In case you haven’t been following, I’ve had a bit of a fascination this NFL season with my theory of the Thursday Night Football Quarterback Curse. Basically, with the exception of Thanksgiving and maybe two or three lone performances, every QB that has played on Thursday this season has either been lackluster or just flat out awful. Many of us expected that to change last week when Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos played the Oakland Raiders, but he was just good enough to win.

While actual NFL players and more intense fans might say the fact that he won is all that matters, some of us depend on a little more from these guys for fantasy football. That means Manning only netted us between 13 and 20 points, which made us sad. At least our supermodel girlfriends were there to organize threeways to comfort us.

Can Nick Foles and Andy Dalton snap this incredible trend? Probably. We don’t expect it from them, so they’d be the best candidates. But I hope not, because it’s more fun to believe that a mystical force is making QBs suck.

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Earlier this week, in the Fantasy Football Support Group post, I broke down the strange, new curse that is the Thursday Night Football QB conundrum. Basically, with very few exceptions, quarterbacks – and a lot of stars in general – have been terrible on the NFL Network this season. As I finished writing that, something horrifying dawned on me – I have Peyton Manning on Thursday night this week in the first round of my main fantasy football league. F*********************ck me.

Even worse, I’m playing against Demaryius Thomas while I have Eric Decker. And I know that none of you care, but I’m FREAKING OUT, damn it. What’s that? I should just not play fantasy football, you say? Who let the devil comment on this website, anyway?

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I’ve had a joke going with several friends over the past few weeks that Calvin Johnson has helped put the Madden Curse to rest, while we’re starting to see the emergence of an all new and much more powerful NFL demon – the Thursday Night Football QB Curse. Take this last TNF game, for instance. Atlanta Falcons QB Matt Ryan was just not-sh*tty enough with 165 yards and a TD to defeat the New Orleans Saints, who were led by Drew Brees’ 341 yards (good) and 5 INT (horrendous). Needless to say, by Friday morning, I already had several readers asking for this post.

Excluding the Thanksgiving Thursday games, which featured strong performances from Matt Schaub, Tom Brady, Matt Stafford, Tony Romo and Robert Griffin III – hell, even Mark Sanchez wasn’t terrible – you had a double-decker turdburger from Ryan Tannehill and Ryan Fitzpatrick in Week 11, a Blaine Gabbert-esque performance from Blaine Gabbert and Andrew Luck (he did rush for 2 TD in his defense) in Week 10, and Matt Cassel and Philip Rivers derping it up in Week 9. In fact, aside from Josh Freeman in Week 8, Ben Roethlisberger in Week 6 and Joe Flacco in Week 4, Thursday night games have been mediocre-to-awful at best for fantasy QBs.

I bring this up for two reasons – 1) Because Brees’ career low performance in Atlanta is almost definitely the fantasy performance that killed the most people’s chances this week; and 2) Because as someone who has Peyton Manning leading his team into the first round of the playoffs this week, I am terrified. But let’s go ahead and check out who we love and who we especially loathe this week, and share your own awful stories in the comments.

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Word around the Interwebs today has been that the New Orleans Saints have accused Atlanta Falcons fans of egging their team bus at the Atlanta airport yesterday. I believe that’s the Big Boi-Ludacris International Airport, for those of you keeping track. If this is true – and this is a mighty accusation, Saints players – then I believe that Falcons fans should be banned by the NFL for the rest of the season. You heard me – an empty Georgia Dome for the final home games of the regular season.

You see, there’s very little wiggle room between the acts of paying your teammates to intentionally hurt an opposing player and throwing a chicken fetus at any mode of transportation. When, NFL fans, can we finally agree to end the senseless slaughter of chicken babies that could have grown up to cure cancer or run the United Nations? As humans, we are animals.

Sorry, I just wanted to feel like Skip Bayless for a second.

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Finally, all my complaining about these weak-ass Thursday night football games has come to an end with a real, honest-to-God fantastic game that is dripping with playoff implications. The almighty Dolphins head into Buffalo as the two teams tied for first place in the AFC East will look to separate what most analysts and experts are calling the closest race of two amazing teams in NFL history. Wait, what…

*trained messenger ostrich arrives from Ontario*

Oh Fonktar, you brought me a note! Ah, it seems the Dolphins and Bills are not tied for first place and they both indeed suck assballs. Well then, thank you yet again, NFL, for this exemplary matchup.

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Way to be, Sergio Brown*.

As most of already realize, the purpose of these Thursday Night Football games on the NFL Network is to show other networks like TNT, TBS, USA, BET, ION, WE, LOGO, etc. how much money they could be making buy giving the NFL a few billion dollars to air games during the week. But holy hell, Roger Goodell. Can you throw us a bone on these Turd-of-the-Week games like the one tonight?

I don’t mean any disrespect to the Indianapolis Colts, because I definitely love what they’re doing and their fire right now, but how did the Jacksonville Jaguars get anything but a 1 PM game on Sunday? I mean, Chiefs/Chargers was a pretty awful matchup, but now we get the Jags? Ugh.

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