brady. Three of these quarterbacks have won Super Bowls, but they’re all considered elite. Much much less importantly, they are also the only NFL quarterbacks to ever host Saturday Night Live. Now, though, they may open the doors to one more, as Aaron Rodgers is rumored to be under heavy consideration.

Rodgers apparently met some of the current cast members during the week of festivities for Super Bowl XLVI in Indianapolis, and it doesn’t take a genius to realize true charisma, whether it’s offering valuable pre-game analysis or waking up next to Miss March. Rodgers has got it, I tells ya.

Rodgers has mentioned that possibility several times on his ESPN 540 radio show in Milwaukee, and Tuesday he said he met a couple cast members last weekend in Indianapolis, where he worked as part of NBC’s pregame show. “I’m hopeful that we can figure something out there,” Rodgers said. (Via ESPN)

Of course, charisma means nothing if it’s not used properly, so that of course puts pressure on the show’s writers. And anyone who has seen the show as of late knows that they’re not exactly channeling Tolstoy.

Also, those QBs I mentioned before may be legends, but they all also sucked on SNL. In fact, the lone bright moment is still Manning’s United Way commercial.

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