A lot of people are pretty sure that the woman in this image on the left is the same as the woman on the right, but I’m not sure that I buy it. For one thing, I don’t know how Tebow’s original “girlfriend” could get by without the “support” required for those “enormous cans.” But the faces look very similar. I can’t tell. Peruse the evidence for yourselves. Go ahead, I’ll wait. –FanIQ, via Neyrot [NSFW]. As also seen on Tim Teblog
This was ruled a first down. Img via Get The Picture, via Deadspin, via your mom.
The media’s shameless infatuation with Florida quarterback Tim Tebow lives on for yet another week. Tebow actually had a nice game against the Razorbacks, and that’s fine, but the abject fawning over the senior Heisman Trophy winner is enough to make even Obama supporters blush.
We get it: he’s a “good kid” full of “leadership” and “refuses to let his team die.” Sure it’s not often that “a great athlete and a great person” “shows composure like this” over the course of a “grueling SEC schedule.” And sure, he’s “like a son” to Florida head coach Urban Meyer. A good, white, Jesus-loving son who’s always in bed by ten and never drinks milk straight from the carton. Vern Lundquist just came.
The worst thing of all is that one loss probably won’t be enough to knock Florida out of the national title discussion. And I don’t care about the “national title” so much as the “discussion.” I’d much rather talk about LaGarrette Blount’s disdain for whites or Jim Tressel’s inept punt-by-numbers playbook than Tebow. Jesus, anything but Tebow.
ASYLUM POLL: On What Athlete Does The Press Have The Most Sickening Man-Crush?
Still, I’m not sure this technically qualifies as a miracle. Although I did do some rudimentary checking, and according to my research, there were no new cases of leprosy reported yesterday in Florida. There is no confirmation at this point on whether or not these two incidents are related.
And despite participating in practice on a limited basis yesterday, Florida head coach Urban Meyer wanted to make it abundantly clear that by no means does this indicate that Tebow will be playing in Florida’s showdown with LSU on Saturday.
When asked about a possible time frame, Meyer said, “They’re (the medical team) discussing that right now. I don’t think that will be determined until later in the week after they see how he progresses. From everything they tell me, it’s a symptomatic injury. If something shows up after practice or during practice. … I asked him during practice and he said, ‘I feel great.’ If symptoms show up, then that delays the whole deal.”
“He looked like Tim out there today. Obviously, practice is a lot different than what’s going to happen Saturday night. There’s still a lot of evaluation to go.” via.
I’m relieved to learn that Tebow looked like good old Tim out there, because I have heard about some of the crazy stuff that happens to people after they experience concussions. For instance, did you know that Troy Aikman claims to be a charter member of the Dallas chapter of MENSA? I’m not sure if we should believe him, though. How many respected organizations are you aware of that have their organizational charter written up in crayons on a blank page from a Winnie the Pooh coloring book?
Well, except for the Winnie the Pooh Coloring Book Political Action Committee, that is. Powerful lobby, those guys. Lofty lobby.
(Of course, many thanks to the amazingly talented LSUfreek for the awesome Tebow photoshops. Stellar work as usual.)
POW! Right in the kisser! POW! Right in the kisser! POW! Right in the kisser!
Tim Tebow got knockeddafuggout in the 3rd quarter of Florida’s 41-7 thrashing of Kentucky last night after receiving a deliciously vicious hit from Kentucky defensive end Taylor Wyndham. To add insult to injury, so to speak, Tebow’s fall from the whiplash-inducing shot was broken by teammate Marcus Gilbert’s knee. Tebow was already suffering from flu-like symptoms and was seen vomiting as medical personnel carted him off the field.
Florida head coach Urban Meyer was shaken after the game when he spoke about his pious quarterback going down.
“It’s like my son,” Meyer said. “Imagine your son lying on the ground. My knees were shaking.” via.
Hey there, Coach Meyer, the only one that can claim Tebow is like a son to him is God, and when he saw Tebow get drilled, even he said, “Goddamn!” which is weird when you think about it. Thinking about God watching football made me think of something: I bet he (or “she” for you feminists) has an awesome home theater setup. Plasma? Pshaw. God’s rocking the magma screen.
Sure, lots of other compelling stories came out of yesterday’s football action, but that’s not important right now. How can anyone think of anything besides the well-being of the Holy Tebow? I can’t, that’s for sure.
Ultimately, I’m sure Tebow will be fine and will miraculously be resurrected for Florida’s next game, October 10th against LSU. Although one has to wonder if his concussion will have any long-term, residual effects on Tebow. Wouldn’t it be something if Tebow’s personality was radically altered because of his injury, like a modern day Phineas Gage? If that was the case, look out, comely Florida coeds - we might have a strange case of a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde kind of scenario developing. Post-concussion Tebow may have only one thing on his mind: sweet, sweet SEC poon.
I can tell you one thing; I know what I like when I see it. And what I see is a big day in college football. Oh, the girls? Yeah, they’re alright, but I’m having trouble getting a read on their personalities and whether they share my interest in role-playing games and Star Trek.
There’s plenty of regional action kicking off at noon eastern (Big 10 Football on ESPN? Whoo!), but ESS-EE-CEE-SPEED (yeawww!) makes its regular season debut in a nationally televised game on CBS (3:30 ET), when the Arkansas Razorbacks (1-1) oink their way into Tuscaloosa to take on Nick Saban’s ego and his third-ranked Alabama Crimson Tide (3-0). I’m no great college football mind, so I’ll base my thoughts on the game entirely on the above photos, which means I’ll be pulling for Alabama. And then after a nap, I’ll pull for Arkansas, if you know what I mean. I hope the people seated next to me at the bar don’t mind.
Also on tap is #9 Miami at #11 Virginia Tech at 3:30 ET. It should be a rager. Try to make sense of whether you will be able to see the game or not on ABC, ESPN or ESPNHD here, because I’m lost.
In other news, word on the street is that Tim Tebow is one of several members of the number-one-ranked Florida Gators suffering from flu-like symptoms. In fact, Tebow took a separate plane (along with the other ill players - WTF? - he should fly solo) to Lexington for their game against the Kentucky Wildcats (ESPN2, 6:00 ET).
A source close to the team confirmed late Friday night that Tim Tebow was one of several players to fly on a separate plane to Lexington from the rest of the team because he is sick with the flu. The source said that safety Major Wright was also among the players on the separate plane.
[...]
The Gainesville Sun reported this week that 97 percent of flu cases on UF’s campus this fall have been the H1N1 virus, also known as swine flu. via. via.
Egads! Holy Father, why hast Thou forsaken Tim? The Lord does work in mysterious ways and perhaps this is simply his way of testing the most precious lamb of his flock. Kind of like when Satan tempted Jesus with that badass violin.
Wait. I might be getting a couple of stories mixed up. To be honest, Christianity isn’t one of my strongest areas of study. Everything I know about it I learned through Metallica songs and Danzig albums. In any event, with or without the Tebowner, I don’t see Kentucky snapping their 22-game losing streak to Florida. Just a hunch.
With everyone ready to hand Florida the national championship before the season even kicks off [partially because of their 19 returning starters and their relatively easy schedule], we should probably just look ahead to 2010, where Tebow is expected to be drafted somewhere in the first round of that year’s NFL Draft (depending on who you ask; ESPN’s Todd McShay did not drink the Kool-Aid at communion, so to speak). And if you think the fellatio of God’s Quarterback has been stomach-churning on the college level, you might lose your mind when you learn that someone has already compared his career track to that of Steve Young.
Hmmm, let’s see: a left-handed quarterback who sees a larger purpose than football in this life, and the one (we hope) after.
Except: he may not have the arm to make it big in the NFL and runs too much, which is going to get him killed at the next level. –Chris Dufresne
Granted, there are plenty of pros for Tebow going pro: Come next April, he will have been a three-year starter with a completion percentage likely over 65%, playing under one of the more meticulous offensive minds in college football. But one has to wonder how the Tebow’s Sister Act will go outside of the rah-rah campuses of the college game. But if a guy can go celibate in Gainesville, damn, he can go celibate anywhere. The rest of his game might be under debate, but success breeds success. Unless you’re Tim Tebow and you don’t breed at all. I’d say that he’s screwed but really it’s just the opposite of that.
ASYLUM POLL: Are Tim Tebow And The Gators Unstoppable This Season?
