15 Ironic T-Shirts The NBA Should Also Sell

Written by Ashley Burns / 06.06.12

When Orlando Magic and eventual Brooklyn Nets center Dwight Howard agreed to sign his one-year extension to “let the Magic try to keep him”, a lot of people were pissed off at Miami Heat guard Dwyane Wade when he made fun of Howard on Twitter for his overzealous use of the word “loyalty”. But bless their silly hearts, Magic fans – *points to self, frowns* – believed that Howard really was giving his team a shot until they eventually learned that he only signed the deal to avoid a deadline trade to the Los Angeles Lakers. Loyalty indeed.

So imagine the response of the Internets yesterday when people revealed that Adidas and the NBA have been selling a Dwight Howard “Loyalty” t-shirt all along. Yikes, talk about ironic. Even hipsters have a hard time purchasing that t-shirt online, donating it to the Goodwill and then begrudgingly buying it after they “find it” a few days later. But this shirt got me thinking: “What other absurd shirts could the NBA be pumping out to bilk devoted fans out of their hard-earned cash?”

*scratches spot on chin where hair would grow if he could grow facial hair, fires up Photoshop*

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Internet Artist of the Day of the Week: Double Scribble’s NBA Fan Art

Written by Ashley Burns / 05.15.12

I’m a big sucker for fan art – well, appropriate fan art – and that’s why I’ve been pounding my desk all morning over the news that the world’s biggest patent troll is going after Etsy’s new $40 million investment. But while soulless thieves are going after the sources of the Internet’s showcases for art and inspiration, they’ll thankfully never be able to crush the actual artists. At least not yet. I’m sure they’ll find a way eventually.

My Internet Artist of the Day of the Week goes to the guys at Double Scribble, a Tumblr site devoted to NBA fan art.

Double Scribble is the lovechild of basketball and art; two of Nick Kastner and Mike McGrath’s favorite things in the world. From the coldest, murkiest depths of Cleveland, OH (and now to some extent, some obscure part of North Carolina) Nick and Mike have forged a blog out of blood, sweat and tears in their unwavering vision to provide you, the viewer, with a never ending source of basketball related art.

And it’s pretty awesome. I’ve been shuffling back and forth through its archives since a friend emailed the link last week and there is just a ton of great artwork on this site that has really inspired me to consider re-launching my web comic series, “The Erotic Adventures of a Sports Blogger.” Spoiler alert: it’s sad and gross.

After the jump, I’ve included many of my favorite efforts of Double Scribble’s authors, but I encourage you to check out the submissions that they’ve posted from other artists as well. It’s a highly recommended worm hole to limit your productivity today.

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Tim Duncan Benjamin Buttons Chris Andersen

Written by Brandon Stroud / 03.05.12

I hate the term “posterized”. Like “awesome” for good things and “ginger” for anyone with red hair, it’s become an easy catch-all term to describe every single dunk that happens. So Bismack Biyombo dunked. So what? Dude’s like 6-9, I don’t think the Costacos Brothers are rushing to put dress him like the German Kriegsmarine for a SINKING OF THE BISMACK poster. If the NBA printed a poster for every posterization we’d be living in the world of the Lorax.

What I’m getting at is that Tim Duncan didn’t “posterize” the Birdman during Sunday’s Nuggets/Spurs game … he novelized him. It starts with exposition (“this is a basketball game, Chris Andersen is trying to play defense on contextual grandpa Tim Duncan), continues on through to the rising action (“Tim Duncan hits Birdman in the face with a basketball”) toward a logical climax (“lol, he just got hit in the face with a ball AND dunked on”). The falling action could literally be Duncan coming down after the dunk, and the resolution is that the entire Internet can laugh about how pathetic he made a guy look.

The moment has been captured in glorious animated gif form below, courtesy of SBN by way of CJZero.com.

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ROFLMNBAO: The NBA All-Star Game Is Upon Us!

Written by Ashley Burns / 02.22.12

I was hoping that by this point in the week I’d have some fun little anecdotes to share about how Orlando is shaping up for All-Star Weekend, but short of about 60 more homeless people than usual and some banners, I haven’t noticed much yet. In fact, I’m mega bummed, you guys. My buddy got me on the guest list for Diddy’s All-Star party this weekend and I was super pumped to go and take really awkward pictures next to all of the celebrities in attendance (“Hey is that Joey Fatone with Skeet Ulrich???”) but word on Church Street is that the party was cancelled thanks to some screw up by a promoter. Bummers, y’all.

But I’m still gonna do my best to put together a fun recap for next Monday, because I’m perpetually bound to run into ridiculous stuff on a weekend like this. I may still attend the Rising Stars Challenge and Dunk Contest, but the real fun is going to be at the bars, so I will stick to what I do best. My prediction? I end up bare-knuckle boxing Aaron Carter behind a Steak-N-Shake dumpster. Fingers crossed!

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BASKETBALL! BASKETBALL! BASKETBALL!

Written by Matt / 12.18.07

Robert Horry: huge asshole, or hugest asshole?

It's been a while since I've done a recap of the previous night's NBA games.  Let's take a quick look at some select games from a busy night in the Association:

Suns 100, Spurs 95 — There's some history here.  Last season I refused to acknowledge the existence of the NBA Playoffs after the Suns got the Grande Deluxe Dicking from David Stern, the refs, Satan, and a second shooter from the grassy knoll.  This time the Suns used a balanced attack to overcome Tim Duncan's monster game (36/17).  Tony Parker missed his third straight game with acute vaginitis.

Cavs 104, Bucks 99 (2OT) –  Are you kidding me?  Two overtimes and the teams barely got to 200 points combined?  Here's the game report card: F-.  NEXT.

Hawks 116, Jazz 111 — Dear Jerry Sloan, your fucking pick-and-roll will never be enough.  EVER.  But go ahead and keep doing it for another 20 years.  Dipshit.

Mavs 111, Magic 108 — Two weeks ago everyone was praising the Magic as the Beasts of the East 2.0 (behind the C's) and wondering what was wrong with the struggling Mavs.  But with this game — sealed in the final minutes Dirk Nowitzki (31 points) — Dallas has won five of six, while Orlando has LOST five of six.  What a crazy coincidence.  And now they're BOTH 17-9!  OMG!  Call the Twilight Zone guy!

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FREEDARKO JUST BLEW MY MIND

Written by Matt / 12.07.06

Right now I'd be willing to post pictures of me drunk and passed out in women's clothing if it meant pushing the talking vaginas down the page and away from my memory. Unfortunately, I don't have any recent pics that show off my new tattoo of my best friend's initials on my leg, soooooo…

Instead, I tell you this: FreeDarko has just shifted the Earth's axis… or at least changed the NBA for me forever. In a series of brilliant sketches, Bethlehem Shoals & Co. demonstrate how the FD thought process is applied to players from play to play. And if you think it doesn't involve players' heads changing into different objects like submarines, yo-yos, and bowling pins, then you clearly aren't getting enough philosophy in your NBA diet.

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