The worst thing about cheating, I would guess, is being punished over and over from things that you’ve already done. Well, people that you’ve already done, anyway. Such is the plight of Cablinasia’s fallen hero, Eldrick Tont Woods, who reportedly furnished his wife with a four-page list of all of his conquests. Unfortunately, that list had one glaring omission.

The Swedish stunner flipped out and gave Woods an earful after learning he had reportedly bedded nubile neighbor Raychel Coudriet [pics], the National Enquirer reported.[..]

Tiger was confronted by his wife over the phone while he was at dinner with friends. Damn, son. If you’re not ever going to hang out with your wife, why get married? Read the rest of this entry »

At least one report out there in the series of tubes is quoting a source close to Elin Nordegren, wife of Tiger Woods (for now, anyway). The source has said that the great reconciliation between Tiger and Elin isn’t happening, and that divorce is imminent. And Cablinasia weeps.

Meanwhile, the insider says that “nonstop construction” continues on the $3 million home in Vaxholm which Elin purchased in December. “She is definitely planning on spending a lot of time there — they are gutting it,” the source says of the private-island estate on Sweden’s west coast.

The mom and former model, 30, is “working hard” to speed up renovations. “She and the kids are going to be spending most of the summer there,” the source says. “Without Tiger.” –US Weekly, via HuffPo.

Tiger, meanwhile, has confirmed that he will play in the Players Championship next month and the US Open in June, which is more of a commitment than he seems to have made in patching things up with Elin. Who would have thought of a Swedish supermodel to be so high maintenance? Leave the air conditioning on! Stop banging whores! Hold still while I swing this wedge at your face! That sounds worse than being with some of those American women. You know who you are, ladies.

Jimmy Kimmel had a clever bit on his late-night television program the other day when he “outsourced” his order of Tiger Woods jokes to a “call center” in “India.” One member of the aforementioned center delivered the “joke” and “hilarity” was enjoyed by “all.”

This sort of reinforces something I wrote on Monday; eventually the run of “Tiger Woods” as shorthand for “adulterous jiggalo” will end and those jokes won’t be funny anymore. Most people that follow golf were happy to see Tiger play at The Masters and attempt a re-entry of his old life, and the rest of us don’t really care. We have no investment of Tiger to shrug off like the media seem to have, so the joke’s on them. Eventually Kimmel and everyone else (including me) will have to find a new target. Fortunately, we work in an arena where plenty of people make bad decisions every day. Suck on that, India.

Read the rest of this entry »

Apparently we never got around to mentioning that Tiki Barber is dumping his Asian wife for a white girl, partly because of my travel schedule, and partly because Tiki is the black Paris Hilton. Who gives a damn what this guy does anymore? He gets less camera time on NBC than Al Michaels’ scalp, he’s terrible on the Today show, he’s terrible on his NFL show, and he’s devoid of any sort of charisma that would make me want to watch him on TV. And considering that he had to invade the ranks of the nearly post-pubescent to find his own Lolita.

Anyway, I wanted to do something like this to compare Tiger’s high-volume philandering with Tiki’s one-shot, one-kill approach. But someone already did that. Whatever. At some point, we’ll have to stop comparing every guy that cheats on his wife to Tiger Woods. Might as well start now.

See, Tiger’s whoring was heroic, both in scope and range. Tiger banged strippers, he banged his neighbors, he probably banged 47 percent of all women he ever came into contact with. Just wrap your GD brain around that for a second. The guy couldn’t miss. And his marriage is still intact (for now, anyway). Tiki, meanwhile, blew up his whole life for some intern. Can Tiki re-enter his public universe with the same apparent ease as Tiger has? I doubt it. While Tiki might have sold his marriage down the river, as Tiger did, one has to wonder why he couldn’t insist on a better price. The end. Wasn’t that fun?

ASYLUM POLL: Is Tiki Barber a bigger scumbag than Tiger Woods?

Hey, did you hear the joke about how Martha Burk is going to build her own country club right next to Augusta National? Yeah, and she’s not gonna use any studs; it’s gonna be all tongue-and-groove. Anyway, we have to give it up for our friends at Frathouse Sports dropped a load on our front doorstep this morning. It was the URL for the photobucket account for Windmere’s own Rachel Coudriet, whose 15 minutes started ticking away after she was alleged to be the latest set of grooves in Tiger’s bag. More from our glorious benefactors:

What we do know is that she is from Florida. She went to Alabama according to her deleted Twitter account (that you can still view via page cache). She can kegstand like nobodies business (picture below). And if we had to bet we’d say she is really Rachael Coufriet daughter of Ray of Ray Coudriet Builder Inc.

–FratHouse Sports

All of the images, when run together, tell a story about a young woman that couldn’t make up her mind about anything, from the men in her life to her own hair color. And jeez, will you turn off the damn timestamp on your camera? How amateur is that? Anyway, most of those images from that Photobucket account are after the jump, and she’ll most likely appear to you as a normal, confused twentysomething that just happened to live next to the horniest golfer on the planet. It’s hard to fault somebody for that. Faulting someone for lifting, cleaning and placing Tiger’s balls, on the other hand, is another thing entirely. Read the rest of this entry »

Tiger Woods made an uneventful return to golf earlier this week by arriving at Augusta National without notice or incident, and the limited press access to him will make his transition back to full-time tour player all the easier. The limited press access and the small militia of hired personnel that he brought to Augusta with him, anyway.

A virtual army of private bodyguards – about 90 in all – will be protecting Tiger Woods when he returns to golf this week at the Masters, London’s Sunday Mail reported Saturday. Woods’ vast security detail will include former FBI and Secret Service agents, as well as armed deputies – all of whom are believed to have received photos of the golf great’s sexual conquests. The world’s best-known philanderer reportedly fears a confrontation with one of his more than two dozen alleged mistresses.

“None of these girls are allowed anywhere near him,” a security guard told the Sunday Mail. “If one photo comes out of a beautiful lady touching him, it would be a disaster.” –NY Daily News, via Bossip.

Tiger Woods is now not only wealthier than the nation of Mozambique, he’s also more heavily armed. Usually, one assembles these kinds of armies to attract tail. Not the other way around. But what else can you expect from a game where the lowest score wins? Besides racy text messaging?