One of the reasons that social media sucks is because people think that their friends actually want to see pictures of their kids. Sites like Facebook and Twitter were actually created as platforms for people to post pictures and videos of animals dressed as humans; however, they’ve been largely hijacked by people with stupid, smelly children that give nothing back to society. Those kids need to get off their asses, learn how to speak (English preferably), go outside and GET JOBS.

But some parents actually make their dumb, booger children enjoyable, and one of those parents is UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Jon “Bones” Jones. Jones became a father for the third time, as his daughter Olivia was born yesterday morning. Naturally, Jones Tweeted through most of the ordeal, as his significant other, Jessie Moses*, popped out their third daughter in one push.

According to Jones, in the most Jon Jones way imaginable, little Olivia is doing just fine.

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As if Aremenian boy barfight MMA wasn’t bad enough, today’s big mainstream news story tackles the next step down on the boyfighting evolutionary ladder … three awful, awful Delaware women were arrested and charged with assault, reckless endangerment, endangering the welfare of a child and conspiracy for organizing what is more or less a toddler fight club. No, seriously. They lined up kids at day care, made them punch each other and taped it with their cell phones.

Here’s the report from CNN, which Nancy Grace has been masturbating to since yesterday afternoon.

Authorities have not released the video but say one day care worker said “No pinching, only punching” after one of the boys complained that the other had pinched him.

The video purportedly shows seven other children seated in the room with their backs to the fighting, according to police.

“It’s not like they didn’t know what was going on, and they were just encouraging them to continue,” [Dover Police Captain] Stump said. “One of the children attempted to run, but one of the teachers pushes him back into the fray.

I don’t know if it’s the rise of Tyler Durden, an increased awareness of dogfighting or too many Pokémon games, but apparently we have to make everything fight everything else now. One of the creepiest parts of the story is that the women made the other kids line up with their backs to the fighting and wait their turn, which is either the most gladiatorial or Blair Witch Project thing I’ve ever heard.

A Division Of Family Services spokesperson says the women “could be prohibited from working in the public sector, especially with children or senior citizens”, because I guess “make them fight each other on camera and then shoot them all into the sun” isn’t something the Division Of Family Services can organize.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, the only people who’d be more interested in this than Nancy Grace (Taiwan’s Next Media Animation) have already whipped up a piece about the story. Yes, it contains bloody, slow-motion uppercuts.

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