If you think your job is so tiring, you should try playing golf for a living. Some people get mad when you say “playing golf” as opposed to “golfing,” but it’s almost pointless even bringing that up. Either way, those bastards on the PGA Tour have it so rough, I just want to walk right up to one of them and squeeze him with a big ol’ sponsorship exemption.

Tiger Woods talked about it last week, saying, “It’s a lot of golf for me. I normally don’t play this much … You’ve got to alter your practice.” Camilo Villegas went to his Twitter, complaining, “Home … way too much golf in the last two months … I still don’t get it, every sport has an offseason but I guess we don’t.” –Bacon.

The sense of entitlement that those little pricks have absolutely sickens me. Most of em should be grateful that (a) their tournaments aren’t being cancelled like those in the LPGA, or experiencing cutbacks in capital like NASCAR (b) that they’re still enjoying quality purses while teams in the NHL, NBA and even the NFL are preparing to draw battle lines over payroll, if they haven’t already. Oh, and (c), your job consists of walking around and occasionally hitting a ball with a stick.

Hey, Villegas: Maybe if you didn’t try and hump the green every time you lined up a putt, you might be able to squeeze out more than 2 PGA Tour wins. And I’m not even including all the extra rest that you enjoy from peeing sitting down all the time. Go get a desk job in Colombia if you’re too tired from golfing. If you can find a desk there that’s not littered with cocaine. If nothing else, you can always go into business with Lawrence Taylor.

White guys are still 0-for-14 when Tiger Woods leads a major golf tournament on Sunday, but a 37-year-old from the far East finally did the deed. Yesterday, the pride of Jeju-do, South Korea, Yang Yong-eun, finally caught Tiger Woods by his tail, the first time anyone had done so in the final round of a major championship. Hey, Yang! It’s a parking lot!

“I usually go for broke,” Yang said through an interpreter. “The odds are against me. Nobody’s going to be really disappointed that I lose. So I really had nothing much at stake, and that’s how I played it.” via.

Yang chipped in a 60-foot approach shot for eagle on 14, giving him an outright lead that he would not relinquish. Woods finished bogey-bogey for the second straight major Sunday en route to a turdly 75. Congratulations have come in many forms for Yang, from the South Korean president phoning him to the nearby Hoban Korean Restaurant (where Yang ate all week) remaining open late on Sunday and applauding his arrival.

My big issue with Woods’ lack of grace in defeat was his refusal to hole out on 18 and let Yang have the stage to himself at the end of the tournament, a customary gesture that’s been extended to Woods plenty of times throughout his stellar career. It could be a bit of LeBronning on Woods’ part. It also could be as simple as Woods’ literally not knowing how to lose. As surprised as we were that Woods came up short yesterday, perhaps no one was more surprised than him. Cablinasia mourns yet again.

Tiger Woods is already leading the PGA Championship after shooting a five-under-par 67 today, and that’s good enough for me. Honestly, I don’t see the point in making a whole weekend out of these tournaments. When you have a “championship” every week, the concept seems to be diluted just a bit.

Even when Tiger wins five tournaments in a season, people flip out when he hasn’t won a major, like they’re scolding the kid that honestly forgot to brush his teeth one night. YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO THIS ALL THE TIME! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU! It’s still fascinating that the citizens of Cablinasia are (a) so disappointed whenever Tiger falters, and (b) equally overjoyed when he doesn’t. It’s the same level of joy that was felt when your dad cut ass at the dinner table. When Tiger wins, we want him to do it again, and he rarely disappoints.

But that Phil Mickelson? Well, his wife got cancer, and we still hate that asshole. For so long has Mickelson been anointed the Great White Hope that could give Tiger a challenge week after week. Not so much. But Padraig Harrington, who was rushed into defeat last week if you believe Tiger’s side of the argument, stands poised to give Woods another run. And that’s nice. Cute, really. But we know how this is going to end. So just give Tiger the PGA trophy now, his one major for the year, and then get ready for football.

Tiger Woods claimed that one of the reasons that Padraig Harrington succumbed in the Bridgestone Invitational was because of the warning from a PGA Tour official that they were playing too slowly. It’s common practice for the Tour to time each group and force them to adhere to a certain pace of play. Woods and Harrington were warned on the 16th hole by European Tour chief referee John Paramor told Wood–which is also known as being put “on the clock.” [emphasis added]:

Paramor said the final pairing was well behind most of the back nine, but officials gave them time to catch up. They were still 17 minutes out of position on the 16th tee, when they were put on the clock.

Tiger did not take kindly to the notion of being hustled through the end of the tournament:

“I don’t think that Paddy would have hit the pitch shot that way if he was able to take his time, look at it, analyze it,” Woods said. “But he was on the clock, had to get up there quickly and hit it.” via.

Most people are interpreting Woods’ remarks as a show of respect for his fellow competitor, and let’s hope that all it is. Because every scorecard from every golf course in America reads, somewhere, “Keep pace with the group ahead.” Woods and Paddy were almost two holes behind; they surely got as more of a time allowance than they deserved. Supportive or otherwise, Woods needs to do better than calling out a rules official that was just doing his job. There’s plenty of whining about officials’ rulings in other sports. You’d think Woods were getting paid by the hour, instead of by the stroke. I only pay by the stroke in the Champagne Room in Vegas. It’s cheaper.

This is Tiger Woods working his magic at the last Buick Open in a way that only the greatest player in the world can do it. Woods standing in the 18th fairway ripping one of the great on-camera farts of our day is both hilarious and inspiring. Surely this will inspire disadvantaged children all over the world that, they too, can get on TV and cut ass with their Kiwi friends. Oh, and Woods won the Open by three shots, and in doing so, explained to the world why he wears black pants on Sunday. via.

Why is it so acceptable to bash championship teams, the quasi-dynastic programs with their perceived arrogant fanbases and athletes that seem to catch every break in life, but nobody seems to give similar treatment to Tiger Woods, who wins everything?

I once heard in a Golf Channel commercial that golf “is pure theatre.” And that’s true in a lot of ways, for a lot of sports, but golf most especially. We see golfers individually, competing not against one another, but against nature, and sometimes against themselves. It’s not unusual to refer to Tom Watson’s 76 holes at Turnberry as a “performance,” or to say that Stewart Cink was “putting on a show” with his impressive putting on Sunday. Those terms work as descriptors of the game quite naturally.

So I guess it shouldn’t irritate me that golf’s pundits start each Saturday, as Golf Digest’s Dan Jenkins did, by evaluating the level of prestige of the names occupying the leaderboard for that week’s tournament. Only in golf do the writers complain when the players playing well aren’t among the more familiar names of the game. The unsung hero in golf seems to be persona non grata, unless he happens to be chasing the Yes, Tiger Woods missing the cut was a big deal, but some of the coverage suggested that the Royal & Ancient should just pack up the tee markers and cancel the tournament. And this was the British Open.

Bad Leaderboard Syndrome is a very real thing. Its symptoms include shrinkage of television viewership, complacency of casual fans, and eventual forfeiture of sponsorship dollars. The LPGA, with its Korean progeny and inability to capture the attention of the sporting public, is suffering badly from BLS, so much that they staged a coup and ousted their commissioner. Yes, a change at the top was required, but not at the administrative level.

Tom Watson didn’t choke as much as he succumbed yesterday. To the angry Scottish winds. To fatigue. And maybe even to his own imagination. Surely a man in his sixties couldn’t win one of golf’s most storied titles. But he could have. But carrying the weight of the field on his back for four days, and arguably, the entire sport, proved too hefty a burden to bear. Watson’s struggle was good viewing, even if we didn’t get the happy ending for which we were hoping.

And that’s why we love Tiger Woods. Woods doesn’t get the front-runners’ grief that the Lakers, Patriots, or Yankees (or their fans) might receive. Because Tiger Woods isn’t Tom Brady or Derek Jeter. He’s Denzel. He’s Sylvester Stallone, directing himself. He’s Frodo marching to Mordor, with The Ring in tow. Tiger gives us the happy ending for which we clamor. It’s unique to his game. That red shirt trotting out on Sunday is like a curtain rising, and you’d better be in your seat, because that’s a show that nobody wants to miss.

ASYLUM POLL: Which was the biggest choke job in sports history?