On Saturday night, while most of the cool kids were out smoking cigarettes in the Taco Bell parking lot, news broke that Penn State coach Joe Paterno had passed away due to complications from lung cancer. Specifically, the first report was published by Onward State, a student newspaper at PSU. The paper claimed that Nittany Lions players received emails informing them that Paterno had passed away, and thus the news was born.

But since nobody outside of Happy Valley is really familiar with Onward State, the news didn’t really get out until CBS Sports picked up the story and ran with it. That’s when all Twitter hell broke loose. You see, as it turned out, Paterno wasn’t dead on Saturday night. As we know, he passed away on Sunday morning. But almost immediately after the CBS story hit and then other major media outlets began picking it up, Paterno’s family came forward and said that JoePa wasn’t dead.

Whoops.

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Steve Jobs, one of the most important people in our modern world, has died. It’s hard to do a tribute to him at With Leather, because a “The Sports World Reacts To The Death Of Steve Jobs” thing would just be LeBron James going “@justinbieber Steve Jobs dead please RT”, but he deserves a network full of obituaries, and here are a few from the UPROXX family. You died like you lived, Steve: smarter than everyone else, and never changing clothes.

Steve Jobs Is Dead At 56 - I’m glad he lived more than twice as long as Jack Noseworthy. [UPROXX]

R.I.P. Steve Jobs - Warming Glow’s tribute, featuring his 2005 Stanford commencement address and a sick burn on Zunes. [Warming Glow]

Obits: Former Apple CEO Steve Jobs - A word from TSS. [The Smoking Section]

The World Reacts To The News Of Steve Jobs’ Death - This features that amazing Tweet from the Westboro Baptist Church about how they’re gonna picked Steve’s funeral, posted using the Church lady’s iPhone. Great stuff. [Gamma Squad]

And now, some stuff to get this off your mind.

Links

ESPN’s NSFW-ish Body Issue: Naked Gymnastics And Awkward Nude Dunking - You might’ve seen this yesterday, but click it again, because I updated it yesterday afternoon with naked Hope Solo video. It’s something you should see, possibly twice. [With Leather]

Kirsten Dunst: “I couldn’t have done Antichrist because my boobs are too big.” - Having seen two key scenes in Melancholia, I support this. I also would’ve accepted “I couldn’t have done Antichrist because I didn’t want the Green Goblin to actually put his dick in me”. [Film Drunk]

The Last Words Of 20 People Who Were Executed - I want my last words before execution to be “boom, roasted”. [Buzzfeed]

When Did Kelly Osbourne Get Sorta Hot? - She didn’t. She’s going backwards, and was sorta hot a few years ago when she was chubby and Sheamus-white and trying to be a goth pop star. [FARK]

25 Things You May Not Know About ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’ - #26: The older you get, the more you get bothered by MISS-A GO-RIGHTRY, I MUSSA PLOTESSSSSST. [Moviefone]

Church of Mary Doesn’t Really Get ‘House’ Quotes - This is like a comedy club putting up posters of “Scrubs”. Come on, pay attention! [The Daily What]

The 16 Hottest ‘Bare Necessities’ Lingerie Models - Baloo had better be in here somewhere. [Brobible]

The Ten Best Horror Movies You Haven’t Seen - Also great but not on this list, Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon. It’s the first movie I ever watched with my girlfriend, and has the “les incompetent” girl from Home Alone in it. [Unreality]

This is unofficially The Week Of Silly Super Bowl Stories, and what better way to open the floodgates with a Bloomberg BusinessWeek piece telling us that the SUPER BOWL CAN ACTUALLY END YOUR LIFE!

“If you look at a lot of data from a lot of different sports, there is a spectator risk,” said Dr. Stephen Siegel, a cardiologist at New York University Langone Medical Center.

The best way to avoid this unhappy consequence is, “don’t take it so seriously. Don’t get so excited about it,” he said. “Enjoy the game, have fun with it, but don’t spend your life savings on betting on it and don’t have your life invested in the outcome.”

Don’t have your life invested in the outcome is NOT what you need to be telling Steelers fans or Packers fans. These are responsible, grown adults spending hard-earned money on hand towels and foam hats. And frankly, if we took a few of these, uh, passionate folks off the face of the earth, who would miss them?

Famous wackadoo Bill “Spaceman” Lee and his brilliantly white teeth didn’t disappoint in the least bit when he was interrupted while shooting a round of probably very wacky golf to answer questions about his former nemesis, the former Yankees owner George Steinbrenner. He blathers on about how his Irish heritage ensures that he holds grudges even after a man is set in his coffin, and how he used to have nightmares about Steinbrenner coming into his hotel room through the window of his windowless hotel room. Do they even have windowless hotel rooms in America? He’s probably talking about his psychiatric ward.

Anyway, I’d tell you more about the video but I keep losing my train of thought as I fixate on his absolutely breathtaking set of teeth. I don’t know how he can go outside with those babies, I’d spend my days smiling at my bathroom mirror. Read the rest of this entry »