In the worst nickname-on-the-back-of-football-jerseys news since He Hate Me revealed that He Actually Fairly Indifferent Toward Me, New England Patriots wide receiver Chad Ochocinco, the man who wanted his nick on his back so badly he pulled an Ultimate Warrior and legally changed his name, will become Chad Johnson again soon.

The news comes via his Twitter account @Ochocinco:

Of course, the tweet before that reads, “A thug is being able to drive a Prius smoking a cigar getting a girls hair full of cigar smoke listening to Little River Band ‘Reminiscing’” so take that news with a grain of salt.

It’s a good call, though. On a day when the Patriots rendered one of their wide-outs the least important person in professional sports by resigning Tiquan Underwood three days after releasing him so he couldn’t play in the Super Bowl, putting “Johnson” on your back instead of an incorrect spelling of your number in Spanish is smart. Best case scenario, they’ll think you’re someone else and let you play a few more years.

Somewhere Terrell Owens is trying to get his name changed to Terry Teeoh.

As we’ve already discussed, the week of Super Bowl XLVI has already started off with the standard, lazy storylines of guarantees and misconstrued words, with Tom Brady and Antrel Rolle providing the cannon fodder for the media thus far. Of course, we’ve also been treated to the rematch hype and David Tyree’s catch, as expected, but I’ve really been hoping that we could really stretch the limit of what is qualified as sports news this week.

Oh thank God, Tiquan Underwood got a haircut.

As a backup who has only three receptions this season, Underwood doesn’t get much notice, even with his skyscraper hairstyle.

But now that he’s going to the Super Bowl maybe he can attract some attention on Media Day with the artistry that has been added to his coiffure. (Via USA Today)

I get the idea that a wide receiver who was drafted in the 7th round and spent time being bounced between teams and practice squads might relish a little attention this week, seeing as he was released by his current team back in November and re-signed because of lack of depth.

But when I Googled “Super Bowl media day”, the Top 5 results were about things don’t matter worth a poop. Everything is about the goofy people (more on them just a little later), Ochocinco reveling in his first Media Day (that he worked so hard for), Peyton Manning’s future and Underwood’s hair. So if I were running News Corp, what kind of story would I want to see?

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