The University of Connecticut’s athletics department decided that it was time for a change when it came to the school’s worn out sports logo that had been in use since the Paleolithic Era known as 2002. And new logos are always great news, because they mean new merchandise and more money, as us sucker fans just slap the plastic down on the counter and shout, “GIVE ME NEW SH*T, A-HOLES!” at the local bookstore so we can look cool beans when the new season begins.

As for UCONN’s new look, it’s that mean-looking husky above, with that look that says, “Hey, take our sports seriously or else!” Don’t take my word for it, either. Listen to UCONN’s Big Daddy Swagger himself, Geno Auriemma, who is hot off of winning his 8th NCAA Women’s Basketball Championship.

Head women’s basketball coach Geno Auriemma says he is eager to see the new look on his student-athletes.

“This logo is everything that a Husky is supposed to be – powerful, aggressive, determined,” he says. “It is looking right through you and saying ‘Do not mess with me.’ This is a streamlined, fighting dog, and I cannot wait for it to be on our uniforms and court.” (Via UCONN Today)

Adding, “It has zip, zorp and zazz!”

But while looking at the evolution of UCONN’s logo, I couldn’t help but notice something very interesting.

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On Friday, I wrote about how ABC News used ‘Twin Peaks’ character Laura Palmer as an example of the dangers of cheerleading (she was murdered, wrapped in plastic and dumped in a river … but, you know, on television). I thought that was going to be the last time I saw modern sports tied into 90s pop culture, but now we’re doing it in reverse.

Amy Heckerling’s seminal 1995 comedy Clueless was on TV this weekend, and my good friend and Tampa Bay Rays fan Lex Lybrand (of directing me in a feature film fame) noticed something weird. Near the end of the film, when Alicia Silverstone’s Cher and the late Brittany Murphy’s Tai are making up and settling in to watch Breckin Meyer do some l33t 90s skateboarding, Tai is wearing a what appears to be a Tampa Bay Rays polo. In their current colors. No, seriously, look at it.

The problem with that is that the Rays didn’t exist in 1995, and didn’t switch to that font or color scheme until 2008. There’s an easy explanation — it’s a coincidence, and the TB could represent anything. I’m not an encyclopedia of mid-90s clothing brands, and they could’ve just whipped up a random fake brand logo for a long-forgotten polo in a throwaway scene. Better theory: Brittany Murphy is a time-traveler, which explains the Rays gear and why the girls in gym class look so much like the Brooklynettes. It’s bat-shit, sure, but at least in this theory, Brittany Murphy wouldn’t be dead. She’d just be in the future.

Further evidence (and more 1990s Alicia Silverstone) is below.

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For as much as people make fun of Jose Canseco’s sometimes insane ramblings or pathetic attempts at begging Major League GMs to sign him, I do have a soft spot for the guy’s sweeter moments. Like, remember when he would talk about his beloved Leila? You know, before he tried to hook up with random girls via Twitter? I always thought that showed a side of the old lug that people needed to see more, so we didn’t always equate him to an insane juicer capable of snapping and rampaging small villages at any moment.

In this week’s Vice column, the eventual Pulitzer winner (hopefully for his shocking exposés on the government) elaborates on a very random – more random than usual – Tweet that he posted the other day:

If you were hoping that Canseco was going to deliver the Flux Capacitor, I have bad news. Time travel, according to Canseco, is possible, but only if your mind is as powerful as his.

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The U.S. Men’s Basketball Team handily defeated France yesterday or the day before or whenever the hell NBC taped it, as Kevin Durant and LeBron James made it look way too easy in a 98-71 victory. France’s bottle-popping point guard Tony Parker led us to believe that his team of baguette-bangers would give the Americans a headache, but with James playing in another universe right now, that doesn’t seem quite possible.

Unfortunately, instead of focusing on simply how well this team is playing – despite a few flaws that shouldn’t really factor into a gold medal victory – we’re still doing it. We’re still having this stupid ass conversation. Could James and the 2012 USA team defeat the 1992 Dream Team that featured the NBA’s greatest legends? The answer is no. Not because the Dream Team was better, but because we cannot manipulate time to get these two teams on the same court at the same time.

But that’s a fact, and facts are stupid when it comes to printing lazy journalism – like, say, suggesting that Michael Phelps used steroids. Hey LeBron, why don’t you tell us about your focus and intensity and how they relate to you being able to throw a missile bounce pass across the court for a perfect assist? Haha, just kidding. Give us some forced rhetoric instead.

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