Earlier this year, there was a considerable deal of buzz around New York Jets backup QB Tim Tebow inking an endorsement deal with the underwear company Jockey, because the world’s most famous virgin doesn’t exactly sound like the perfect candidate for rocking his bulge. But then the ads started flopping out of the fold – like the one above – and we realized that these were newer, more conservative Jockey ads and Tebow wouldn’t be packing heat in print. This naturally made women very angry.

But dried up lady parts aside, Tebow’s endorsement of Jockey is just another chapter in the company’s long, storied history of relationships with professional athletes. And you can even say that it’s a footnote in the grander marriage between what I am told are attractive male athletes and underwear companies in general. For instance, David Beckham has his deal with H&M and Cristiano Ronaldo captures your eyes with his beef pocket for Armani. The point is that athletes have long loved rocking their ding dongs to sell man panties.

And Jockey has done it better than anyone. Well, I guess “better” isn’t the best word. Jockey has done it more than anyone – that’s more accurate. Because the picture that slapped my eyes and teabagged my brain this morning does not qualify as “better”.

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I haven’t been the most devout NBA fan yet in this young season, so I was a little surprised to see that more than a month later, Oklahoma City Thunder fans are still mad at James Harden. In case you forgot – or simply don’t care, because it’s so damn trivial – Harden turned down a contract extension from the Thunder because it was reportedly lower than the max deal that he was seeking. So the Thunder traded Harden to the Houston Rockets in a move that Harden admitted left him baffled and hurt, and he eventually signed his new max deal with the Rockets.

I mean, unless I’m completely missing something, Harden wanted what was best for him – what he has since proven he deserves – and that didn’t match what the Thunder offered, so the team traded him. He didn’t leave. He didn’t demand to be traded. He was just traded. A business decision, as the kids at the playground call it. Yet here we are, staring at a t-shirt that paints Harden into some sort of Dwight Howard villain. The shirt’s not even cool.

Oh well, I’m sure Harden is losing sleep over it.

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I don’t ask for much in this life, other than an ageless super model girlfriend who poops million dollar bills, but if Houston Texans RB Arian Foster could grab me about 160 yards and 4 touchdowns against the Jets’ horrible run defense tonight, that would be groovy like a disco movie.

Monday Night Football: Houston Texans at New York Jets – 8:30 PM ET on ESPN

Tonight marks the 666th edition of Monday Night Football, and of course it involves the New York Jets and Tim Tebow. I’m almost excited to hear how many horrible jokes Chris Berman makes about it in the hours leading up to kickoff. The over under is 12 bad jokes… wait, 12? Like the number of apostles? The end is here! I cast a biblical plague upon your houses!

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With the New York Jets sort of thriving under new offensive coordinator Tony Sparano, the Miami Dolphins’ focus should be on how to stop whatever plays he’s going to throw at them in what will most certainly be a big revenge game for the former Miami coach. But with the Dolphins, the focus is never what it should be, and is instead usually about something ridiculous. In this case, it’s Tim Tebow, the Jets backup QB who has thrown zero footballs in the regular season through two games.

In particular, the focus is apparently on his fame and the bitterness it can cause among athletes who don’t get as much media attention as the former Heisman Trophy winner. Today’s sour grapes have been plucked from the vines of Dolphins receiver Brian Hartline, who echoed Milwaukee Brewers closer John Axford’s previous sentiments that Tebow is no different than Kim Kardashian.

“That’s you guys, how much you love [him],” Hartline said of the media attention Tebow receives. “Everybody loves him, but the same people go with the Kardashians. I don’t know what they did, either.

“They’re on [magazine] covers everywhere. I mean, honestly. I know they’re really good people, do a lot of charity work. I just don’t know how they got started.” (Via the Sun-Sentinel)

Heeeeeeeeere’s the thing… for starters, as I just pointed out, this silly comparison was already made, so Hartline needs to freshen up his material a little. But Hartline might have himself a little case of amnesia, because if he really doesn’t know why Tebow has been the focus of so much hype since entering the NFL, I can remind him. Hartline probably won’t like it, but here is why…

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Last month, 17-year old Josh Ehrenberg shoehorned himself into the national news scene when he told a local TV news crew that a man attacked him while he was mowing his lawn. Normally, this isn’t much of a story, because our society sucks and people attack each other all the time. But what made Ehrenberg’s case so remarkable was that he claimed the man got out of his car, shoved him from a riding mower and then he was apparently Tebowing. Because it all just sounds so true.

Well, the Shenango Township Police apparently have their man, as 53-year old David Edward McCosby was arrested for this heinous assault.

Investigators report that McCosby has confessed to assaulting the boy.

The assault came after the teenager–who was cutting grass in front of his family’s home–drove a riding mower “on the road, apparently into the path of” McCosby’s oncoming vehicle, cops reported. After exiting his car, McCosby approached the boy and “knocked the juvenile off the lawn mower and assaulted him in the front yard of the residence,” investigators alleged.

In announcing McCosby’s arrest, cops noted that, “After the assault, and prior to fleeing the scene, McCosby got onto his knee in what appeared to be a prayer. Witnesses described it as a ‘Tebow’.” (Via The Smoking Gun)

Originally it was Ehrenberg’s word against the world that McCosby Tebowed after assaulting him, and I didn’t believe it, because it’s just stupid. Now, though, it’s “witnesses” that saw McCosby Tebow, and guess what… I still don’t believe it.

I said it then and I’ll say it now – if this dude actually Tebowed after he shoved a teenage kid from his riding mower, he would have filmed it. Otherwise, it’s the dumbest thing ever. But now that I know that Ehrenberg was riding his mower in the road, I’m starting to think that there’s more to this story than what is being reported. Granted, I don’t know what kind of road it was or if McCosby is just a total dickhead, but I’m at least willing to entertain the idea that Ehrenberg was being a dick, because teenagers suck.

Unfortunate Update: McCosby killed himself. Jesus.

Last December, Woodberry Forest School quarterback and college prospect Jacob Rainey made the news when his career was (we assumed) tragically cut short by a mishap on the playing field.

Well, “mishap” is a pretty light way to put it. He got tackled and lost his leg. Here’s the most psychologically terrifying description of events possible from a recent profile in the New York Times:

Rainey went left and cut back to his right. A tackler dived and grabbed his legs. Rainey tried to shed him, fighting for more yardage, and then he went blank. “I feel like I blacked out for a second,” he told me. “I just heard a pop, and the next thing I knew I was on the ground.”

Jeff Johnson, Woodberry’s athletic trainer, knew it was bad even before he laid eyes on Rainey. “The screams were just overwhelming,” Johnson told me, recalling the moment months later. “I still hear them.”

Rushing to Rainey’s side, Johnson quickly realized that the injury was unlike any he’d seen. Rainey’s lower right leg was dislocated at the knee and cocked at an impossible angle — “an obvious deformity,” in Johnson’s words.

He asked the quarterback not to look at it. Rainey didn’t listen. He asked him to take deep breaths. Rainey was inconsolable. “My season,” he kept saying. “My season.”

The upside to the story is that Rainey got outfitted with a prosthetic and chose to keep playing high school football instead of becoming a Paralympics athlete, a move that inspired everyone (including Tim Tebow, who I guess just goes around getting inspired by things). With football season starting back up, the next chapter of Jacob’s story begins, and a full piece on his story in the Times isn’t a bad way to start it. I definitely recommend giving it a read, because not only is it inspirational, it features wonderful out-of-context quotes like this:

“Maybe my skin’s just not ready,” Rainey suggested.

My girlfriend works at an orthotics and prosthetics company that makes a lot of the artificial limbs you see on athletes like Jacob (and Winter, the real-life dolphin from the movie Dolphin Tale), so stories like this have really been brought into perspective for me. If you need more of a reason to check out the article, take a look at some of the awesome photos that go along with it …

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